English Forum Switzerland

English Forum Switzerland (https://www.englishforum.ch/forum.php)
-   General off-topic (https://www.englishforum.ch/general-off-topic/)
-   -   Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me) (https://www.englishforum.ch/general-off-topic/71157-why-so-hard-find-date-zurich-hope-my-friends-wont-kill-me.html)

Shinigami 07.01.2010 13:12

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
I've been thinking about something, namely the following which is always hammered home when discussions like this surface:

"whenever you stop looking is when you suddenly end up finding that other person"

So if desperation is so obvious, and trying too hard doesn't work, how come one suddenly pairs up with another person the moment they "stop" searching? What exactly is the logic in this?

I mean, if you stop looking, you're making no effort. If everyone stopped looking, there'd be no hooking up between people. So someone, at some point, MUST be making the first move.

If you say that you were looking for another person every day for the past 2 years, and then gave up, and within a month you ended up hooking up with another person, what exactly happened at that point? Was it the other person who made the mode? Wouldn't this contradict what was said about us hooking up when we "stop looking", since someone, somewhere is ALWAYS making the first move :msnsarcastic:

I know I've "stopped" looking back in the past. But it didn't stop me from asking someone out on a whim, and it worked. So now my brain is fried and I dunno what to think :msncrazy:

Cashboy 07.01.2010 13:13

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by HashBrown (Post 661310)
So nice of you to generalise from your freaky clients. You'd be surprised how things haven't actually changed that much: both men and women would like companionship with someone special who they also have sex with.

What's changed is that people couldn't be bothered to put in the required effort since there are no societal/financial constraints. Also, people bail at the slightest trouble. Some women have trouble dealing with the liberation of career vs having a family. Some men have trouble dealing with complicated women.

I don't think our desires have changed; our handling of the total freedom is what the issue is.

Off course I generalised and I think you are totally right except I would not say my clients were freaky but quite the norm.

simon_ch 07.01.2010 13:16

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Shinigami (Post 661319)
"whenever you stop looking is when you suddenly end up finding that other person"

Not only when you stop looking, but when you actually don't want a girlfriend you suddenly end up meeting a fantastic woman. Happened to me, was looking for well over half a year for some companionship, and then when I decided to slowly leave the country I met her... lasted over 4 years, the longest relationship I've ever had. Not very helpful when you're single and looking I guess. :confused:

Dervaish 07.01.2010 13:20

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Without going into any complicated arguments and statistics, I personally think the biggest problem is Men have stopped being Men, they are more like grown up kids still stuck in their teenages.

Going Ooohh and Aaaahh everytime they see a fancy model in a magazine, even if they might have a much better looking partner at home, without all that make-up and Paintshop tricks.

Relationships are like Latin dances where the Man leads and the Woman follows, for that, the Man has to know what he is doing.

Shinigami 07.01.2010 13:22

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by simon_ch (Post 661328)
Not only when you stop looking, but when you actually don't want a girlfriend you suddenly end up meeting a fantastic woman. Happened to me, was looking for well over half a year for some companionship, and then when I decided to slowly leave the country I met her... lasted over 4 years, the longest relationship I've ever had. Not very helpful when you're single and looking I guess. :confused:

Yeah, so this is what I don't get.

You stop looking and meet a fantastic person. But HOW did that happen, WHAT did you do or WHAT did she do to cause the two of you to get together? One of you must have made the first move, right?

So people, how exactly did you end up with someone if you were NOT looking, but then suddenly ended up in a relationship?

Like I said, I did the first move. One of them, I was introduced to the person, met them a few times, and asked them if they wanted to come with me to a company halloween party. It grew from there.
The second time, I was at a new years party with this person, and when they went back home, I left them a message asking if they'd like to go on a date. No, I wasn't looking, don't really think she was either, but I still did the first move on a whim. I was ready to take it like a man if she said no, but it still ended in a 7 year relationship.

So when people say that "it just happens" the moment you stop looking, I call BS :msntongue: Something somewhere kicked it into high gear, but most people may have forgotten (or don't want to admit) how it happened in the first place :msngrin:

Chuff 07.01.2010 13:25

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Shinigami (Post 661339)

You stop looking and meet a fantastic person. But HOW did that happen, WHAT did you do or WHAT did she do to cause the two of you to get together? One of you must have made the first move, right?

So people, how exactly did you end up with someone if you were NOT looking, but then suddenly ended up in a relationship?

Men generally give off a much different vibe when they are in a relationship than when they are single. When you're not looking you are more at ease and more casual and act more naturally than when you're doing your best to po out and pull... hence why you attract more women. That's my theory anyway. :)

HashBrown 07.01.2010 13:26

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
I feel like we're discussing common knowledge now ... or are people in their early teens? :p

Shinigami 07.01.2010 13:31

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuff (Post 661343)
When you're not looking you are more at ease and more casual and act more naturally than when you're doing your best to po out and pull... hence why you attract more women. That's my theory anyway. :)

Sure. But if you are so attractive, something's taking place. So I assume it's the ladies who are making the move then and pull the guy towards themselves, right ;) ?

Or if you're so attractive all of a sudden, are you making the first move? It's all so vague to me really, but it's all good, I don't care either way. Life goes on.

HashBrown: nothing bad in feeling young :D

Chuff 07.01.2010 13:32

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by HashBrown (Post 661347)
I feel like we're discussing common knowledge now ... or are people in their early teens? :p


I think 75% of the stuff that comes up in these threads most people learn by the age of 18, but never mind, you just have to explain with patience. :p

lux_interior 07.01.2010 13:32

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Shinigami (Post 661319)
I've been thinking about something, namely the following which is always hammered home when discussions like this surface:

"whenever you stop looking is when you suddenly end up finding that other person"

yep, I met my wife when I wasn't looking.
I was a week away from leaving for a year-long backpacking trip. I'd seen this beautiful Swedish chick around but hadn't plucked up the courage to talk to her. Suddenly, I had the opportunity and actually didn't care anymore as I was packing to leave, so just spoke to her anyway. We ended up staying in contact and have now been married 10 years.

I think the reason is that as soon as you stop looking you can relax, there's no pressure any more and that makes you more attractive.

bluesky_2009 07.01.2010 13:37

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Cashboy (Post 661321)
Off course I generalised and I think you are totally right except I would not say my clients were freaky but quite the norm.

I thought you were in finance... your clients? :confused:

Besides this, actually, quite sad, but i think what you said are pretty much true. In these days, (especially in the West) society has changed. So whats your conclusion, or your concluded already and answer to this thread? ( men have more and younger choices... so that three women cant get date ?:D)

Shinigami 07.01.2010 13:40

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by lux_interior (Post 661360)
yep, I met my wife when I wasn't looking.

Yup, it's similar to me on business trips. Not looking, don't care much as I'll be leaving in a week anyway, and somehow find it all too easy to speak to someone else on a casual level which begins to develop, and develop, and develop.

Still goes to show, in a way you DID make the first move ;)

Dervaish 07.01.2010 13:40

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
I think its a matter of Perception, its like saying when you are looking for something why do you always find it in the last place you look?!

Anyone whos looking for a date, would go out to seek someone like crazy and then get tired in a couple of weeks and then say "Thats it, Im not looking and I dont care!"

But subconsciously they still are and when they do find someone eventually, they would think its because they stopped looking.

From personal experiences, I have had great luck when I was raging with hormones and desperate... and I let them do the talking rather than my brain. Desperate moments make great heroes, if you can use it wisely ;)

Equally I have had good luck when I was not looking and was just "messin about and taking the p*ss." (Though my "messin about times" have got me into more trouble, in comparasion)

Cashboy 07.01.2010 13:48

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bluesky_2009 (Post 661372)
So whats your conclusion, or your concluded already and answer to this thread? ( men have more and younger choices... so that three women cant get date ?:D)

It will offend but my conclusion is that:

They probably are not that physically attractive; I find most females do not know what males find attractive and may well find their frineds attractive when males wouldn't. There is the physical look, but there is the way a female carries herself (oozes sexyness).

There expectaions are too high: They think they are "professional" and probably would not even attempt to socialise with people whom they believe is not at their educational level.

Age: They are probably expecting to find males the same age. Most well to do/successful men end up with someone younger because (I hate to say this) they will come accross as powerful, can probably manipulate the situation and they can afford to.

couta 07.01.2010 14:01

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
:cheers2:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dervaish (Post 661335)
Without going into any complicated arguments and statistics, I personally think the biggest problem is Men have stopped being Men, they are more like grown up kids still stuck in their teenages.


thats why we all have IPhones now :D

Raaaabert 07.01.2010 14:06

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Cashboy (Post 661391)
It will offend but my conclusion is that:

They probably are not that physically attractive; I find most females do not know what males find attractive. There is the physical look, but there is the way a female carries herself (oozes sexyness).

There expectaions are too high: They think they are "professional" and probably would not even attempt to socialise with people whom they believe is not at their educational level.

Age: They are probably expecting to find males the same age. Most well to do/successful men end up with someone younger because (I hate to say this) they will come accross as powerful, can probably manipulate the situation and they can afford to.

Agreed. Again I refer to Sex in the City. The only lady I found attractive in that show was the brunette (whats her name). The rest were rank. Rank ugly. Now here they are bedding young men left right and centre, and women watching this tripe are starting to believe that rubbish.

bluesky_2009 07.01.2010 14:19

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Cashboy (Post 661391)
It will offend but my conclusion is that:

They probably are not that physically attractive; I find most females do not know what males find attractive and may well find their frineds attractive when males wouldn't. There is the physical look, but there is the way a female carries herself (oozes sexyness).

There expectaions are too high: They think they are "professional" and probably would not even attempt to socialise with people whom they believe is not at their educational level.

Age: They are probably expecting to find males the same age. Most well to do/successful men end up with someone younger because (I hate to say this) they will come accross as powerful, can probably manipulate the situation and they can afford to.


Thanks. I also have a girl- friend, single , below 40. i think your three points are (almost)correct, except that i find her quite attractive. But again, its ME who find her attractive, guys may think differently. ( I tried to put her together with some male friends, no success :P)

I still keep telling her that she will l find the right person... am i just saying nonsense and misleading her ? :p

couta 07.01.2010 14:23

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bluesky_2009 (Post 661455)
Thanks. I also have a girl- friend, single , below 40. i think your three points are (almost)correct, except that i find her quite attractive. But again, its ME who find her attractive, guys may think differently. ( I tried to put her together with some male friends, no success :P)

I still keep telling her that she will l find the right person... am i just saying nonsense and misleading her ? :p


as Larry David would say " the whole world has got to get together", so by his wisdom, you are not talking nonsense !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

simon_ch 07.01.2010 14:23

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Well I found that with women there's very often a huge gap between self perception and how others see them. I mean, it's certainly good have a solid self-confidence, but to overvalue your own looks and intelligence so systematically can't be good in the long run.
Most look average and are of average character, intelligence so they deserve an average man. Overestimating themselves certainly works for women in their 20s because men are so hormone-driven they dont really care, but later on ?

bluesky_2009 07.01.2010 14:28

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dervaish (Post 661335)
Without going into any complicated arguments and statistics, I personally think the biggest problem is Men have stopped being Men, they are more like grown up kids still stuck in their teenages.

Going Ooohh and Aaaahh everytime they see a fancy model in a magazine, even if they might have a much better looking partner at home, without all that make-up and Paintshop tricks.

Relationships are like Latin dances where the Man leads and the Woman follows, for that, the Man has to know what he is doing.


Agree! :) only one little correction :p Guys do know what they want: a "professional" woman preffered being pretty and sex also, who is willing to give up her profession when the GUY and family requires it; woman who can cook; who can do household; ... and who can go back to "pro" again if the GUY find it is necessary!

Let me know if i m wrong ;)


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 16:13.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0