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  #41  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:04
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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  #42  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:05
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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What this tells me is not that you are a man-hater per se, rather that you cannot take your own medicine. You spout what you want, but if someone comes back at you, they can't cope with your sense of humour.

If you can't take it, don't dish it out.
Nope - sorry, as original post states, I have modified my behaviour around those whom I don't trust to see the funny side...<snip>
Sure.

But your post also stated...

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...anyways I commented something along the lines that it was a known condition, similar to the oedipus complex. The next thing I know my friends boyfriend was throwing dirt (which he had been potting plants with) at me and shouting that I was a total man-hater... well as you can imagine I left there and then having a few choice words to say to him, and our relationship has been vey stilted since.
So he "retaliates" and you storm out in a huff with - in your words - a few choice words. Firstly, I can imagine that this is what someone who doesn't like their own medicine being thrown back at them would do... and that's about it really.

Whether you are a man-hater or not, or whether you are in a happy relationship, well, es ist mehr egal*.

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  #43  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:06
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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Love it xD
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  #44  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:08
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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.......has struggled to get a boyfriend


....... "men don't really like aggressive women do they?"
hmmm.......
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  #45  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:09
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

To be honest, a grown man chucking compost about because he is in disagreement isn't a normal reaction either.

I think I would have laughed in his face.
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  #46  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:11
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

And here I thought EF men enjoyed women who were aggressive.
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  #47  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:12
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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And here I thought EF men enjoyed women who were aggressive.

Definitely!


(especially when they forget the safety word )
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  #48  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:13
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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Seriously though - God forbid in these 'enlightened' times that anyone gets accused of being feminist or a man-hater, I mean that automatically means you're a bitch right?
Feminist no, but I would pretty much equate man-hater with bitch.
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  #49  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:14
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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Sorry, but you're trying to paint me as some type of excessively hating and aggressive person and you really couldn't be further from the truth - maybe I should get someone to back me up - or would that be percieved as bullying to you?

Yes.... I have past relationships, and I'm not ashamed to say that they both ended in long term friendships - which makes me happy. I am taking it you're still with your high school sweetheart then?

The original post from me ws trying to demonstrate that sometimes people don't know how they are being percieved. I'm not saying the woman in question isn't aggressive on purpose, but sometimes things can be taken the wrong way? And should the poster not sit down in an adult manner and confront the percieved negative trait?
I don't think you need some kind of back up at all, really. I find your post refreshing and not very kosher or pc, since admitting one's faults does not seem very fashionable. It is good to look back, though, self critically and genuinely honestly. Strong people can do it. It's not like they are losing face.

I do think we all have some kind of adjustments to make, some curb their directness, ehm, yeah, some search for more diplomacy, some get better skills as they age, some when they change cultures. I grew up with brothers roughing my feathers constantly, I am kinda appreciative, the humor, clear cut, direct and thick skinned. And most of all, not needing to get personal. There is always a good moment for non personal quib.

I think when women escape the planned route that is done there for them, the peace maker, the beautiful observer and commentator, people get allert and start looking for labels. I also feel when men do it, people cut them a slack, since they are soul searching and take longer (I know, sorry...) to maybe mature. Some, that is.

I am from a culture where directness, spontaneity and spunk is actually supported, including biting self and other people's depricating humor, etc. As long as one is on the "kind" side. Ripping on eachother, men on women, women on men, is part of the small talk. The minute it gets too rough, though, no matter how one talks/communicates be it words, fists, posture, etc. it is not tolerated and people will let you know. Constant mocking is also not very in. I have met women that were extremely aggressive with words, but nobody would really assume, you get it long time afterwards. I prefer the what you see is what you get approach but get that some people/cultures do not appreciate this. We all learn.

Maybe the ruffian is just weeding her potential suitors, since she is looking for a guy who can take some sharp but not really meant abuse? Maybe that's what she gets off by? Maybe she is living in a wrong country? Maybe suggesting to her to move and run around a bit might get her more satisfied? Instead of ripping on people? People who constantly, but really constantly rip on others or crave attention just give away their perceived inefficiencies and anxieties.

Otherwise, aggression seems to be linked to testosteron. Maybe she can run it off, or sumfin. But I do think women have as much chance to change as men. The idea of her being left on a shelf, rather prehistoric if you ask me.
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  #50  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:17
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

....... and please, let's not forget this diagram:
(it's as consistent as gravity)




Let's not confuse the obvious here:

Violent - Out
Agressive - Annoying
Crazy - Has it's limitations

Remove either of these last two = Boring



Being an agressive woman and taking what you want by force doesn't leave either of two people in a relationship happy.

She has to change.

As posted earlier, aggression can be 're-channelled'. In this case, I would suggest (if she's intellegent) to develop patience and become more 'manipulative'.

There was a movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" with the line:
"The man maybe the head of the family, but the woman is the neck...... and the neck moves the head any way it wants".
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  #51  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:38
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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So he "retaliates" and you storm out in a huff with - in your words - a few choice words. Firstly, I can imagine that this is what someone who doesn't like their own medicine being thrown back at them would do... and that's about it really.

Whether you are a man-hater or not, or whether you are in a happy relationship, well, es ist mehr egal*.

*meh (for the Mods )
Okay - literally having mud thrown in your face is slightly different to saying (not to him by the way, to my friend I was chatting to) that there is a theory about men having a fear of the females body parts -this in itself is actually stated in the actual film we were discussing. Even if I was joking about it, how could that justify such aggression being directed in that manner?

If he had sat down at the time and said 'I think what you have just said is untrue' I could have had opportunity to research and come back to him the subject, or if he had said 'I think those comments depict men in a bad light' I would have happily had a debate with him about what I had said made him feel that it was my personal opinion (which it wasn't - I was just regurgitiating that aspect of the film) - as I am with you.

But having mud thrown in my face made me angry - I actually did sit there and cry while he shouted in my face, because I was so shocked and angry at the situation. You wouldn't be angry if someone throw mud and then proceeded to shout in your face? If this is perceived as 'not being able to take it', then you're right, I can't, because in my book I percieve it as grevious bodily harm.
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  #52  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:41
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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And here I thought EF men enjoyed women who were aggressive.
only in bed.
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  #53  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:41
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

Mud... are you ok?????
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  #54  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:42
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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only in bed.
Hostile takeover of the duvet?
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  #55  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:43
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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To be honest, a grown man chucking compost about because he is in disagreement isn't a normal reaction either.

I think I would have laughed in his face.

Now I wish I had, but as you can see above my initial reaction was not so dignified
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  #56  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:44
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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... If this is perceived as 'not being able to take it', then you're right, I can't, because in my book I percieve it as grevious bodily harm.
...and somewhere in-between lies the truth, as with all internet forums, because that sure isn't GBH.

I would wonder just how friendly your friend is, as clearly she and he (the mud-slinging BF) had been discussing your "man-hating" views previously... just my opinion.

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To be honest, a grown man chucking compost about because he is in disagreement isn't a normal reaction either.

I think I would have laughed in his face.
Quite - but just what exactly did he throw. The descriptions vary, don't they. First it is compost, then mud. Did he flick some at her, as I might chuck a piece of carrot (if I was working in the kitchen) or similar? The account varies so much, that I don't know what to take as truth vs. exageration. We're not exactly getting the other side of the story here, are we?
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Old 20.06.2011, 17:46
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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Okay - literally having mud thrown in your face is slightly different to saying (not to him by the way, to my friend I was chatting to) that there is a theory about men having a fear of the females body parts -this in itself is actually stated in the actual film we were discussing. Even if I was joking about it, how could that justify such aggression being directed in that manner?

If he had sat down at the time and said 'I think what you have just said is untrue' I could have had opportunity to research and come back to him the subject, or if he had said 'I think those comments depict men in a bad light' I would have happily had a debate with him about what I had said made him feel that it was my personal opinion (which it wasn't - I was just regurgitiating that aspect of the film) - as I am with you.

But having mud thrown in my face made me angry - I actually did sit there and cry while he shouted in my face, because I was so shocked and angry at the situation. You wouldn't be angry if someone throw mud and then proceeded to shout in your face? If this is perceived as 'not being able to take it', then you're right, I can't, because in my book I percieve it as grevious bodily harm.
What you're saying then, is that you've tried to change then....but finding it very tough?
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  #58  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:50
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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Hostile takeover of the duvet?

relevant

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  #59  
Old 20.06.2011, 17:52
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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What you're saying then, is that you've tried to change then....but finding it very tough?
Wow, why do people keep prodding this lady about something they assume? Makes me chuckle..man hater is pretty empty label, so if a feminist.

In fact, I would have agreed, some have no idea how female organs function at all. I would be weary of making absolute statements, true, since they are plenty of chick organ masters, hahaha. Maybe that guy who had an aggressive fit was one of the guys? He will learn. We can assume all sorts of things.
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Old 20.06.2011, 17:53
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Re: Can aggressive women change?

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...and somewhere in-between lies the truth, as with all internet forums, because that sure isn't GBH.

I would wonder just how friendly your friend is, as clearly she and he (the mud-slinging BF) had been discussing your "man-hating" views previously... just my opinion.
You're absolutely right, I now consider them aquintances more than friends and have very much distanced myself from that group of people - gotta learn from these things, right? This is why I think the original poster should probably discuss with the person in question if they feel that this is an issue. ...You're right though, it probably wasn't technically GBH.
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