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Old 23.04.2008, 14:41
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As a parent...

I would like to have your experience....

I'm curious to know how is it for you as a parent, to raise a boy or a girl. You might have one or the other or even both! How is it?

According to the gender, is one is easier then the other one? For certain period? For the relation with the parent?

The mommy's boy, or the daddy's girl!

Some people told me it's easier to raise a boy, some others think the girl is easier...

I just want to know your experience, it is not a statement on which one is better then the other (in case some want to come up with that one).

I hope to learn from your experience,

Nil
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Old 23.04.2008, 14:51
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Re: As a parent...

This should get interesting...... so to start it off.
A son in a son until he takes a wife but a daughter is a daughter for the whole of her life.
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Old 23.04.2008, 14:57
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Re: As a parent...

I have 1 of each, and i had always heard boys where mummy`s boy`s, and girl`s daddy`s girl`s for some reason my little girl is all mummy mummy, and my son is all daddy daddy. I think each child varies from the age, you experience different things with each age. My daughter, and went from being angels, to temper tantrums, to arguementative, to back to being angels. They can play hours together really nice, and then switch to fighting in a split second.
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Old 23.04.2008, 14:58
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Re: As a parent...

I wouldn't say either gender is easier than the other...as kids all have their differences.

I have two girls and they are wonderful! My first born goes through phases...she's a daddy's girl for awhile and then a mommy's girl and so on. My second born is definitely a mommy's girl and it's probably because she wasn't in daycare (like my first one who then saw mommy & daddy almost equally) and I've been home with her her whole life since daddy works and I stay at home now.

I truly believe that kids are a blessing! They really make you stop being an adult at times and to relax a bit and have fun! They like to be silly and sing songs with you and play different games with you.

One thing I have learned is that imagination is amazing! It's not really something you can teach, but it's something that they learn on their own and it is really surprising!

I hope this gives you some insight!
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Old 23.04.2008, 15:51
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Re: As a parent...

I have three girls and they all were 'angels' and sort of 'easy kids' to raise ( apart from the special needs) but now as they hit puberty........................oh my, oh my it's a completely different story.

Comparing my personal experiences to my mates' and other family members, I think i can say the old wifes tale is true for me, that a boy is hard work to raise when he is young as they are, thanks to their exploring minds, often into mischief,when it comes to puberty boys are much easier to guide through this than girls who are the opposite.

So goes the tale and funnily enough in my personal environement it fits 100%!

My girls have turned from lovely young persons into screaming harpyies, fightings,hissy fits you name it they do it,emotional rollercoaster ride often 24/7.

Luckily, I know that this phase will ease off one day...... adn the benefit of my handicap is that it can take out my hearing aids and have blissful silence around me
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Old 23.04.2008, 16:04
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Re: As a parent...

The biggest problem about raising a child is not what gender they are but the fact that they do not come with a user manual ..... You have fun finding out what makes them tick , though .

Congratulations , by the way !
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Old 23.04.2008, 16:32
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Re: As a parent...

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The biggest problem about raising a child is not what gender they are but the fact that they do not come with a user manual ..... You have fun finding out what makes them tick , though .

Congratulations , by the way !
you are too right with this statement, one can do a training course / apprenticeship for anything nowadays,but raising children is still very much a job you learn .well on the job,by learning by doing/experimenting, with some gut feeling thrown in and maybe advice from friends and family,but what and how you do it in the end, is up to you alone.
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Old 23.04.2008, 16:36
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Re: As a parent...

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The biggest problem about raising a child is not what gender they are but the fact that they do not come with a user manual ..... You have fun finding out what makes them tick , though .

Congratulations , by the way !
Too true, i remember panicking when i brought my new born home, i kept making my husband ring the hospital to ask for advice i drove my husband mad. I was not as bad with my second child. I do still ring my mum for advice from time to time
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Old 23.04.2008, 16:43
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Re: As a parent...

We've got 3, girl, boy, girl.

While there certainly is gender traits, I don't think it's as set-in-stone as some people make out.

For example, the boy is hands-on violent, and tries to solve his problems with shouting and force. Maybe this is because it works on his older sister, who doesn't use force so much (or at least didn't used to). But the little one uses both tactics of her siblings - quite happy to equally shout, batter or sulk at a whim.

I try to treat them all the same, no girl-stuff & boy-stuff, except by their own preference. Girl #1 loves to paint & draw, just about lives for it. The boy likes computers && games. None of them like building with lego (etc.) so much, and have never really played with toys. All 3 kids love playing with dirt and mud, bashing stuff with sticks.

I think alot of their behaivoural differences are significantly linked to their birth position - Oldest strives to please, middle struggles for attention, youngest gets most attention from parents, but struggles with older siblings. Obviously you try to equalise the attention given to each child, but it's not so simple.

A childs #1 priority in life is to manipulate it's parents. The baby's cry is the absolute most attention-getting, annoying, non-ignorable sound a human can make. All the babies that didn't get the attention of their parents were left behind in the cave, or died of starvation thousands of generations ago. So even if you give the kid exactly what it needs, it's still going to wind you up somewhat, just because it's a survival trait.

I think Marcashvin (previous comment) sums it up most concisely, and none of those "baby books" are much help (ok, maybe a little). Every single kid is different. What works for the first baby doesn't even work for the 2nd.

(starting to get off-topic ...)

The only thing I've found that works with the kids, is to set completely deterministic rules. For the last few months (since moving to CH actually), it's been a nagging, fighting struggle to get the 2 bigger ones ready for school by 07:45. They don't eat breakfast, go on stupid, wont get dressed. You end up shouting at them nearly every day. It's quite stressful.

This morning I said to them (had an epiphany at 04:30 earlier in the day): "We are not going to nag you this morning to get ready for school. You must get yourself ready to walk out the door by 07:45. If you are not ready by this time, all <enjoyable activities> (tv, computer games, colouring in, ...) after school are banned. If you get ready before this time, you can do whatever you want."

And that was it, we basically ignored them, except for "I can't find socks" requests. It was the most harmonious morning we've had on a school day for ages. Lo and behold, they were indeed ready at the appointed time. So worked ok on day 1, we'll see how it goes tomorrow.

I think it works better, because the clock is the bad-guy and not you. It's not me making you get ready, or goto bed, it's the clock. Clock says it's 8pm, so you have to goto bed, clock says it's 07:45, time to goto school.

Anyway, I'm digressing ...

cheers,
(Mr)Wibble.

EDIT: They were ready on time this morning too! Woohoo!

Last edited by Wibble; 24.04.2008 at 15:00.
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Old 23.04.2008, 17:17
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Re: As a parent...

Nil, you're going to make this thread the longest ever in this forum ! I'm sure a lot of parents are happy to share their experiences.

I'm a first-time mom with a baby girl of 7 months so experience wide will be far behind most moms except that it's 'fresh'

My key learning is that "there's no one successful formula" to raise a kid cause every baby is different. In the past 7 months, I keep talking to a lot of moms when having problems but not all solutions apply to mine...

a 10 cents help here... I find the following website pretty good as I've been browsing it since I was pregnant --it's simple and concise on monthly development including some forums among moms.

http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/
http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/Babies/

good luck.
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Old 23.04.2008, 17:45
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Re: As a parent...

Thank you so much all for sharing with me... It is just so nice to hear what we are dealing with and how!

I will try to remember the clock bad boy for later!

I was doing some research on internet, and honestly, it was difficult to find answer to my questions, and I finally decided to ask here and you all come up with very nice answers.

Thank you very very much.

What I found on internet made me think a lot. I don't know if I will have a boy or a girl yet. Since I'm young, I always saw myself with a daughter, you know, you go on with your dreams and expectations, etc.

When you have a kid, I know the most of your expectations desapear since it doesn't go the way you always want.

And I think it is a good thing, otherwise what is the fun in life if everything goes always the way you wanted it!

So to come back on what I found on internet, many people was talking about those expectations about the baby and many was saying the shock and for some, the disapointment to not have the boy or the girl they always wanted.

After the shock passed, they all come up very happy and feel blessed. I was wondering if it happened to you too! Waiting for the big day to finally find out if it will be a boy or a girl, and even when you are so happy to know the baby is healthy, you can't stop yourself thinking you will prefer a girl instead or a boy or the other way.
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Old 23.04.2008, 18:00
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Re: As a parent...

I have 3 children , 2 girls and one boy. The interesting thing is how different they are. The two girls have a 9 year age gap and then 3 years later my son arrived.
I know a lot of little boys cannot keep stlll but he has always been very quiet and I can honestly say that I have never had words with him and he is now 19!!
The girls were fine and I thought I had escaped the teenage tantrums but in my daughters they arrived at 17 not 14 or 15 years!!
In my opinion my son was easier to raise but I think he is just an easy going person. My daughters are very different in that one is very confident whilst the other one is very shy. It is hard at the time and when you look back you must enjoy these precious times - sadly although you do not realise it at the time - it goes past very quickly
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Old 23.04.2008, 18:12
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Re: As a parent...

well I am no parent, yet but I come from a family of 3 girls, and my two sisters have since in total added 3 more girls to the bunch, and from what my mothers tell me, it was very different from each of us, the oldest she will tell you was the hardest but also her parenting style changed when I came and I think this had a huge influence on things, my 3 nieces are also as different as night and day, the oldest one is really diffcult and extrodarinaly outgoing and most people can only handle her for a few hours, the next one never stops talking but is easy to watch cause she always wants to be where you are to talk to you, and the baby is somewhere in the middle so far.
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Old 23.04.2008, 20:21
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Re: As a parent...

Kids are full of surprises and don't come in packages marked "beginners only", or "intermediate level" or "beware - for advanced users only". If they did it would spoil the fun. We have both types. Believe me, ease of handling has nothing to do with gender but I can guarantee you will have highs and lows with both species as they go through the various stages of growing up. Hopefully you will never lose your enthusiasm for them......they are a gift!
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Old 23.04.2008, 20:48
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Re: As a parent...

We have 2 boys and a baby girl. The one difference in our experience so far between genders is that the boys were definitely more technology and toy oriented as babies/toddlers, whereas Baby Girl loves people and faces.
After 9 1/2 years of limited colours in boys clothes, playing with boys' toys, reading boys' books etc etc etc, a whole new world has opened up for me in having a little girl too. And I very much look forward to pinks/lilacs/dolls/fairy stories/princesses etc. - or perhaps she'll be a tom-boy - who knows?
Whatever, I think you grow into what you are "given" and you'll find it's right for you whatever the gender and whatever the character.

I'd like to add that I never missed having a girl. We've always had great fun with the boys and would have been very happy with another boy if that's what was meant to be.

Last edited by Crumbs; 23.04.2008 at 20:51. Reason: added last remarks
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Old 23.04.2008, 21:38
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Re: As a parent...

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So to come back on what I found on internet, many people was talking about those expectations about the baby and many was saying the shock and for some, the disapointment to not have the boy or the girl they always wanted.

After the shock passed, they all come up very happy and feel blessed. I was wondering if it happened to you too! Waiting for the big day to finally find out if it will be a boy or a girl, and even when you are so happy to know the baby is healthy, you can't stop yourself thinking you will prefer a girl instead or a boy or the other way.
Let's put it this way .... Everything I ever planned or thought or read ceased to exist when I saw my son for the first time .... It immediately did not matter whether it was a boy or girl or if I was carrying him the right way etc. To give you a picture , I had ideas of passing around cigars , taking lots of pictures , calling home to tell everyone but when it happened , all of those things did not matter anymore ..... My priorities immediately changed in life and I have never looked back .

It is the best experience in the life of parents ( no matter how many times you become parents ) and no matter how much you prepare for it , you will always learn something . Enjoy your pregnancy and the birth of your child .
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Old 24.04.2008, 11:04
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Re: As a parent...

We have only one child, a girl. Having seen other friends with boys of around the same age as her, I would say that boys are easier to raise and more affectionate - certainly toward their mothers. Our daughter is very hard work, she questions, criticises and argues; however, I wouldn't change her for anything. A boy arriving would have been awful(not the end of the world but you can't send them back) so I was delighted to get a girl. It is different for everybody so just settle back and look forward to the challenges that lay ahead - and they are challenging!
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Old 24.04.2008, 13:50
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Re: As a parent...

I can not resist the temptation to bore everyone to death with my experience, so here it is:

I have a girl and a boy (3 years and 18 months respectively) and there is a difference. I do not know whether it is because he is a boy or simply because he is a different person and a second-born, but my son is more confident, more adventurous, more goal-oriented and generally more interested in plugs, electric sockets, trains, cars and climbing on furniture than in books or plush animals. And perhaps it is because we practiced our parenting skills with her, but my daughter is quite capricious, self-conscious, sensitive, empathetic and generally prone to terrible temper tantrums for no apparent reason.

You will notice that the way I describe them roughly corresponds to the sterotypical male/female personality traits.

We try not to give too much thought to gender differences in raising them, so he wears a lot of pink (which generally suits him, except for frilled dresses) and when they play together they play both with dolls and Thomas&Friends.

But being a parent of two children is such a challenge that I sometimes think it is better to fulfil your procreation urge by having one child only, and then it does not really matter whether it is a boy or a girl. Not that I regret having both of them, but they actually transform into human beings when they are not together.

It was interesting to read other parents' experiences here. Especially the parents of teenagers. I find my children so difficult already now that I really dread to even think what they are going to transform themselves into 10 years from now. Except if there is some justice and well-behaved children become difficult teenagers and vice-versa. Ah, wishful thinking...
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Old 24.04.2008, 14:00
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Re: As a parent...

[quote=ljm;213917]my son is more confident, more adventurous, more goal-oriented and generally more interested in plugs, electric sockets, quote]
I'm but a lowly nanny, no kids of my own. I have noticed however that, in my opinion, boys "want" to press a button if they see one whereas girls seem more reluctant and tend to leave buttons/nobs alone. I find this the biggest diference between young boys and girls.
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Old 24.04.2008, 14:58
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Re: As a parent...

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I have noticed however that, in my opinion, boys "want" to press a button if they see one whereas girls seem more reluctant and tend to leave buttons/nobs alone. I find this the biggest diference between young boys and girls.
This wasn't (isn't) really the case with our kids. But then again, after the #1 kid pushed the OFF button on the UPS, and the entire office powered down, basically any important buttons were covered up.

#1 kid (girl) always "posted" stuff around the house, into floppy drives, into the video, into a slot-loading DVD-burner, gaps above drawers. You name it, if it had a slot, it got stuff posted in it. #2 (boy) didn't seem to do this as much, and #3 never got a chance.

Wait until they all reach that "I can operate the light switch" height, and then see who pushes the buttons.

Oh, and when they first manipulate the furniture to reach the stuff you moved - SCARY! The high-tide mark is instantly raised, and anything you previously moved so it isn't destroyed has to be moved again. You hear the chair being dragged across the floor of the kitchen - you come running.

Oh the humanity!


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