Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Off-Topic > Off-Topic > General off-topic  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01.06.2011, 17:31
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

Hey,

I have this concern coming up and I want to know how you dealt with it.

I never had a babysitter for my daughter outside of the few times I had my mom or m-i-l who took care of her. Mostly because it was just too damn expensive and didn't really bother.

Now, we need to visit apartments and we can't have her with us all day so she will have a babysitter coming to our ''home''.

I am stressed:

I don't want to be one of those mothers who can't give some freedom to their kids and who stress on everything and keep them under their skirt until they are 40.

But as many of you know, I have been victim of abduction when I was really young. And because of it, I am always stressed and I have to know where my daughter is and I must have her at a close distance or make sure I can see her at all time.

To have someone else to do the job to look after her makes me nervous. What if she runs into the street without being checked, or something else....

How other parents came to trust someone else to care for their kids? How was your first time away from them, left with a ''stranger''?

I feel absolutely ashame to even write this concern down because I am very aware of how silly it can sounds and I am expecting some harsh comments...


Nil
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 01.06.2011, 17:38
Longbyt's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 8,103
Groaned at 57 Times in 53 Posts
Thanked 12,980 Times in 4,732 Posts
Longbyt has a reputation beyond reputeLongbyt has a reputation beyond reputeLongbyt has a reputation beyond reputeLongbyt has a reputation beyond reputeLongbyt has a reputation beyond reputeLongbyt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

I don't think it sounds silly. If you've always known where your children are and always looked after them yourself it must be quite a difficult situation.

If you can spend a bit of time with the person you are considering leaving your children with, you can often get a good idea of the way they react to the children and if you would feel happy about their ability to look after them. You can never be certain though. Some folk are good at giving a good impression.

The other question of something unexpected happening is very different. Accidents can happen irrespective of who is watching the child.

Good luck in your search for a sitter and happy house-hunting.
__________________
Longbyt
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 01.06.2011, 17:50
mimi1981's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: London, previously Basel
Posts: 3,773
Groaned at 21 Times in 19 Posts
Thanked 5,792 Times in 2,173 Posts
mimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

Nil, I totally understand your fears. I have them every single Saturday

All I can say is, needs must and you have to try to adopt the British stiff upper lip so to speak (not meaning to sound harsh at all). The chances of something happening are minimal if you vet them before. I do know however that you will be anxious and nothing will change that. Trust your gut and that's all you can do.

I'm sure she will be fine and think of it as doing her a favour as you need to find her a good home.

My heart goes out to you sweetie, I know how upset and scared you feel.

Good luck and be strong xxx
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 01.06.2011, 17:53
mimi1981's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: London, previously Basel
Posts: 3,773
Groaned at 21 Times in 19 Posts
Thanked 5,792 Times in 2,173 Posts
mimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

Oh and how I felt.....sh1t scared, watched my clock constantly, felt like a bad mum and prayed for her to come back safe. When she did she couldn't understand why mummy was so over-the-top ecstatic to see her. Kids are resilient and rarely understand our fears. She won't have any ill effects I am sure xxx
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 01.06.2011, 17:56
absami's Avatar
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: schlieren
Posts: 41
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 17 Times in 12 Posts
absami has no particular reputation at present
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

i know that's very difficult the first(or the firts)time(s)...the first time i left mine with somebody,he was 3 months old,since i was working,that wasn t a choise...i cried the whole day,counting the minutes to be with him again ...and when i got there,he smiled at me and made my day.
i think i just starded to really trust the women who was taking care of him,when i got there in the morning,and my son smiled at her too,and wanted to go to her lap....children cant fake that
now he s 13 years old,and he still go sometimes just to give her a kiss..
another thing,i think that you must listen to your feelings(6'senth) and your heart,and not just hire someone just because she s got plenty of diploms...(just my opinion.....)
anyway,i wish you ll find THAT person,
regards,
Sandra
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 01.06.2011, 18:05
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

Thanks girls,

The person who is coming tomorrow has been recommended by our relocation agent. The lady is well known in the office and she is a close friend of one of the employe. She has 2 kids on her own (twins age 3). So I believe if she can handle two in the same time, mine should be a piece of cake...

I feel confident she is a good person because of who she has been recommended from.

I am more concerned of the fact that I have this fear of living my daughter to someone not ME or my mom. (I am not always super cool to leave her to my m-i-l either. It is just that I know myself and I know my mom, not her as much)

So it is a trust issue and I believe it is because of what happened when I was young. (Because of what I am scared of).

Anyway, any tips are good and hopefully I won't screw up my daughter too much before she is able to run out of the house! Will se with the boy later...

Double Sigh! I'll have the nanny's phone number on speed dial...
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 01.06.2011, 18:37
MusicChick's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 17,488
Groaned at 414 Times in 275 Posts
Thanked 20,435 Times in 10,578 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

Sounds like a typical separation anxiety, on your part, though, it is often kids who go through it, but parents too.

What I did, was to say to the sitter I want to prevent separation anxiety in a child that has only been with me, hb or my folks, so I scheduled a few try outs, first I stayed with, then left for 10 mins, then for 30min. While my child was completely fine (they always are) and wanted me to go, I was actually watching the sitter: little details, how she talks to the child, if she panics, if she has fun with the child, if she makes absent faces when I am not looking, etc. You probably have nothing to worry about, she sounds like a pro. If she can have your kiddo together with the twins that would be ideal since you would just think about how lovely it is for your child to have her new playbuddies and all the fun they have together, rather than watch your wrist all the time for how much time left you have to endure of this.

Abduction or not, this is normal. But sympathy, I can imagine the nerves.
(if this helps, explain to her why you are nervous and ask her to call you half way through).
__________________
"L'homme ne peut pas remplacer son coeur avec sa tete, ni sa tete avec ses mains." J.H. Pestalozzi

“The only difference between a rut and a grave is a matter of depth.” S.P. Cadman

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." A. Einstein
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 01.06.2011, 19:55
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

I am totally fine when she is with our parents or when she was at her preschool. But, it is to have someone else that I don't personnally know. And which level of careful or careless someone can have.

I'll be honest to her tomorrow and share my concerns with her. She seems like a lovely lady and already planed nice activities for my daughter so it shows us that she cares.

Nil
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 01.06.2011, 20:08
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: basel
Posts: 2,358
Groaned at 24 Times in 16 Posts
Thanked 2,426 Times in 1,164 Posts
biff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

From experience, I would say that adults tend to be more vigilent with other folks children, then with their own - that thought may help to reassure you a little.

Another angle to think about ^the logistics of finding somewhere to live. Do you both need to go and look at every place? There are sure to be some that are totally unsuitable, so time away from your daughter could be lessened if only one of you does the initial round of looking at places. I had not thought about it till now, but when my children were small, my husband found houses for us in three places, before I even made the moves to join him. That saved me a lot of stress.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 01.06.2011, 23:56
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Lugano
Posts: 6,552
Groaned at 129 Times in 95 Posts
Thanked 7,969 Times in 3,712 Posts
Mrs. Doolittle has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Doolittle has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Doolittle has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Doolittle has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Doolittle has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Doolittle has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

Quote:
View Post

Another angle to think about ^the logistics of finding somewhere to live. Do you both need to go and look at every place? There are sure to be some that are totally unsuitable, so time away from your daughter could be lessened if only one of you does the initial round of looking at places. I had not thought about it till now, but when my children were small, my husband found houses for us in three places, before I even made the moves to join him. That saved me a lot of stress.
In my experience, couples should look at properties together. A good agent should only show you what meets your needs and budget and it should not take days. Sometimes one spouse defers the decision to the other, often this is when only one person can look.

Nil, I know you are worried but a highly recommended babysitter is good. Welcome the opportunity to go out on your own. I do want to add that most of the families I work with bring their kids along for viewings. It is not that unusual, in fact, I find it amusing to hear what kids have to say. The things they notice can be hilarious. They also tend to ask a lot of questions. It is more work to bring them along, and they can be distracting but most everyone manages. It can also be useful if you have a stroller as you see access issues which you may have overlooked.

Good luck with the house search. Hope you find something quickly.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 03.06.2011, 21:13
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Zurich
Posts: 3,480
Groaned at 18 Times in 16 Posts
Thanked 2,008 Times in 1,196 Posts
CH_Me has a reputation beyond reputeCH_Me has a reputation beyond reputeCH_Me has a reputation beyond reputeCH_Me has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

Nil, Did you find an apartment? I can recommend the area near diagnal del mar. 5 mins walk to a huge shopping center, sea views and the gated complex we have an apartment in has as a kids pool, playroom, playground anda big grassed area, gym and big terraces.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04.06.2011, 09:24
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

Quote:
View Post
Nil, Did you find an apartment? I can recommend the area near diagnal del mar. 5 mins walk to a huge shopping center, sea views and the gated complex we have an apartment in has as a kids pool, playroom, playground anda big grassed area, gym and big terraces.
Hey,

Yes we found an apartment! Around that area actually!

The nanny was amazing! She made me feel very confident and I gave her all my trust without any doubt in my mind.

My daughter simply adore her and she had a great time. We will stay in touch and organise ourself to go for girly talk and coffee. She'll show me around and since my daughter is around the same age of her kids, she'll have some friends too.

So the whole experience was successful and I am very thankful of the good tips and kind words I got on this thread!

Thanks girls!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04.06.2011, 09:32
Longbyt's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 8,103
Groaned at 57 Times in 53 Posts
Thanked 12,980 Times in 4,732 Posts
Longbyt has a reputation beyond reputeLongbyt has a reputation beyond reputeLongbyt has a reputation beyond reputeLongbyt has a reputation beyond reputeLongbyt has a reputation beyond reputeLongbyt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advices from others parents, nannies & everybody else (anyway)

Truly delighted that it went well. It takes a lot of courage to 'jump over one's own shadow' and to do something one knows to be necessary but which is so difficult to come to terms with.

Keep up the good work and congratulations on finding a flat. Hope the move goes smoothly.
Reply With Quote
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Introduction & Single Parents activities with/without kids Star204 Family matters/health 26 20.10.2014 14:20
[Basel/Lörrach] Parents' & Children meet (Krabbelgruppe) Dodger Social events 4 05.08.2009 09:53
New English Speaking Parents & Toddler Group, Zurich Shona Family matters/health 0 30.07.2007 21:27


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 00:50.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0