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  #21  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:21
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

Too much panic going on. Let him take the year off. He could always walk back into an IT job (I did, after taking 6 months off to live in China - and that was just for fun, I didn't do an MBA. I've actually taken four 4-6 month breaks now) or maybe get a job with his new masters or, even more exciting, get a job using both sets of skills.

Plus if you're earning good money then paying off a £12K loan won't be a big deal. I'm not sure what type of relationship you have, but the fact you calculated his loan against what he would be earning - totally ignorig what you earn - I have to guess you haven't been together very long. So maybe you need to let him go to study and see what that does to your relationship.
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  #22  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:22
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

I don't understand. Why are so many of you saying you can't do anything later on life anymore.

Many people realise a dream or even two when they are old and are finally done with running after a career and raising a family.
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  #23  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:23
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

well...i am taking into consideration HIS personality.

1. he can not handle any kind of stress related work. (he does like the job he is doing at his company but feels he will get stuck if he doesnt change "NOW"

2. he gets stressed by DEBT.

3. he likes to spend ALL the money he has and gets unhappy when he doesnt have more

4. he complains that he wishes he could buy a house...but cant afford it.

5. he says that he can only work 8 hours a day and then after than , "he needs his ME time"....

6. he says, AFTER the masters...he wants to work doing some web designs (STILL IT!!!!) and part /time "maybe" in some not-for profit.



i am not trying to say i am right at all...just getting FEEDBACK. he will do what he likes....but i am going to have to LIVE with his DECISIONS which we didnt agree on.


i wonder how he would feel if I QUIT MY JOB and he had to support me!!!!!
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  #24  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:25
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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I don't understand. Why are so many of you saying you can't do anything later on life anymore.
I think you'll find that all those comments are coming from sarcastic people.
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  #25  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:27
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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I think you'll find that all those comments are coming from sarcastic people.
You mean they are not serious? Why?
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  #26  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:30
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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i wonder how he would feel if I QUIT MY JOB and he had to support me!!!!!
so it comes down to meanness in the end.
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  #27  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:33
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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..but i am going to have to LIVE with his DECISIONS which we didnt agree on.


Think that is probably the most important part of this. Can you live with the decision he makes? If you can't then maybe you have to rethink the whole relationship otherwise you could end up just resenting the situation further down the line. You have to question yourself, what are your own limits as to what you are willing to accept?

Good luck, I hope that you manage to talk it through together and sort it out.
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  #28  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:39
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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I don't understand. Why are so many of you saying you can't do anything later on life anymore.

Many people realise a dream or even two when they are old and are finally done with running after a career and raising a family.
At a glance I only saw one comment about the fact that he shouldn't change - one that could hardly be taken as serious.

Am I looking at a different thread?
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  #29  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:42
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

Of all the reasons for taking a year out for, doing it to get an MBA is not exactly going to look bad on the cv. It's not like he'll be starting from no experience, as you state, he's already got however many years in IT in whatever field.

IT skills and an MBA are a pretty useful combination I would have thought.
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  #30  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:42
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

AdrianLondon - I used the GBP 12k based on his salary only...because HE is making the decision on his own....so I felt it is right he sorts it out on his own.

we have been together almost 2 years btw.

good to have feedback.

i will let him do what he wants and let the balls fall where they may.

but i have to say...AGAIN--- i make the twice as much as he does...and if i did that...he would not accept it.

and he earns €1500 /month NET....so that is not a lot after paying expenses.
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  #31  
Old 20.06.2011, 15:55
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

"He wants to quit his job and go to school! And I make twice as much as he does! He's crazy!!"

or

"He wants to quit his job and go to school! And he makes twice as much as I do! He's crazy!!"


Will it ever make any difference? Based on your description of him, he's no catch, and you got all your ducks in a row. Though somehow I have a feeling that might be the case regardless of the man.
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  #32  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:04
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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"He wants to quit his job and go to school! And I make twice as much as he does! He's crazy!!"

or

"He wants to quit his job and go to school! And he makes twice as much as I do! He's crazy!!"


Will it ever make any difference? Based on your description of him, he's no catch, and you got all your ducks in a row. Though somehow I have a feeling that might be the case regardless of the man.
I agree with each of your many words.

The biggest problem I can see is with the relationship itself - the OP seems mean and serious and businesslike (no criticism) and the OPs OH seems like a restless child (again, no criticism). I can see you both resenting each other intensely whatever decisions are made.

Unless you feel you can't, I'd end the relationship. I feel that this conversation about careers and lifestyles etc is but a symptom of a wider ranging problem caused by fundamental differences about how you see life. As your relationship matures, things like a low earning partner who spends everything, doesn't save and wants to quit his job to find himself will become more and more important.
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  #33  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:05
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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AdrianLondon - I used the GBP 12k based on his salary only...because HE is making the decision on his own....so I felt it is right he sorts it out on his own.

we have been together almost 2 years btw.
Hmmmm... I know I probably am not the best one to get onto this tangent but this really smacks of something wrong to me.

This is a decision you should be making TOGETHER, for you to have this attitude about him making the decision on his own as well as him sorting it out himself really isn't great.


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i will let him do what he wants and let the balls fall where they may.

but i have to say...AGAIN--- i make the twice as much as he does...and if i did that...he would not accept it.

and he earns €1500 /month NET....so that is not a lot after paying expenses.
You need to let go of this. Completely. IF I were working outside the home, in the field where I have 15yrs experience, I would be making twice as much as (or more than) my husband as well. To focus on the money of it does no good for anyone. Trust me on this.


Meanwhile, some of the things you've said conflict or at least cause confusion. He IS 32 or he has been working for 32yrs - you've said both in different posts.

I quit my job when I was in my early 30s as well. I'd been working in the same job / field since I was 18, I knew if I didn't make changes then, I'd be unhappy for a long time as I'd been hoping to "settle down" soon'ish and didn't want to cause turmoil later if I continued to put off going to school.

There are a lot of people going to school at different ages these days. Many who (like me) started working fresh out of school (late teens) instead of going to uni straight away, many who got their degrees and worked their field for a couple years and decided they weren't satisfied. There are also others who work a career for 20yrs or so to get their first pension squared and then head back to school in their 40s and 50s - my father did this, getting a degree in teaching after he retired from the military.

So. After you get over the money thing (your salary vs his) and the "his decision on his own" thing, think about this: Can you handle things being a bit topsy-turvy for the next year or two "now"? Would you be able to handle it as well in 5 or 10 years?

If he's dissatisfied with what he's doing, it really is just a matter of time before he "has" to make some change. I really think that early 30s is a great time to do it if you (as a couple) can, especially as if you two wait much longer, the chances of having increased financial obligations (children, mortgage, pets with needs, etc) will be greater then.
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  #34  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:05
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer...

What were your marriage vows ?
I just had to think of Kate & William. I've hardly ever seen a couple pronounce those words that fast and monotonous and with such a lets get over this attitude.
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  #35  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:08
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

...more importantly, why do you rather discuss your relationship with a bunch of unstable strangers instead of taking it up with your other half? Do you think he'd approve of the ways you described him?
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  #36  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:20
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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but i have to say...AGAIN--- i make the twice as much as he does....

and he earns €1500 /month NET....so that is not a lot after paying expenses.
That may be the root of the problem. If he is not fulfilling his potential and feels that you are succeeding where he hasn't it is not surprising that he wants a change.

Probably time for you both to sit down and discuss it rather than here. Try to understand his point of view and be supportive (emotionally as well as financially).

If you cannot, is the relationship going anywhere?
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  #37  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:22
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

Have you done a bit of research on Sustainable Biz? If you did, you would support him. It sounds like he knows what he is doing. You might be in a gutter with your well paid job in a few years, glad he has done his requalification, and in something which seems to be all big hype in a couple of years. The fact he cannot use his degree right now, and in Germany (which honestly does not sound so right), does not mean in a few years it will still be this way. There is one safe investment, and it is into education.

I understand the fears, but going through another course myself, that I am doing not because I love books or have a mid life crisis, but because I know it secures jobs in the future, no matter where one is, I would tell you not to panic. Might be that you are in fact going through a pretty anxious phase yourself, some kind of panic crisis...Let him deal with the consequences, with investing into school, and not having gadgets. Travelling, gadgets, making loads of cash, not having kids, sounds like a very consumer life. Investing into edu might give it some substance. You may want to listen to his reasoning...
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  #38  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:23
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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...more importantly, why do you rather discuss your relationship with a bunch of unstable strangers instead of taking it up with your other half? Do you think he'd approve of the ways you described him?
Yeah, right on LiB... I think... !?! wait, woah... unstable? Who you calling unstable?
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  #39  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:27
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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That may be the root of the problem. If he is not fulfilling his potential and feels that you are succeeding where he hasn't it is not surprising that he wants a change.

Probably time for you both to sit down and discuss it rather than here. Try to understand his point of view and be supportive (emotionally as well as financially).

If you cannot, is the relationship going anywhere?

Seriously---I've heard it a million times, about how finances ruin a relationship. But I would never continue or enter a relationship that was affected by finances. That being said, it would be nice to have a partner who has at least the potential to have the same earning power as I do, but would never reject someone because of it. I spent almost a decade in a relationship where I essentially made nothing, and she was working good 44 hour weeks. Finances were never a big issue
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  #40  
Old 20.06.2011, 16:29
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Re: Mid Life Crisis at 32- Quits Job

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I agree with each of your many words.

The biggest problem I can see is with the relationship itself - the OP seems mean and serious and businesslike (no criticism) and the OPs OH seems like a restless child (again, no criticism). I can see you both resenting each other intensely whatever decisions are made.

Unless you feel you can't, I'd end the relationship. I feel that this conversation about careers and lifestyles etc is but a symptom of a wider ranging problem caused by fundamental differences about how you see life. As your relationship matures, things like a low earning partner who spends everything, doesn't save and wants to quit his job to find himself will become more and more important.
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That may be the root of the problem. If he is not fulfilling his potential and feels that you are succeeding where he hasn't it is not surprising that he wants a change.

Probably time for you both to sit down and discuss it rather than here. Try to understand his point of view and be supportive (emotionally as well as financially).

If you cannot, is the relationship going anywhere?
I'm with Economisto and DP on this and also feel the nature of relationship itself is what's at the crux of the matter and needs discussing / resolving.

I wish you both all the best and hope you can find a solution that is a win-win situation for the two of you.
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