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Nil 03.04.2011 21:29

Teenagers
 
Do you have one of those at home?

Gosh! How do you handle those species? Always moaning, never happy, bitching around, never satisfied and so much cooler than anyone else... (Sounds like some folks in here... :D)

Anyway, we have some of them in our family and between 15 and 19, you want to hang them on the wall or send them into a boarding school.

The girls are always on their phone, text messaging or on their computer, Twitting or Facebooking. If they don't have access to their social network, they sit next to you with the most boring face they are capable to pull out. They hang out in their bedroom, making some videos of them dancing, pictures of them with lips going out of their face with a Paris Hilton look :msnsick: and put them on FB, of course....

Boys are playing soccer, doing their show off in the street, doing nothing at home beside putting gel in their hair to give a Justin Bieber hairstyle kinda look and pretending they are soooooo cool!

And of course, as an adult, you don't know anything about anything. You are lame, boring and so not cool.

I have an other 12 years before my daughter reach this terrible phase and I am hoping they'll find a pill to avoid it to happen...

st2lemans 03.04.2011 21:48

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nil (Post 1157252)
Do you have one of those at home?

No.

I have two (actually, the elder is 20, but that didn't change anything).

Tom

03.04.2011 21:48

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nil (Post 1157252)
How do you handle those species?

Ask your parents

:D

MathNut 03.04.2011 21:51

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bertrand - Geneva (Post 1157288)
Ask your parents

:D

:goodpost:

Like you said, Nil, you still have 12 more years before you have to worry about it. ;) I'm sure you'll think of something....

Sky 03.04.2011 21:54

Re: Teenagers
 
yup, and he's cool.
Everything is new, everything is a discovery.
It's amazing to see life as he does.

Nil 03.04.2011 21:56

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bertrand - Geneva (Post 1157288)
Ask your parents

:D

I can't...

It is admitting they were right! :D

Nil 03.04.2011 21:58

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sky (Post 1157303)
yup, and he's cool.
Everything is new, everything is a discovery.
It's amazing to see life as he does.

Sky, Sweetheart,

You are confusing teenagers with toddlers... :D

Meisie 03.04.2011 21:58

Re: Teenagers
 
I don't have any at home but I will in another 10 years or so and I'm dreading it :(

amaraya 03.04.2011 22:06

Re: Teenagers
 
my 10 year old (almost 11! ) is approaching what we call pubecon and although i can't really complain, he has his moments, thankfully i think it's more about giving him the space and allowance to try out his freedom, abilities to choose things on his own and we've figured out (at least for now) that if we give him space and options, he's fine.

i think it's quite a bit like dealing with toddlers actually, or even people in general. he knows the basic rules that we all adhere to, i don't expect anything from him that i don't do myself- but he is still just approaching it:eek:.

my niece though is at that age and sends me videos of her singing and dancing to horrible music and i actually really enjoy it- it's quite cute and at least she's not shooting up heroin on the street corner- even if it is justin beiber :msncrazy:

smackerjack 03.04.2011 22:09

Re: Teenagers
 
Am I alone in thinking they are great:confused:

The trick is to become one of them - remember you are there to embarrass them...

We had parties and always invited them and all their friends, kept an open house and became their friends. As we live right in the City centre I always told them that if they were stuck and could not get home to always ring the door and have a bed here.

Now they are not teenagers but when my kids were off a Uni all their friends still came round.

Go with the flow and become a teenager again....Then then think you are super-cool.

st2lemans 03.04.2011 22:15

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by smackerjack (Post 1157318)
Am I alone in thinking they are great:confused:

The trick is to become one of them - remember you are there to embarrass them...

Indeed.

My daughters always ask me NOT to scare their boyfriends, and to turn down my music!

Tom

amaraya 03.04.2011 22:18

Re: Teenagers
 
nah, i quite like them too. i guess it's just a bit daunting to think of your own child being that age. before coming here i taught teens for a long time and i really enjoyed it. the importance of everything can be inspiring and i think it's a great time for creativity for most kids, even if they do love the biebs and other crappy music they can be really open to other things.

and i think your approach for an open house is a good one, i try to do the same now even if it means boys who have feet and clumsy movements like puppies being silly around the house. but i still feel like a teen myself sometimes so i wonder how this is all happening so quickly???:D

Sky 03.04.2011 22:18

Re: Teenagers
 
Nope, you're not alone.... I think they're great too.

Nil 03.04.2011 22:19

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by st2lemans (Post 1157321)
Indeed.

My daughters always ask me NOT to scare their boyfriends, and to turn down my music!

Tom

Are you welcoming them in your underwear? :D

MusicChick 03.04.2011 22:33

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nil (Post 1157252)
and risk
I have an other 12 years before my daughter reach this terrible phase and I am hoping they'll find a pill to avoid it to happen...

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackerjack (Post 1157318)
Am I alone in thinking they are great:confused:

The trick is to become one of them - remember you are there to embarrass them....

Great post, smackerjack. No, you are not alone at all. I love that age group, and teaching them is fabulous, though it really is the most challenging student group to work with. But when you figure out how, it's the best, it's not complicated. You don't treat them clinically, nor constantly put your foot down, you show flexibility and willingness to communicate, you show you respect them, but laugh at them a little bit too. It is not the easiest to manage teen body, moodiness, angst. I feel sympathy but love the fact they lack sensitivity to some stuff and risk management so they come up with the most daring and most fun theories..I think I managed to win them over, really preps me for my own kid. I love that naivety, feed off the energy, no matter on the packaging and pose it comes with (music, clothes, behavior..). It's good not to be formalist and naggin' bore and share with them what nutty and out of ordinary one ever did in life.

And, people, do not kid yourself. Teen rebellion starts 10yr-12 now.

I also wouldn't rely on parent's advice, life is so different, the world kids live in now is so far from anything calm, reassuring what we had as teens. The strategies we developed to survive back then were more sturdy, me thinks. Life now is much faster, much more intense, cruel, flaky, all the internet pretense and bullying, if family isn't good, then they fall through the cracks so fast...it needs a slight adjustment on our part, certain consistency but delivered in palatable way, more sharing with them than ordering, so they can make their choices. Since, if you do not let them make choices (and they are fast to realize choices you give them might be just a little teaser, to make them only feel like they are in control), they will make their own choices. And before you know it, they are out. I could lecture about the "out" part, but it's too shocking, hahaha. I do share with teens around me, they trust me, we laugh, and they work. Hard. Coz they know I value it. I can always tell if teens have adults around them (at home, or whereever) who are open minded, who offer help and substance, rather than penalizing them for the superficial stuff, like image..I love older people's forgiving attitude in this, they are often so tolerant, while a generation under them just can't live with silly stuff teens get off by.

st2lemans 03.04.2011 22:36

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nil (Post 1157328)
Are you welcoming them in your underwear? :D

Only if they're still here in the morning! :eek:

Tom

Nil 03.04.2011 22:37

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicChick (Post 1157341)
And, people, do not kid yourself. Teen rebellion starts 10yr-12 now.

Please let me....at least for a while! :D

Sky 03.04.2011 22:42

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nil (Post 1157347)
Please let me....at least for a while! :D

.... wait until your toddler fully understands the power of the word "no"
she'll be using it continously :D

amaraya 03.04.2011 22:45

Re: Teenagers
 
mc is spot on, it sure does! but it goes right along with the overprotective thread- by then you hope you have explained enough and set the stage for them to make good choices, or at least know how to recover and get over bad choices and move on. honestly, the silly details about what they are interested in at that age is really unimportant- if it's football, beiber or vampire films. it's just really important that they are interested in something! the worst is having a teen who is uninterested and scared to make choices and take some chances, the biggest problems i have seen with teens who go at a hard road are those who are so focused on doing something wrong and not having the confidence or freedom to do things on their own or of their own choosing, that can be a scary thing.

Nil 03.04.2011 23:02

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sky (Post 1157357)
.... wait until your toddler fully understands the power of the word "no"
she'll be using it continously :D

Oh She does.... Looks at me with the : no no no mama, it is meeeee!

Do you want some milk? No no no noooooooo. Ok no milk for mini-me.

Nooooooooo I want milk! :confused:

Honestly, this is really close to how it is in the teenage years....

MusicChick 03.04.2011 23:06

Re: Teenagers
 
Yeah, that happens if parents don't let them test too much on their own..I think people get overly controlling, always feel like they have to filter something, screen. They don't realize their kids' voices do count. And nobody really realizes that while you are dealing with a tot, basically a brand new baby who is wired to rebel and test, teens are not so so so wired to do tings the wrong way, as it is often assumed. When kids hit teens, it is all about what you have managed to install in them before that. How good and stable their family life was, how trusting their folks were, how well they can adapt to authorities, remain themselves but be part of a bigger team, venture out of the box but don't hurt themselves in the process.

It seems it is so random, all this teen mess, nobody really takes the time to see the perfect logic, the consequences, the bilogical factor in it..people get shocked by tatoos and sudden smoking, and desire to copulate. Ha. The best my folks did when they realized I was polite and set on having things my way, was to let me get my own experience, the hardest way possible. I grew up very fast. I am still laughing about having my ears pierced multiple places with mom, who went too. She went to punk gigs, had fun with my music buddies. Dad kept a notebook of most awful teen lingo to impress our friends, we still get amused at dinner table.

There is point in life adults have to realize, they cannot continue micromanaging everything. The real ground work is done years before teenagers get all tangled up in realization that their life is theirs. You can't have them run around without responsibility, but you can't dictate, either. Since, really, they don't have to need you. They do need you and they know it, but they do not have to anymore. I decided not to and I talk to my lovely teens to actually think before they make that step.

dino 03.04.2011 23:39

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nil (Post 1157252)

I have an other 12 years before my daughter reach this terrible phase and I am hoping they'll find a pill to avoid it to happen...

The birth control pill has been around since about the 60's Nil. :D

Nil 04.04.2011 07:48

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by dino (Post 1157398)
The birth control pill has been around since about the 60's Nil. :D

:D Dah!

I was more thinking at a pill to jump the teen years or maybe some very good prozac for me! ;)

My friend's daughter is now 20 years old. She is so cool and I love to see her and be around her. But the years between 15-18 were terribles. Gosh! She was so difficult. During those years, they forget their social skills and good manners, etc. They all comes back after.

I hate to admit that my mother was right... :msnshock: But don't tell her.. ;)

Janite 04.04.2011 08:23

Re: Teenagers
 
Nil, I have 4 of those!! I love them all. They are all different with different challenges attached to each of them. I was lucky because my firstborn (16 yr old boy ) is an extremely smart and loving kid, which made it easy adjusting my parenting style to teenagers. My second one (14 yr boy) is the "cool" kid or he thinks so :D. My daughter is 12 and so far she's the most challenging. The emotional stuff, body image, hormones, etc makes for a completely new challenge for me. OMG the drama!! My youngest (10 yr boy ) will have it easy since there will be nothing new for me by the time he's a teen.

You'll love having teens , you seem like a pretty hand son Mom. As long they know the family rules and you're consistent, they will be great. :)

stephanienie 04.04.2011 08:53

Re: Teenagers
 
Looks like the girls would be more challenging to handle(drama/emotions/image) compared to the boys (black eyes/bruises/more black eyes). And its just so difficult not to be overprotective of our daughters. But the boys...blah i think u could just leave them be as they are the more "logical" creatures anyway. But i dunno, i didnt experience such teenage trouble in my family. We were all late bloomers (still blooming perhaps?its a nicer way of saying "retard") except for the youngest.

grumpygit 04.04.2011 09:05

Re: Teenagers
 
Its a natural progression, its the development that prepares you to happily pay out all your savings for their wedding/first appartment/car etc etc

summerrain 04.04.2011 09:50

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nil (Post 1157252)

The girls are always on their phone, text messaging or on their computer, Twitting or Facebooking.

Boys are playing soccer, doing their show off in the street, doing nothing at home beside putting gel in their hair to give a Justin Bieber hairstyle kinda look and pretending they are soooooo cool!

I would rather them do that then go out, get drunk, do drugs and get pregnant at 15!

They are a fascinating bunch arent they? Living in their own little worlds.

I am teaching one now and the only thing that gets her attention is anything Twilight - especially Edward Cullen. She hates the piano (her mum made her have lessons) but would love to play the tune (Clair de lune) that Edward played in the first movie - just because Edward did :msnsick: - despite me telling her that it will be quite a few years before she is able to achieve that. So as a reward if she does practice, I play it for her at the end of each lesson. Jaysus....

We tend to forget that we were them once. Sullen, rebellious, like a chick who wants to leave the nest but havent learnt to fly properly yet. They are simply adult wannabes, with no regard for the real responsibilities that lie in wait for them out there. Bless. :D

MacGregor's Daughter 04.04.2011 09:59

Re: Teenagers
 
Well, I have two and when my son turned 13, I started a thread saying Help, now I'm the mother of two teenagers... but either I'm extremely lucky or just incredibly calm and patient, so far it hasn't been too much of a hype. And Nil, girls are so much more mature, it was really easy to get to 16 without much trouble. She is more or less an adult now.

Chemmie 04.04.2011 10:16

Re: Teenagers
 
I loved being a teenager...best years of my life. I made a serious attempt to make life miserable for all around me. It was quite the feeling of power without ever considering consequences. I lived under the philosophy that you can never make a bad decision. Drove my parents insane, they were so glad to ship me off to europe :D

Sada 04.04.2011 10:45

Re: Teenagers
 
I quite enjoy them. those teenagers. some are bonkers some are actually really great.
gives me a break from the ever so boring adults who act as if though they never were young and quite stupid at times themselves.

J.L-P 04.04.2011 12:19

Re: Teenagers
 
I've the oft mentioned Miss L-P who is 2.5 years into teendom and have not found it that difficult. When her friends started having problems with their parents she told me about it and we then discussed us and them. I said "we could be like the others or we could try to understand that is is only the two of us and to have a sh*tty atmosphere for the next couple of years is not really the best way to live in a small apartment. Besides Mummy is a hell of a lot meaner than all your friends Mums combined and you know I have eyes in the back of my head.". She agreed to the latter.

99.9% of the time it's great- I only take action when she says something really stinky or her room becomes a toxic waste zone. Friday, I declared it as such and gave her till Monday morning to "do something about it". While I was at brunch Sunday there was an sms exchange:

Miss L-P: "My room is clean, my homework is done and I walked the dogs.".
J.L-P: Ahhhh bless. "Thank you Sweety*!, Mummy loves you.".
Miss L-P: "Can I go to "X's" (the boyfriend thing?)".
J.L-P: Grrrr. "Yes, Sweety* you can.".

Re: the boyfriend thing and Facebook (all social media); it has been made very clear to her ever since she started school that good grades = the world is your oyster. Yep, she is still getting her "honourable mentions" and grrrr (again) gets to keep the boyfriend thing.

Honestly, not a lot has changed here since she has become a teen, other than she has become taller than me and she is constantly in her room:

J.L-P: "Come out of your room and sit with Mummy.".
Miss L-P: yelling "I plan to come out when I am 18.".
J.L-P: with a resigned voice "Okay, although it's an Open Door Policy then."
Miss L-P: yelling again "Okaaaay, see you in a few... love you!".

It's a cross between "Gilmore Girls" and "Absolutely Fabulous" around here. The "Is Mummy fat?" dialogue from AbFab is the running joke chez the L-P's; I do whine a tiny bit like Eddy.

*I write "Sweety" in each sms to her. :)

Guest 04.04.2011 12:22

Re: Teenagers
 
Teenagers are alright.

It's the adults who still think they're teenagers (or that they're 'down with' the teenagers) who are a pain in the backside.

In the old days, people were all growed up at 21.

Nowadays people are still going clubbing and playing computer games well into their forties.

What a brave new world, eh? ;)

Nil 04.04.2011 12:36

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by J.L-P (Post 1157712)
I've the oft mentioned Miss L-P who is 2.5 years into teendom and have not found it that difficult. When her friends started having problems with their parents she told me about it and we then discussed us and them. I said "we could be like the others or we could try to understand that is is only the two of us and to have a sh*tty atmosphere for the next couple of years is not really the best way to live in a small apartment. Besides Mummy is a hell of a lot meaner than all your friends Mums combined and you know I have eyes in the back of my head.". She agreed to the latter.

99.9% of the time it's great- I only take action when she says something really stinky or her room becomes a toxic waste zone. Friday, I declared it as such and gave her till Monday morning to "do something about it". While I was at brunch Sunday there was an sms exchange:

Miss L-P: "My room is clean, my homework is done and I walked the dogs.".
J.L-P: Ahhhh bless. "Thank you Sweety*!, Mummy loves you.".
Miss L-P: "Can I go to "X's" (the boyfriend thing?)".
J.L-P: Grrrr. "Yes, Sweety* you can.".

Re: the boyfriend thing and Facebook (all social media); it has been made very clear to her ever since she started school that good grades = the world is your oyster. Yep, she is still getting her "honourable mentions" and grrrr (again) gets to keep the boyfriend thing.

Honestly, not a lot has changed here since she has become a teen, other than she has become taller than me and she is constantly in her room:

J.L-P: "Come out of your room and sit with Mummy.".
Miss L-P: yelling "I plan to come out when I am 18.".
J.L-P: with a resigned voice "Okay, although it's an Open Door Policy then."
Miss L-P: yelling again "Okaaaay, see you in a few... love you!".

It's a cross between "Gilmore Girls" and "Absolutely Fabulous" around here. The "Is Mummy fat?" dialogue from AbFab is the running joke chez the L-P's; I do whine a tiny bit like Eddy.

*I write "Sweety" in each sms to her. :)


Awwww! The Gilmore Girls all over again with a Swiss taste! :D

PaddyG 04.04.2011 12:40

Re: Teenagers
 
I love teenagers.

Especially the ones wearing miniskirts who frequent the Irish pub at the weekend ;)


[/aged old perv]

Carlos R 04.04.2011 12:43

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by PaddyG (Post 1157750)
I love teenagers.

Especially the ones wearing miniskirts who frequent the Irish pub at the weekend ;)


[/aged old perv]

You sure about that / note... :msnsarcastic:

Chemmie 04.04.2011 13:11

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Teenagers are alright.

It's the adults who still think they're teenagers (or that they're 'down with' the teenagers) who are a pain in the backside.

In the old days, people were all growed up at 21.

Nowadays people are still going clubbing and playing computer games well into their forties.

What a brave new world, eh? ;)
Quote:

Originally Posted by PaddyG (Post 1157750)
I love teenagers.

Especially the ones wearing miniskirts who frequent the Irish pub at the weekend ;)


[/aged old perv]



Yeah, it's a great time not to be a teenager as well :D:D:D

Guest 04.04.2011 13:23

Re: Teenagers
 
I had to smile upon reading the thread...Nil don't worry ...your lass will turn out to be a fine young lady in those aforementioned 10+ years!!
I have ( had) three of this kind :) , though my eldests daughter recently spread her wings and moved in a flat in town with a girl friend.....

It was when she really hit puberty ,so I did some research over a long time and wrote this article for the NST

http://www.thestork.ch/downloads/tee...ons_june07.pdf

The research into it helped me BIIIIGG TIME ,although my eldest was by then in the later stages of this 'change' i was really well prepared when my other lasses started teenagedom,,,they are now 13 and 15 ..and yes they do have mood swings and occasionally are bitchy with each other ..but overall i thnk we have found the right balance for everyone :)
Wouldn't want to miss them .....teenies or not :)

stephanienie 04.04.2011 13:52

Re: Teenagers
 
thanks for posting that link, east enders

Guest 04.04.2011 14:00

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by stephanienie (Post 1157874)
thanks for posting that link, east enders


You are welcome :) and i hope it may help you ...it's already a few years old since it was published,but i think a lot of the stuff i found out when researching it, is still the same nowadays.....it helped me most to 'distance' myself when in an outburst one of my lasses gets nasty with some remarks...i have learnt NOT to take this personal and react much more appropriately than with my eldest .....

cheerio

sylv

Nil 04.04.2011 14:07

Re: Teenagers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by EastEnders (Post 1157883)
You are welcome :) and i hope it may help you ...it's already a few years old since it was published,but i think a lot of the stuff i found out when researching it, is still the same nowadays.....it helped me most to 'distance' myself when in an outburst one of my lasses gets nasty with some remarks...i have learnt NOT to take this personal and react much more appropriately than with my eldest .....

cheerio

sylv

Thanks for this great article! Good infos indeed! :)


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