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  #21  
Old 29.04.2011, 15:57
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

Having my wife and I as your parents.
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  #22  
Old 29.04.2011, 17:03
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

Thinking about most of the very successful people I've met, they all had a difficult time as children which seems to have given then 'the edge', willpower and determination to succeed. That does not mean I advocate giving kids a hard time, but.. perhaps we do over-protect children nowadays from any little bit of hurt and aggro of real life?

Happiness (whatever that is) is a different thing altogether, that sadly many (but indeed not all) successful strivers and go-getters often do not achieve.
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  #23  
Old 29.04.2011, 18:36
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

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What makes a successful kid? How do you work on that?
Sex, to start with!
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  #24  
Old 29.04.2011, 23:15
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

The capacity of children faced with adversity to find means to rebuild their personality has been widely studied under the concept of resilience
It seems obvious but the main influencing factor are the parents: they should support and encourage their child's self-confidence.
The best text I read about parent-children and a true inspiration for me:
On Children by Khalil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
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  #25  
Old 29.04.2011, 23:32
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

Very beautiful - thanks. I will copy and print for reference.
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  #26  
Old 29.04.2011, 23:37
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

always love the khalil gibran words on children.

i always thought for a child to be their best ( what is successful, really?) they must have love, affection, acceptance, patience, gratitude and perserverance. just like adults.
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  #27  
Old 29.04.2011, 23:48
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

I am surprised no one mentioned the "tiger mother" Amy Chua. She wrote a book about strict parenting that makes your kids successful. Asian-american children are in average more successful than other children.
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  #28  
Old 30.04.2011, 00:07
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

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I think the thread is a bit misleading anyway; what does "a successful kid" look like?
I agree. Being popular does not necessarily make a child successful or vice versa.
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  #29  
Old 30.04.2011, 00:24
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

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I agree. Being popular does not necessarily make a child successful or vice versa.
True. And nor does being successful necessarily make a child happy.
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  #30  
Old 30.04.2011, 00:44
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

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Sex, to start with!
No. No. No. That's how to successfully make a kid!
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  #31  
Old 30.04.2011, 00:50
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sunflower76 has made some interesting contributions
Re: What makes a successful kid?

I agree, you can be quite successful yet feel really empty or sad. I guess that a happy kid can be quite successful, though, in their own way of course.

"The best thing a father can do to his children is love their mother."

Do you agree?
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  #32  
Old 30.04.2011, 09:00
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

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I am surprised no one mentioned the "tiger mother" Amy Chua. She wrote a book about strict parenting that makes your kids successful. Asian-american children are in average more successful than other children.
Could be that nobody here rates her methods. I know I don't.
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  #33  
Old 30.04.2011, 09:19
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

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...
"The best thing a father can do to his children is love their mother."

Do you agree?
Oh indeed. And the best thing a mother can do for her children, is love their father. (Doesn't always work out of course).

Our children are well aware that in the family the order of priority for each parent is: spouse first - children second - self last.

Of course, putting the spouse first often, in specific situations, means putting the children first. At least it seems to be working with my three teenage kids, who are still sharing their lives with us, and are generally respectful and loving.
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  #34  
Old 02.05.2011, 16:01
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

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I agree, you can be quite successful yet feel really empty or sad. I guess that a happy kid can be quite successful, though, in their own way of course.

"The best thing a father can do to his children is love their mother."

Do you agree?

I'm gonna have to dissagree with this one.

Although it is a very touching and sweet quote, it is a bit too poetic rather than realistic.

I think the best thing a father can do to his children is love his children!

Whether the parents are in a loving relationship or not is by no means the "best thing" for the child.
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  #35  
Old 02.05.2011, 16:09
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

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What do you think makes a successful kid?
One that can look after me when I retire aged 40, and ensure that I can continue living the life I wish to become accustomed to.

Seriously though, if I knew the answer, then I would have written and book, sold it and would be sitting on the proverbial beach somewhere...
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  #36  
Old 02.05.2011, 17:17
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

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No. No. No. That's how to successfully make a kid!
Me Engrish not-ta so good
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  #37  
Old 02.05.2011, 17:41
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

Sunflower, I'm sorry but your post made me laugh and sad same time.. asking a kid without friends "Where are you friends?" is like asking a homeless "Where is your house"... I mean that's depressing... Don't know if I find it more cruel what kids do or what grown-up people do. I can somehow understand how you feel. But I really dislike the thinking that there is a world for children safe and nice and the "hardcore" adult world. I mean it's natural and good that there is only one world, otherwise one would probably suffer from a heart attack when becoming 18 or so.
I think the most important thing is to show your kid that it can always count on you, but not being overprotective. To my mind 'sucessful' kids, like sucessful people in general, hate nothing more than the thought of being manipulated. But I think that was already mentioned...

btw. .. I played table tennis (some kind of verrry cool trendsport) when I was young. Met some crazy and popular children from the 'cool kids scene' there... got me introduced...
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  #38  
Old 02.05.2011, 17:57
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

I think Idle parenting does.

When home is happy and secure, but not neurotic.

Succesful kid? Is a strange concept, kids are usually happy unrelated to how others see them. It's a lovely natural narcissistic phase.

If you raise your children indenpendent on how accepted they are, they can be extremely self sufficient, go getting, succesful people who can invest themselves in relationships that matter to them, not into relationships they think they should be investing (according to some other people's believes). I think peer pressure and extreme need to be accepted by other kids have something to do with low feeling of self worth or extreme feeling of being an outcast. If kid is a happy and accepted person at home, parents motivate and support, it will most likely be self confident, successful grown up, in his/her own, unique way.

Of course, that all kids will want to be conformist to certain degree and have buddies no matter what , but how to chose them to not be dependent on bullies and flaky characters, is another thing. I loved school and was succesful there, I think to be successful academically helps shy people or people who don't care so much for conformist social ties. But our home was not so stereotypical and my parents took great care to imprint certain social independence on us. If I relied on being accepted or followed some routines that were precribed to a chick, for example, I wouldn't be successful, nor happy.

Kids are little kings, they should feel that way for a tiny bit, at least. Then they grow out of it and make somebody else feel the same way. It's got to do with being independent on immediate social environment and confidence. Making your child feel important to you in no way spoils them, in my humble opinion, makes them confident and carrying, actually.

I didn't like attention since it distracted from my plans, hahaha, so popularity at school would make me feel uncomfortable. It was decades later my old classmates told me how popular I actually was. I had my own little world. Popularity is such a weird little notion, too. So now you have a few girls who are popular because they have Barbies or manage to scold aggressively a few others. I don't think they will be the popular ones in a few years..If my child was extremely popular (as opposed to her discrete self) I would worry. Too much exposure can just pushes kids into being clowns for ever because they think the only way to buy respect and popularity is through meaningless entertainment. Making people laugh and being popular for a flimsy little moment can be fun, but that's not what matters in life in a long span.

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I was a teacher for 12 years in a private school in my country and one of the most heartbreaking things for me was to see kids alone during break time, they were eating alone, or playing, or simply there looking around.
I don't think I would put a little kid into an uncomfortable situ asking obviously lonely child too much about buddies, where they are playing, how come she/he isn't included, etc. I think that can be painful.

I simply chose an activity to do with this child, and I have a lot of loners, shy kids. I discretely praise them, give them chances to succeed academically and socially. Usually popularity increases right after, since kids really do care for teacher's opinion even if they say otherwise. But I also comment in my classes, about flaky nature of being popular, about true values, about me being once a kid and teen, etc. Solving things indirectly has proven pretty efficient. And, by the time you play with the kid, have a lot of fun, others slowly come and join. I give chances for special activities, expose, reports, where extremely shy and unpopular kids earn good grades and have their little 15min of fame, I also do side projects with kids who do not want to be exposed, free supervision if you wish with their interests that are linked to my profession. And, I very consistently go against bullying, violence, arrogance in classes. That gives a good start to anyone. And kind humor, laughing with kids is great to make kids like themselves and one another.
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  #39  
Old 02.05.2011, 18:31
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

I'm very sorry to be so 'talkative'? today but I just realized that I posted a song today in the 'song of the day' thread:"you wanted a hit" ... just noticed some parallels in the content... "but maybe we don't do hits"...maybe that's how people/kids are - they just do what they want, besides the usual concerns about the free will... and atttempts to 'control' happiness of others (or other private stuff) is unnatural.
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  #40  
Old 03.05.2011, 00:59
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Re: What makes a successful kid?

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...besides the usual concerns about the free will... and atttempts to 'control' happiness of others (or other private stuff) is unnatural.
The best post of the week, for sure.

Adults over analyse.
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