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Old 24.07.2012, 02:27
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Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

Okay so...this is my first post here though I have lurked the forums a bit over the past year. This topic may seem strange but I'm sort of looking for thoughts/advice on something.

So over the past year I've had a really tough time. I'm not really going to go in to details as it's mostly the usual troubles most people face and I don't wanna bore anyone. Anyway, long story short I was quite depressed and a friend suggested I needed to get some uncomplicated sex to clear my mind and I ended up (for the first time) getting a call-girl/escort.

She was really nice/sweet and I ended up seeing her 3 more times over the next month. Usually before and after we would talk a bit, get to know each other better and she said I am a really sweet/polite/nice guy and she wanted to get to know me more outside of "work". I agreed and we became friends (and occasionally sleep together) but both decided to stop seeing each other "professionally" as we didn't want to mix busines and pleasure.

The thing is, I didn't really think much about it since I just considered it great that I met a new friend that I enjoy spending time hanging out with and we have fun both as friends and as friends with benefits.

Now comes the complicated part: the same story has repeated itself twice-over. The exact same experience with 2 other escorts. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm lucky and most guys would say I hit the jackpot and no one is getting any hurt feelings (the 3 of them know about each other and they prefer to keep an open-casual sex friendship with me as their jobs would make a real relationship too complicated)

But I'm really feeling like something went wrong somewhere. I'm generally a very nice guy and people tend to like me well enough as I'm very easy-going but I feel like this situation is a little weird...anyone have thoughts or advice for me? :/

Also just to clarify: when I saw them it was never at the clubs, always home visits only and as much as it may seem like it, this topic is not about me boasting or being self-congratulating. I am genuinely confused by the strangeness of it all.

Also I'm not an amazing looking guy. I'm relatively decent looking and actually a bit on the chubby side so I know it can't be my looks that got me into this.
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  #2  
Old 24.07.2012, 07:48
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

Do you have any contact with them now or did all contact stopped?
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Old 24.07.2012, 07:57
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

Sorry dude, I wouldn't call someone you pay to get laid a "friend" whatever your feelings might be. Friends are people that care about you without any "ifs" or "buts", whatever the circumstances.

Get out and meet new people in social circles that interest you, whatever that might be. Meeting friends of friends is a free benefit, or spend a few hundred bucks for on-line dating. Seems that you need to be honest with yourself or you're only going to end up with a train wreck of a pseudo-relationship.
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Old 24.07.2012, 10:51
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

Agreed with what has been said. You have to make up your mind of what you want exactly.
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Old 24.07.2012, 10:58
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

What's the problem here exactly?

You got 3 hookers who have decided to waive their fee for you cos you're a nice guy and this somehow seems to make you unhappy?
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Old 24.07.2012, 11:04
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

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What's the problem here exactly?

You got 3 hookers who have decided to waive their fee for you cos you're a nice guy and this somehow seems to make you unhappy?
Yeah, just wait till he receives the annual invoice...
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Old 24.07.2012, 13:43
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

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Do you have any contact with them now or did all contact stopped?
I hang out with at least one of them once a week. Mostly just to kill a few hours at my place watching a movie or just listening to music and talking about their/my day/week and generally just having a relaxed time. Sex isn't always a part of the visit, actually I would say it happens once out of every 3-5 visits. Mostly we just enjoy our time together.

The thing isn't that I'm unhappy about it, more that I'm confused as to if what I am doing is right. I feel like I'm taking advantage of them somehow and I do consider them friends but am a little new to the whole friends with benefits thing, especially considering how we met.

And there is no longer any money involved (not counting ordering out or going to the movies and since I was raised to be a little old fashioned I always insist on paying for these things)
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Old 24.07.2012, 13:57
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

Interesting post but Problem statement is missing. Can you please me more specific?
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Old 24.07.2012, 13:59
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

Can you not suggest you all get together and become friends together?


You could end up making some money from that if you mistakenly left your camcorder running.
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Old 24.07.2012, 14:07
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

This is your conscience speaking:

If it doesn't feel right, it isn't. Is this the kind of person you really want to be?
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Old 24.07.2012, 14:08
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

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This is your conscience speaking:

If it doesn't feel right, it isn't. Is this the kind of person you really want to be?
Surely he is doing it wrong
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Old 24.07.2012, 14:12
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

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And there is no longer any money involved (not counting ordering out or going to the movies and since I was raised to be a little old fashioned I always insist on paying for these things)
Wha! You're buying them food? At Swiss prices? No wonder they still want to hang out with you.
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Old 24.07.2012, 14:15
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

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...
Now comes the complicated part: the same story has repeated itself twice-over. The exact same experience with 2 other escorts. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm lucky and most guys would say I hit the jackpot and no one is getting any hurt feelings (the 3 of them know about each other and they prefer to keep an open-casual sex friendship with me as their jobs would make a real relationship too complicated)

But I'm really feeling like something went wrong somewhere. I'm generally a very nice guy and people tend to like me well enough as I'm very easy-going but I feel like this situation is a little weird...anyone have thoughts or advice for me? :/...
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I hang out with at least one of them once a week. Mostly just to kill a few hours at my place watching a movie or just listening to music and talking about their/my day/week and generally just having a relaxed time. Sex isn't always a part of the visit, actually I would say it happens once out of every 3-5 visits. Mostly we just enjoy our time together.

The thing isn't that I'm unhappy about it, more that I'm confused as to if what I am doing is right. I feel like I'm taking advantage of them somehow and I do consider them friends but am a little new to the whole friends with benefits thing, especially considering how we met.

And there is no longer any money involved (not counting ordering out or going to the movies and since I was raised to be a little old fashioned I always insist on paying for these things)
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Interesting post but Problem statement is missing. Can you please me more specific?
The "problem" is that he is confused with this situation ie as to whether it is "right".

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This is your conscience speaking:

If it doesn't feel right, it isn't. Is this the kind of person you really want to be?
I agree with Olygirl as to the answer.
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Old 24.07.2012, 14:16
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

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This is your conscience speaking:

If it doesn't feel right, it isn't. Is this the kind of person you really want to be?

Conscience?? I think he kissed his conscience good bye the moment he decided to clear his mind by paying for some hookers

Seems to me the dude has some underlying problems not even free hookers can't solve...


Last edited by The_Love_Doctor; 24.07.2012 at 14:36. Reason: can't not can
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Old 24.07.2012, 14:24
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

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I hang out with at least one of them once a week. Mostly just to kill a few hours at my place watching a movie or just listening to music and talking about their/my day/week and generally just having a relaxed time. Sex isn't always a part of the visit, actually I would say it happens once out of every 3-5 visits. Mostly we just enjoy our time together.

The thing isn't that I'm unhappy about it, more that I'm confused as to if what I am doing is right. I feel like I'm taking advantage of them somehow and I do consider them friends but am a little new to the whole friends with benefits thing, especially considering how we met.

And there is no longer any money involved (not counting ordering out or going to the movies and since I was raised to be a little old fashioned I always insist on paying for these things)
The thing isn't that I'm unhappy about it, more that I'm confused as to if what I am doing is right.

Kriztaen, the thing is that your conscience is bothering you and it's a good thing. But are you going to listen to it or shut it down. That's your choice. I am afraid that this kind of friendship will not ever be genuine. We all need genuine friendship and you know this is not it. You seem to be a little lost and the 3 of them definitely are too so I would recommend you to get out of it . Later on when you meet the right one ( and yes it can happen relationships like this one you mentioned, are a good recipe to ruin the one you really desire. This is my advice to you Kriztaen and I hope you will make the right choice for your own sake.
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Old 24.07.2012, 14:30
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

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The "problem" is that he is confused with this situation ie as to whether it is "right".
Great job Isha.
You are hired!!
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Old 24.07.2012, 14:40
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

Yep, schools have broken up again

<sigh>
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Old 24.07.2012, 14:42
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

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Great job Isha.
You are hired!!
@OpenID: As what I don't even want to begin to know!
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Old 24.07.2012, 14:44
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

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Old 24.07.2012, 14:59
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Re: Confused and looking for advice/thoughts

First two posts on internet message board are about his relationships with hookers, clearly












this happened
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