Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Off-Topic > Off-Topic > General off-topic  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:05
Upthehatters2008's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: In the kitchen at parties.
Posts: 4,540
Groaned at 204 Times in 120 Posts
Thanked 6,078 Times in 2,378 Posts
Upthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond repute
Advice to a daughter in law to be...

It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you. Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you.

It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.
Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace.
Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners I have experienced from you. If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.

There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series. Please, for your own good, for Freddie's sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

I have no idea whether you wrote to thank [your future sister-in-law] for the weekend but you should have hand-written a card to her.

You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed at Houndspool.

[Your future sister-in-law] has quite the most exquisite manners of anyone I have ever come across. You would do well to follow her example.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic.

I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition.
She quietly gets on with it. She doesn't like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar.

As a diabetic of long standing you must be acutely aware of the need to prepare yourself for extraordinary eventualities, the walk to Mothecombe beach being an example.

You are experienced enough to have prepared yourself appropriately.
No-one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:12
porsch1909
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Some of her points about manners when visiting someone's house are valid. Especially the lying in late while everyone else is up one.

Also the starting before everyone else does.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:14
Upthehatters2008's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: In the kitchen at parties.
Posts: 4,540
Groaned at 204 Times in 120 Posts
Thanked 6,078 Times in 2,378 Posts
Upthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
Some of her points about manners when visiting someone's house are valid. Especially the lying in late while everyone else is up one.

Also the starting before everyone else does.
The greatest of manners, is not imposing yours on others.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:15
Chemmie's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Zurich
Posts: 4,144
Groaned at 33 Times in 29 Posts
Thanked 4,951 Times in 2,233 Posts
Chemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
The greatest of manners, is not imposing yours on others.

ahhh, the irony
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:17
porsch1909
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
The greatest of manners, is not imposing yours on others.
And by her going to someone's house and imposing some of her rude manners is what?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:23
Upthehatters2008's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: In the kitchen at parties.
Posts: 4,540
Groaned at 204 Times in 120 Posts
Thanked 6,078 Times in 2,378 Posts
Upthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
And by her going to someone's house and imposing some of her rude manners is what?
She imposed nothing (expected from others)... Rude ? Well, what does that mean - people doing things you do not like ? Best adjust your outlook so you can escape from the reigns of dissappointment. We can't change people, but we can change how we view them. For me, this is best done by getting of my high horse and getting nearer to the Earth.

For me, as a host, it is vital for me to know my guests are comfortable, doing their own thing, and are at ease. I am honoured to receive guests. I do not place myself above them.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:26
porsch1909
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
She imposed nothing (expected from others)... Rude ? Well, what does that mean - people doing things you do not like ? Best adjust your outlook so you can escape from the reigns of dissappointment. We can't change people, but we can change how we view them. For me, this is best done by getting of my high horse and getting nearer to the Earth.

For me, as a host, it is vital for me to know my guests are comfortable, doing their own thing, and are at ease. I am honoured to receive guests. I do not place myself above them.
If you are sitting down for a family meal in a formal setting and are a guest, then starting before everyone is rude in most places I know.

I'm not saying that I agree with the battleaxes letter but some of her point are legit...but could have been expressed in a better manner.

Furthermore, the fiance should have brought the fiancee up to speed on the etiquette of the household beforehand.

Forwarding a private email to the whole world is probably the most rude thing the future daughter in law did though.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:28
NSchulzi's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Zug
Posts: 2,422
Groaned at 52 Times in 33 Posts
Thanked 2,523 Times in 1,215 Posts
NSchulzi has a reputation beyond reputeNSchulzi has a reputation beyond reputeNSchulzi has a reputation beyond reputeNSchulzi has a reputation beyond reputeNSchulzi has a reputation beyond reputeNSchulzi has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

It this marriage goes ahead I will eat my ...
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:30
Upthehatters2008's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: In the kitchen at parties.
Posts: 4,540
Groaned at 204 Times in 120 Posts
Thanked 6,078 Times in 2,378 Posts
Upthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
If you are sitting down for a family meal in a formal setting and are a guest, then starting before everyone is rude in most places I know.

I'm not saying that I agree with the battleaxes letter but some of her point are legit...but could have been expressed in a better manner.

Furthermore, the fiance should have brought the fiancee up to speed on the etiquette of the household beforehand.

Forwarding a private email to the whole world is probably the most rude thing the future daughter in law did though.
We live in different worlds... The Host / Guest relation is not a hierarchy, or defined by the pages of a stuffy Victorian book on manners.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:31
Chemmie's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Zurich
Posts: 4,144
Groaned at 33 Times in 29 Posts
Thanked 4,951 Times in 2,233 Posts
Chemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:32
Upthehatters2008's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: In the kitchen at parties.
Posts: 4,540
Groaned at 204 Times in 120 Posts
Thanked 6,078 Times in 2,378 Posts
Upthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
How wude ! Eating with your mouth open...
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:37
Hedgehog of death's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Brighton
Posts: 790
Groaned at 43 Times in 26 Posts
Thanked 543 Times in 249 Posts
Hedgehog of death has a reputation beyond reputeHedgehog of death has a reputation beyond reputeHedgehog of death has a reputation beyond reputeHedgehog of death has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you. Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you.

It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.
Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace.
Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners I have experienced from you. If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.

There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series. Please, for your own good, for Freddie's sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

I have no idea whether you wrote to thank [your future sister-in-law] for the weekend but you should have hand-written a card to her.

You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed at Houndspool.

[Your future sister-in-law] has quite the most exquisite manners of anyone I have ever come across. You would do well to follow her example.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic.

I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition.
She quietly gets on with it. She doesn't like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar.

As a diabetic of long standing you must be acutely aware of the need to prepare yourself for extraordinary eventualities, the walk to Mothecombe beach being an example.

You are experienced enough to have prepared yourself appropriately.
No-one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.
Kind of formal - but that was the I was brought up.
DiL seems to be typical of the me, me, me generation of badly parented kids TBH

Now this is the public domain, I somewhat expect the wedding is history ....
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:40
porsch1909
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
We live in different worlds... The Host / Guest relation is not a hierarchy, or defined by the pages of a stuffy Victorian book on manners.
You are saying that if you went to your in laws for the first time and you all sat down for dinner in what looks to be polite company and as soon as you got food in your plate you started eating, despite everyone else not doing such, that you would think that not to be rude?

Why don't we make it a different situation. If you went for lunch with a client to a restaurant and you received your rosti before they received their fondue. Would you start immediately or wait for the client to get his fondue first?
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:44
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: CH
Posts: 11,134
Groaned at 356 Times in 291 Posts
Thanked 16,434 Times in 8,351 Posts
greenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you. Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you.

It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.
Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace.
Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners I have experienced from you. If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.

There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series. Please, for your own good, for Freddie's sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

I have no idea whether you wrote to thank [your future sister-in-law] for the weekend but you should have hand-written a card to her.

You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed at Houndspool.

[Your future sister-in-law] has quite the most exquisite manners of anyone I have ever come across. You would do well to follow her example.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic.

I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition.
She quietly gets on with it. She doesn't like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar.

As a diabetic of long standing you must be acutely aware of the need to prepare yourself for extraordinary eventualities, the walk to Mothecombe beach being an example.

You are experienced enough to have prepared yourself appropriately.
No-one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.
Asking a diabetic NOT to declare what she or he will eat was the best part.
The second best: a hand written card. Did the scene take place in 19th century..
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 30.06.2011, 19:45
Upthehatters2008's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: In the kitchen at parties.
Posts: 4,540
Groaned at 204 Times in 120 Posts
Thanked 6,078 Times in 2,378 Posts
Upthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond reputeUpthehatters2008 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Bad manners ? Rude ?

Perhaps someone can take points from the MiL and then tell me why They should be obeyed or followed ?

The MiL obviously felt aggrieved at not being placed at the top of the pecking order, nearly every point screamed "Me, me me". Victorian snobbery and stuffy attitude. There is absolutely no detrimental effect from the DiL's actions other than putting the MiL's nose out of joint because her rules were broken.

The reason this has gone viral is because the MiL has acted in an absurd and selfish way, and everyone is having a good old laugh, all over the world.

Manners ? Address me as Sir before you reply please.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 30.06.2011, 20:04
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Lausanne
Posts: 794
Groaned at 118 Times in 36 Posts
Thanked 765 Times in 375 Posts
Noth has an excellent reputationNoth has an excellent reputationNoth has an excellent reputationNoth has an excellent reputation
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

I most liked the "rise at the same time the hosts do". This isn't a 9-5 world anymore, and some of us are not morning people. Get over the "all up at the same time" and just enjoy *when* people are up. Much less aggro all round
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 30.06.2011, 20:17
porsch1909
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
I most liked the "rise at the same time the hosts do". This isn't a 9-5 world anymore, and some of us are not morning people. Get over the "all up at the same time" and just enjoy *when* people are up. Much less aggro all round
The onus is really on the fiancÚ to have told his fiancee that she should be up earlier than normal to make a good impression.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 30.06.2011, 20:25
Sky's Avatar
Sky Sky is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere special far away
Posts: 4,318
Groaned at 68 Times in 50 Posts
Thanked 7,174 Times in 2,655 Posts
Sky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

I'm very backwards.... sorry....
I haven't the fainest idea what this thread is about.
Is it from a book ? or a television program ?

Please enlighten me.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 30.06.2011, 20:29
porsch1909
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Quote:
View Post
I'm very backwards.... sorry....
I haven't the fainest idea what this thread is about.
Is it from a book ? or a television program ?

Please enlighten me.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...laws-hate.html

Since uth is so obtuse.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 30.06.2011, 20:29
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Advice to a daughter in law to be...

Same here - until just now. It's been on the BBC news a few minutes ago- some gardening guru from TV sent this message to her future daughter-in-law- supposed to be private but somehow was picked up and send all around the world. Marriage still on apparently. Being a MIL is not always easy - but ... not a very clever way to deal with her concerns, even if the message had stayed private
Reply With Quote
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
law advice on possible stolen money fkdstm Finance/banking/taxation 77 02.06.2011 18:52
Can They Fire Me? Swiss Employment Law - Advice? Momus Daily life 18 26.06.2010 13:19
UK law advice. Anthony1406 Permits/visas/government 20 20.05.2010 14:50
Employment Law Advice rich98 Employment 9 08.12.2008 19:23
Advice please should i send my daughter to school tomorrow Sutter General off-topic 62 21.10.2008 00:32


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 23:10.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0