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  #21  
Old 20.06.2011, 14:27
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Re: Can an aggresive woman change?

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I call it the "Joe Pesci syndrome.
You may find that "short/small man syndrome"(*) or, more correctly, "Napoleon complex" have been around a little longer in terms of nomenclature...

* - check out definition #2 in that link. I'd bet money it was written by a shorty...

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On the other hand, I find feisty women way more interesting than plain boring passive ones, though we usually frighten the crap out of men.
Aggressive is not the same as feisty.
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  #22  
Old 20.06.2011, 14:29
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Re: Can an aggresive woman change?

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I've seen plenty of women (even plenty on this forum), that seem overly aggressive, and mistake it as confidence. When in reality, it's just their insecurity which makes em to behave aggressive/hostile towards other people. In general, anybody can change, but it requires some intensive soul searching...
Who are you calling insecure you b@s....

just kidding
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  #23  
Old 20.06.2011, 14:32
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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I disagree.. I seen plenty of men cannot drive properly never mind parking! and I have seen woman change a car tire by side of road when a man just standing uselessly by..
I've also seen women pee standing up, doesn't mean the majority do on average.
I think the fact that many "women only" parking spots in Zurich are made wider than the general spots speaks to something
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  #24  
Old 20.06.2011, 14:33
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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Sounds like there is a language imbalance, too. Physical violence isn't the same as aggression. You can be aggressive without physically lashing out.
You quoted me Sandgrounder, but I am not totally sure how to understand your sentence in reflection to the part you quoted.

I did mention I use my fists, but that doesn't mean the figurative idea (like fight clubs style stuff), but quite the literal: I clench my fists and give friendly taps, or use my hands to talk (which makes it look aggressive to non-south-europeans). Added to the "aggressive" tone on the voice (which is Porto accent, really) and the "aggressive" look of my hand movements, it adds a both violent look and sound (though I am 100% innocent).

I don't know if it was unclear on my post, but I never intended to say physical violence and verbal violence negate or contradict each other.

(I'm having problems understanding you really, sorry about that )

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Aggressive is not the same as feisty.
No, but a lot of people seem to jump to conclusion a more "lively" or "feisty" woman is aggressive, simply because it doesn't fit properly in their "proper behaved/ friendly/ peaceful/ submissive" woman category I simply used the wording of the OP ^^
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  #25  
Old 20.06.2011, 14:34
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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Before you all groan, they do seem to be good at baking cakes and finding things in supermarkets.
And finding things that their husbands are unable to find even though it is under their noses...plus I park better than my husband
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  #26  
Old 20.06.2011, 14:54
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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You quoted me Sandgrounder, but I am not totally sure how to understand your sentence in reflection to the part you quoted.

I did mention I use my fists, but that doesn't mean the figurative idea (like fight clubs style stuff), but quite the literal: I clench my fists and give friendly taps, or use my hands to talk (which makes it look aggressive to non-south-europeans). Added to the "aggressive" tone on the voice (which is Porto accent, really) and the "aggressive" look of my hand movements, it adds a both violent look and sound (though I am 100% innocent).

I don't know if it was unclear on my post, but I never intended to say physical violence and verbal violence negate or contradict each other.

(I'm having problems understanding you really, sorry about that )
OK, so your explanation is now clearer but your original text mentioned "violence" and "use my fists" which gave the impression you had given someone in your husband's family a battering. Didn't realise you meant you just clench your fists and have an "aggressive" tone to your voice.

I was just trying to point out the difference of someone being violent to someone being aggressive.
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  #27  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:01
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Re: Can an aggresive woman change?

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You may find that "short/small man syndrome"(*) or, more correctly, "Napoleon complex" have been around a little longer in terms of nomenclature...
Yes, I'm aware of that... But I thought "Joe Pesci syndrome" was funnier.
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  #28  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:02
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

This is an interesting subject to me, as a few years ago now (I'm only 30 mind you) I was sat down by a friend at the time and told how I was basically a man-hater, and I should stop it, or I would never be happy, hmmm. I had honestly never thought that my occasional jokes along the lines of 'god, aren't men useless...' would be taken seriously. They were jokes, and having been raised in a single parent family with no strong male role model there was a definate matriachy of strong females to do all the deicision making and hard work.

At that point I had to step back and consider that the people I was making these jokes in front of had had more 'balanced' childhoods and probably didnt understand my sense of humour. About a month after our 'chat' I was sat in another friends garden discussing a film which centred on mens fears of a ladies private parts (can't remember the title)... anyways I commented something along the lines that it was a known condition, similar to the oedipus complex. The next thing I know my friends boyfriend was throwing dirt (which he had been potting plants with) at me and shouting that I was a total man-hater... well as you can imagine I left there and then having a few choice words to say to him, and our relationship has been vey stilted since.

This whole situation made me realise that a) I am really not a man hater - I love men, I have a great BF and had some very successful relationships even before this one (in which I have never been physically / verbally agressive) b) maybe some other peoples perception is not always the same as your own - so now I tone down my humour unless I know the person I am with can take it. Basically for fear of coming off the wrong way and c) I needed to distance myself from people who would not tell me how they felt and would all chat about what a big problem it was for me, instead of coming to me about it.

In this vain I suggest you sit down with your friend and discuss it directly with her - even if she is sometimes agressive, if she is sensible she will be able to have aconversation about her feeling on the subject. In fact she may not realise at all that this is how she is percieved!

BTW - I am an ace car parker too, lol, and even the BF with admit that
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  #29  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:08
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

Of course aggressive women can change. Good post transgression, thank you!

Look at me for example, I used to be a 100x more aggressive than I am now but then no wonder, childhood was a wee bit tough and what came after that wasn't all that easy either.

I used to be so aggressive children would make a wide cercle around me or simply not talk to me. I also scared people without even saying or doing anything.

The funny thing was that men found it all rather amusing and felt weirdly attracted by it all.

Later on I've simply had enough of it all. It was way too tough for me to go through life like that and I really wanted to be a kind and gentle woman.
Even though the thought of it made me want to puke.

Now I'm somewhere inbetween. I get to hear, you're so kind and gentle and I get to hear you're just way too aggressive.

And no, I'm not mentally disturbed.

Men are way too weird with their attitude also, they go like this, oh I like wild women but then they can't handle them and then its like, what a bitch.

So in general I say, oh screw it. Take it or leave it and stop complaining, all of you and take responsibility for what you do and say.
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  #30  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:13
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Re: Can an aggresive woman change?

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Personality is somewhat dependant on your brain structure.

Aggression can be directed and released as has been done here by the Information Manager of Telecom. (One needs to be somewhat aggressive to succeed in business.)

Not really. Almost all women I can think of who are succesful in business ae not especially aggressive. they are assertive maybe and know what they want, but I wouldn't call them aggressive. Aggressive people are usually too transparent to be good at anything.
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  #31  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:28
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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BTW - I am an ace car parker too, lol, and even the BF with admit that
Does he have a choice?
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  #32  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:34
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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Does he have a choice?
What do you think? (without wishing to sound aggressive ...)
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  #33  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:35
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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What do you think? (without wishing to sound aggressive ...)
Judging the poster by the content of her material...I highly doubt it.
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  #34  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:14
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

This thread is in line with the last episode of Desperate Housewives (season 7): Lynette & Tom Scavo relationship...she is a castrating wife and is perceived as aggressive with her "jokes".
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  #35  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:17
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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Judging the poster by the content of her material...I highly doubt it.
LMAO, yes he has a choice, he loves me and the fact that I can give him tips (such as the side mirror method anyone??).

The content of my post was to give an example where joking around can be taken the wrong way - and how its better to have a chat with the person in question rather than letting the issue stew.

Seriously though - God forbid in these 'enlightened' times that anyone gets accused of being feminist or a man-hater, I mean that automatically means you're a bitch right? . ... dare I say that throwing dirt in this way could be percieved as a male being physically aggressive towards a female... ooops, no, I just did... there I go man-hating again!!
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  #36  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:31
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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LMAO, yes he has a choice, he loves me and the fact that I can give him tips (such as the side mirror method anyone??).

The content of my post was to give an example where joking around can be taken the wrong way - and how its better to have a chat with the person in question rather than letting the issue stew.

Seriously though - God forbid in these 'enlightened' times that anyone gets accused of being feminist or a man-hater, I mean that automatically means you're a bitch right? . ... dare I say that throwing dirt in this way could be percieved as a male being physically aggressive towards a female... ooops, no, I just did... there I go man-hating again!!
Alright then, let' see....you've been told on several occasions, that you're a man hater and yet fail to acknowledge the issue....furthermore:

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This whole situation made me realise that a) I am really not a man hater
Not really, huh...just somewhat?

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I have a great BF and had some very successful relationships even before this one
Keyword "had" = not really that successful..just saying.
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  #37  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:33
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

No idea whether this might be the case here, but in the past I've found that many women's aggressive tendencies are related to excessive alcohol or other drug like cocaine.

Last edited by Odile; 20.06.2011 at 17:41.
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  #38  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:35
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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Seriously though - God forbid in these 'enlightened' times that anyone gets accused of being feminist or a man-hater, I mean that automatically means you're a bitch right? . ... dare I say that throwing dirt in this way could be percieved as a male being physically aggressive towards a female... ooops, no, I just did... there I go man-hating again!!
What this tells me is not that you are a man-hater per se, rather that you cannot take your own medicine. You spout what you want, but if someone comes back at you, they can't cope with your sense of humour.

If you can't take it, don't dish it out.
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  #39  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:51
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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What this tells me is not that you are a man-hater per se, rather that you cannot take your own medicine. You spout what you want, but if someone comes back at you, they can't cope with your sense of humour.

If you can't take it, don't dish it out.
Nope - sorry, as original post states, I have modified my behaviour around those whom I don't trust to see the funny side. I have actively tried to gain new friends outside this circle - the type who come to me first, before letting these things get 'too big'. I am an all emcompassing person, who trys to see the story from all side before going over the top. I would never say I'm a man-hater, because I'm not - I have had three long term relationships which I have ended because of cheating and distance - this is sad but nothing to do with aggression on either side. I am happy to say I am well balanced - considering my upbringing I would say I'm doing alright... ta very much.
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Old 20.06.2011, 16:57
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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Alright then, let' see....you've been told on several occasions, that you're a man hater and yet fail to acknowledge the issue....furthermore:

Not really, huh...just somewhat?

Keyword "had" = not really that successful..just saying.
Sorry, but you're trying to paint me as some type of excessively hating and aggressive person and you really couldn't be further from the truth - maybe I should get someone to back me up - or would that be percieved as bullying to you?

Yes.... I have past relationships, and I'm not ashamed to say that they both ended in long term friendships - which makes me happy. I am taking it you're still with your high school sweetheart then?

The original post from me ws trying to demonstrate that sometimes people don't know how they are being percieved. I'm not saying the woman in question isn't aggressive on purpose, but sometimes things can be taken the wrong way? And should the poster not sit down in an adult manner and confront the percieved negative trait?
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