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Old 27.03.2012, 16:39
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How SAFE are dating sites?

a few days ago I helped my childhood friend, a single working mother, subscribe to Parship Italy. actually it was my idea because after many disastrous relationships she has been alone for quite a while and starting to really suffer from loneliness. since I know at least two wonderful and lasting couples that have met on a dating site, I don't see why should she shouldn't give it a try, too. Parship seems serious and has moderators, which seems a good thing (a bit like EF)

well, after the initial "let's do it for the fun of it" now she has received a lot of messages from men who seem sincerely interested and interesting. this is making her feel really great and positive, but now she's calling me every few hours asking me how she should react or answer to certain messages. some are asking directly for a telephone contact or for an encounter.

HELP! having no concrete experience myself I am afraid of giving advice which might lead A. to further disappointment B. to physical danger for herself and her child.
how would you say that she can recognize someone with bad intentions? maybe it's my bad impression of italian men in general, but there are so many out there who are just looking for some horizontal action (nothing against that, but it shouldn't be the only thing). not to mention serial killers???!!!
I'm feeling guilty now already... THANKS!
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Old 27.03.2012, 20:47
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

I have a couple of friends who have met their partners online.

I think that she should go on her instincts and make sure that if she meets a guy that she meets him in a very public place - not just the first time but until she feels comfortable.

That until she is 100% sure that she wants to meet again that she does not give her address out or details of where she works.

That she has her mobile phone with her at all times and for the first few dates she tells you or another friend exactly where she is going and maybe you can call her and check out all is ok.
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Old 27.03.2012, 21:34
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

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I have a couple of friends who have met their partners online.

I think that she should go on her instincts and make sure that if she meets a guy that she meets him in a very public place - not just the first time but until she feels comfortable.

That until she is 100% sure that she wants to meet again that she does not give her address out or details of where she works.

That she has her mobile phone with her at all times and for the first few dates she tells you or another friend exactly where she is going and maybe you can call her and check out all is ok.
thank you for these very concrete and sound tips, I will pass them on.
we were both thinking more or less along those lines but hadn't really got to the point (also due to inexperience) of setting such clearly defined rules. very helpful!
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Old 27.03.2012, 22:33
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

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I have a couple of friends who have met their partners online.

I think that she should go on her instincts and make sure that if she meets a guy that she meets him in a very public place - not just the first time but until she feels comfortable.

That until she is 100% sure that she wants to meet again that she does not give her address out or details of where she works.

That she has her mobile phone with her at all times and for the first few dates she tells you or another friend exactly where she is going and maybe you can call her and check out all is ok.
that is pretty much what a friend of mine did, Let her brother know. As well as letting her brother know whatever details she had on the person, also let her brother know after when she was home safe after each date
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Old 27.03.2012, 22:41
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

And to never divulge her private email adress - until she has actually met the person and feels secure enough before opting to go "private" - she should stick to contact thru the site. The world is FULL of scammers.
Before actually meeting anyone she should have his full name, phone number/address/car registration and check them out (dunno how its done but people do that, on the internet). And to follow the above advice!
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Old 27.03.2012, 22:43
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

@venice: A quick scan of this site that I just googled - http://www.onlinedatingsafetytips.com/ - seems to give some pretty good detailed safety advice and tips.

I've known people who met their other half via online dating sites and went on to have very happy, long and successful relationships. All proof that it can and does work.

I guess it goes without saying that always following your gut instincts and not rushing into things are high up there on the list of things to do from the get-go. However, as one friend told me, it's amazing how easily common sense can go out of the window when it comes to this, especially at the beginning stages and if - as they had - been out of the so-called dating scene for a while. Luckily, they soon came to their senses and eventually ended up with a very nice other half.

Anyhoo, hope this helps and best of luck to your friend!

Keep us posted.
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Old 27.03.2012, 22:55
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

Agreed with your security plans, they look OK.

A friend of mine was stupidy swindled out of Fr 10'300 from a man she met on Swiss-friends! The thread is on here, Cheating an old lady on Internet dating site To validate himself he sent a copy of a valid US passport, which was probably stolen: after the swindle the US embassy in Bern said they had "Seen it before in similar circumstances"

I only had problems with Parship when I came to cancel. I wrote a cancellation E-Mail & switched off the automatic renewal, but they switched it back on and charged me for another 3 months.

I cancelled my credit card to stop any further renewals, and then I received threatening letters from their lawyers. After a month I printed out the original E-Mail and posted this to their office in Hamburg, and then they were quiet. The ba***rds got an extra 3 months from me. I called my credit card company, but of course I had no proof that they had switched the automatic renewal option back on. The credit card company said at the time I still had a valid contract, and they could not recover my money.

I strongly reccommend your friend cancels her subscription with a registered letter.

Last edited by Sbrinz; 27.03.2012 at 23:06.
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Old 27.03.2012, 23:04
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

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I have a couple of friends who have met their partners online.
Yes, several past girlfriends, and my wife.

Also have several friends that met their wives this way.

Ironically, my wife is the one who had the most "red flags"!
However, turns out that all the weird, unbelievable BS she told me was perfectly true!
(and easily verified, as we have far too many common acquaintances)

Now, for safety, never give out your name, address, or phone. Meanwhile, one ex girlfriend (whom I'm still friends with) was able to figure out all of the above given just my first name, and the area of CH I live in!

Tom
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Old 27.03.2012, 23:32
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

Use a pay as you go mobile phone, and get another e-mail account, and follow all other advice.

I have a friend in the UK who uses a dating website, and she has some very funny stories about who she meets.
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Old 27.03.2012, 23:40
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

I recently came across these horror stories.... they can be amusing...

http://www.theawl.com/2012/03/online-dating-horror-stories

My online date was eight-and-a-half months pregnant. She never mentioned that prior to our meeting. True, I swear. My first words on our date were: 'Pardon me, but are you pregnant?' A gay friend of hers, it turns out, had inseminated her with a turkey baster, or so she said. When I asked what she was doing on a blind date when she was going to give birth in two weeks she said: 'The baby has me; I want someone.'
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Old 27.03.2012, 23:42
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

So what is a really good dating site to use in Switzerland?? specifically the Zurich area.
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Old 27.03.2012, 23:45
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

After all the costs and the hassel, an anouncement card on the Migros notice board seems to be a good idea!
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Old 27.03.2012, 23:48
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

THANK YOU guys, for all your advice and comments!

I just passed everything on to my friend who says to "thank my virtual swiss friends" for the advice

she has a couple of interesting guys on her hands, two of them even witty and good looking (not bad!) one question: one very "romantic" guy (for an italian guy this means usually STICKY) is neither showing his photo nor asking her for her photo, but writing very profound mails about going to live in a lighthouse (). she's perfectly ok with this and even thinks it's a refreshing approach "not based on exterior impressions". to me it seems very strange!!!

what do you think, is it a good or bad sign or maybe completely irrelevant to ask for a meeting without having shared photos?!
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Old 27.03.2012, 23:50
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

Cant quite bring myself to stick up a wanted ad in the Migros, how would you even go about doing that, i mean introduction, about yourself, etc etc what you want blah blah blah
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Old 27.03.2012, 23:51
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

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Cant quite bring myself to stick up a wanted ad in the Migros, how would you even go about doing that, i mean introduction, about yourself, etc etc what you want blah blah blah
I think it was meant to be ironic
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Old 27.03.2012, 23:53
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

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THANK YOU guys, for all your advice and comments!

I just passed everything on to my friend who says to "thank my virtual swiss friends" for the advice

she has a couple of interesting guys on her hands, two of them even witty and good looking (not bad!) one question: one very "romantic" guy (for an italian guy this means usually STICKY) is neither showing his photo nor asking her for her photo, but writing very profound mails about going to live in a lighthouse (). she's perfectly ok with this and even thinks it's a refreshing approach "not based on exterior impressions". to me it seems very strange!!!

what do you think, is it a good or bad sign or maybe completely irrelevant to ask for a meeting without having shared photos?!
How old is your friend? where's she live (city not address), whats she looking for? does she speak English?
Damn I sound desperate lol
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Old 27.03.2012, 23:57
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

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How old is your friend? where's she live (city not address), whats she looking for? does she speak English?
Damn I sound desperate lol
you do
I don't think you'd want to meet her if you're an anglosaxon gentleman, she has not only a sicilian temperament but plenty of jealous male relatives
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Old 28.03.2012, 00:00
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

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I recently came across these horror stories.... they can be amusing...

http://www.theawl.com/2012/03/online-dating-horror-stories

ouch! but at least no serial killers (well, there would be no first hand report about that, I guess...)
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Old 28.03.2012, 00:02
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

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Agreed with your security plans, they look OK.

I only had problems with Parship when I came to cancel. I wrote a cancellation E-Mail & switched off the automatic renewal, but they switched it back on and charged me for another 3 months.

I cancelled my credit card to stop any further renewals, and then I received threatening letters from their lawyers. After a month I printed out the original E-Mail and posted this to their office in Hamburg, and then they were quiet. The ba***rds got an extra 3 months from me. I called my credit card company, but of course I had no proof that they had switched the automatic renewal option back on. The credit card company said at the time I still had a valid contract, and they could not recover my money.

I strongly reccommend your friend cancels her subscription with a registered letter.
good to know! I hadn't thought of that
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Old 28.03.2012, 00:04
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

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you do
I don't think you'd want to meet her if you're an anglosaxon gentleman, she has not only a sicilian temperament but plenty of jealous male relatives
Jealous male relatives!!!! ermmm sounds just a bit too much like Norfolk to me lol
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