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Old 14.10.2012, 21:01
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How would you feel?

A few days ago, I found out that a woman (Lucy) who lives one level below us is taking over the EG/garden apartment in our building. (Currently, she lives on the 1st floor and we live on the 2nd).

But months ago, I had told this same woman (Lucy) how much I was wanting that garden apartment because I want a garden for our new baby to play in and also because it's difficult for me to carry him up and down the five flights of stairs. She told me that I should talk to the guy that was living in the garden apartment, but I never did because I never see him and don't know him well enough to feel comfortable just knocking on his door and saying "Hi. If you ever want to move out, will you please let me know, because I really want your apartment." Lucy then told me that she would mention it to him the next time they have a conversation.

So now I just found out that this woman (Lucy) is moving into that garden apartment -- the same woman I had told months ago how much I was wanting it!

Now I'm trying to figure out if I have a "right" to be angry at her. I do feel angry with her (or maybe "hurt" is a better word), but of course I also don't want a bad relationship with my neighbor.

Or do I only have a "right" to be angry at myself for never having approached the guy with the garden apartment to let him know that I wanted it?

Ugh.

I'm just really trying to reason through my emotions about it. I don't want to misdirect any anger I have at myself toward her. But at the same time, I do feel like she kind of back-stabbed me.

What do you think?
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Old 14.10.2012, 21:17
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Re: How would you feel?

I think I would be cranky at myself for not talking to the guy directly, or the landlord... and that would be the next step, so when another 'garden' apartment comes up, you are first in line...

Her recommendation to talk to the guy directly may have been a 'hint' that she knew that it would be potentially possible...and the fact that you didn't follow up yourself an indication that you weren't really serious about the idea...

If you really want something, the general advice is to get out there and get it yourself ....too harsh ? Not sure...but I can tell you that apartments often go on word-of-mouth.
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Old 14.10.2012, 21:22
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Re: How would you feel?

I agree. Not to be sound nasty but you seemed not wanting the flat by not following through. Will be others hopefully. Or maybe this Lucy will want to move as well. Maybe your most noisy friends want to rent the flat above hers?
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Old 14.10.2012, 21:24
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Re: How would you feel?

Thanks, I appreciate your input.

The few times that I did talk to Lucy about wanting a garden apartment, she had mentioned to me that the guy and his wife in the EG apartment in our building had divorced and so maybe it would become available.

I am still a bit angry at her, but I don't want to express it unless I really feel I have a right to be angry at her. So I guess I hope I don't see her until my emotions calm down a bit more. I was just really trying to reason through my emotions about this, but I felt like they just kept circling...

I agree that it's my own fault for not having approached the guy myself. Lesson learned about more pro-active. I just never thought she would take that apartment, knowing how badly I was wanting it.

C'est la vie...
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Old 14.10.2012, 21:25
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Re: How would you feel?

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Maybe your most noisy friends want to rent the flat above hers?
Ha ha... Yeah, I wish the family with 3 kids that live above us would take it.
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Old 14.10.2012, 21:49
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Re: How would you feel?

Cant you move into Lucys old apt? One floor closer to the entrance, one floor further from the lot upstairs.

Mind you, the people who take yours on might just be on a hiding to nothing...
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Old 14.10.2012, 21:52
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Re: How would you feel?

Yeah, I thought about that, but if/when we move, it will only be to an EG apartment. So I'm still searching for one. I don't want to go through the hassle of moving all our stuff (even if just one floor down) only to finally find an EG apartment somewhere else soon thereafter.
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Old 14.10.2012, 22:09
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Re: How would you feel?

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I'm just really trying to reason through my emotions about it. I don't want to misdirect any anger I have at myself toward her. But at the same time, I do feel like she kind of back-stabbed me.

What do you think?
I think today most everyone is looking out for #1.

Five flights of stairs would certainly motivate me to actively look for somewhere else to live.
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Old 14.10.2012, 22:13
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Re: How would you feel?

I think you're right. She probably did not know the apartment was coming open and found that out through you. It seems she jumped on making the move before you did or she, let's say, didn't help you know the procedure, that you might take the apartment.

I guess you can be mad, but, me, I'd be looking elsewhere to live. Get what you want, where you want it cause it doesn't sound like you are all too happy with your apartment now, i.e. the neighbors, the floor, etc.

Happy apartment hunting!
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Old 14.10.2012, 22:23
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Re: How would you feel?

Perhaps at some point subsequent to speaking to you, Lucy spoke with the gentleman who was planning to move out and she found that no one had yet expressed interest in the apartment. She might have then assumed no one else wanted the apartment (including you, unfortunately) and asked for it herself. If several months have passed since you spoke with her, it seems plausible that it could have possibly slipped her mind that she had a conversation with you during which you told her you were interested.

I would avoid bringing it up, though. Best to chalk this one up to experience and know next time of the need to place yourself first in line (even if it is a bit uncomfortable) and not to depend upon anyone else to put in a word for you.

So sorry that this one did not work out; but based upon what I think your child's age is (from seeing your posts on the forum ), don't you have just a bit more time to try to get into a garden apartment before he is truly full-on mobile and ready to outrun you and his daddy?
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Old 15.10.2012, 09:34
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Re: How would you feel?

Well I think she was very mean!
She knew that you wanted the apartment, she could at least have told you the guy was leaving and that she was also interested, then you could both have had a fair chance.
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Old 15.10.2012, 09:39
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Well I think she was very mean!
She knew that you wanted the apartment, she could at least have told you the guy was leaving and that she was also interested, then you could both have had a fair chance.
She did tell her that it might become available. As she obviously also wanted the apartment, this was already more than fair.
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Old 15.10.2012, 09:52
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Re: How would you feel?

Is it maybe possible you can build a friendship with her or at least ask her if you may use the garden for your kids? We also live on the top floor, but we are allowed to use the garden as we wish
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Old 15.10.2012, 10:22
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Re: How would you feel?

Every time I wanted to have an apartment and didn't have it, no matter the reason, I always found one much better after. Every single time.

So I started to believe what friends and family told me, these apartments wasn't for me, nothing happens for no reason, bla bla bla.

There are right.

Keep looking Honey, I really believe you'll find the perfect one.
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Old 15.10.2012, 12:13
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Re: How would you feel?

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Well I think she was very mean!
She knew that you wanted the apartment, she could at least have told you the guy was leaving and that she was also interested, then you could both have had a fair chance.
Not really... Say i want something that a person i know also wants and i have a small advantage for some reason. Do i also give them that advantage? No.
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Old 15.10.2012, 12:16
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Re: How would you feel?

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Every time I wanted to have an apartment and didn't have it, no matter the reason, I always found one much better after. Every single time.

So I started to believe what friends and family told me, these apartments wasn't for me, nothing happens for no reason, bla bla bla.

There are right.

Keep looking Honey, I really believe you'll find the perfect one.
Absolutely, I couldn't agree more.
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Old 15.10.2012, 12:19
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Re: How would you feel?

Wire up your neighbor's lawn mower with some Semtex.
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Old 15.10.2012, 12:25
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Re: How would you feel?

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Every time I wanted to have an apartment and didn't have it, no matter the reason, I always found one much better after. Every single time.

So I started to believe what friends and family told me, these apartments wasn't for me, nothing happens for no reason, bla bla bla.

There are right.

Keep looking Honey, I really believe you'll find the perfect one.
Girls and me, same story!

On topic speaking, I think Lucy gave you a tip and you didn't use it, so perhaps she thought you had changed your mind so she saw this as an opportunity - "well, she doesn't do anything about it, I might try than".
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Old 15.10.2012, 12:26
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Re: How would you feel?

Unfortunately, if you want something you have to definitely be proactive about it. Maybe you gave her the idea to move! I would probably want to say something to her, but more along the lines of "I can't believe I didn't know the apt was free, remember when I told you I wanted the EG" but I am no good at confrontations...which you probably don't want anyways.

Getting the OK to use the garden is all well and good, one of the issues is having to carry the child up and down stairs, I would have issues just with 1 flight! And then there are all those groceries, etc., to deal with as well!
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