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  #561  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:15
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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Well if a man if afraid of a woman's success then what does that say about him?
That he's human like the rest of us?
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  #562  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:18
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

So success of a woman is more scary than her intelligence....
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  #563  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:22
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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So success of a woman is more scary than her intelligence....
It can be.

Bear in mind that even the most liberal, progressive man has probably been brought up in an environment where men were expected to earn more than their wives, to provide for their families, to be the bedrock of their households.

It takes a lot of moral strength to decide that such things aren't really important - even more so when the wife or partner herself puts pressure upon him to maintain his traditional role, even as she drives off to work in her Maserati every morning.

In the rush to embrace a future of equality of opportunity for all, let's not forget that it can be quite a painful experience for some many men.
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  #564  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:23
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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Ok, I want to ask something....how many of the posters here are single??
Dude, why are you asking? Single or not, we've all dated/are dating so there's lots of valuable advice to be given/gained from both sides of the spectrum.
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  #565  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:28
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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where is that Harry Henfield 'thinking woman at a diner party' vid?
Try "Harry Enfield" and you may find the answer!

Tom
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  #566  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:31
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

So a guy may find it easier to go out with a more traditional ideal of a woman (lets say not as ''successful'' as him).

What about woman? As a woman, would you go out and live your life with someone less educated, less successful, low income? Is the traditional picture we grow up with will also matter for women?
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  #567  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:31
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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It can be.

Bear in mind that even the most liberal, progressive man has probably been brought up in an environment where men were expected to earn more than their wives
I would LOVE to meet a women who earns more then I!

Unfortunately, they are like hen's teeth.

Tom
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  #568  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:31
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

Intelligence has nothing to do with Maseratis - as said before, a big difference between 'driven' by money and possessions, status or Kudos - and intelligence.
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  #569  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:32
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

it's one of my favorites as well....


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Yes, love it. But the dinner party one really does 'speak' to me, as I've been there, done that! I remember thinking, is this really England in the 70s? How can it be?
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  #570  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:34
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

Now of course I am quite proud of my clever husband - but 'back in the day' I couldn't have cared less about intelligence per se; my vision of marital bliss never really included sitting around administering IQ tests to each other of a long winter's evening.

I'd be more concerned with a man's ability to make interesting conversation (only very moderately correlated with intelligence in my experience - extensive reading and intensive cross-cultural experience are much better indicators) and a sort of general up-for-it-ness, for want of a better word. I don't mean compulsive risk-taking or novelty-seeking, but simply an easy capacity for enthusiasm, a propensity to say "why not?" when a new experience beckons.

The world is full of fascinations, the mundane as well as the spectacular, and I don't need someone who's seen them all; I need someone who will see them, who isn't embarrassed if we stop and stare and point them out to each other.

I suppose that ties back to what Sky was saying a little bit ago - the confidence, the often esoteric interests but without any need to impress by knowing it all...
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  #571  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:35
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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Most intelligent women would not be attracted to a man who is afraid of her intelligence, surely? Many highly intelligent women do NOT live on pedestals and can have a laugh and a giggle and very down to earth joys. Yes, they maybe more picky, as living with a man who is not 'on par' can be very dull after the initial excitement.
But, to repeat it, quite many men ARE afraid of excessively intelligent women, most of all if they are in not-approachable positions. This may sound old-fashioned but is reality
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  #572  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:36
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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So a guy may find it easier to go out with a more traditional ideal of a woman (lets say not as ''successful'' as him).

What about woman? As a woman, would you go out and live your life with someone less educated, less successful, low income? Is the traditional picture we grow up with will also matter for women?
My girlfriend is technically less "educated".

However, as her father was one of the major Swiss artists of the late 1900s, she knows more about art than I can ever hope to.

So, where does that leave us?

Tom
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  #573  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:38
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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My girlfriend is technically less "educated".

However, as her father was one of the major Swiss artists of the late 1900s, she knows more about art than I can ever hope to.

So, where does that leave us?

Tom
That she knows more than you about art?
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  #574  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:38
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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Honestly.... Are guys really thinking: I am not going out with her, she is too intelligent for me?
YES ! But will tell themselves she is too brainy and too dominant
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  #575  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:47
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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Dude, why are you asking? Single or not, we've all dated/are dating so there's lots of valuable advice to be given/gained from both sides of the spectrum.
Very true.

Here's my story: I moved to Switzerland nearly six years ago, having given up a wonderful job, sold my house, put my furniture in a shipping container and bought my flight tickets to come and join my lovely Swiss fiancee to begin a life of Alpine delight with a bright future of babies and cheese and jass ahead of me. Unfortunately, while I was busy giving up my job, selling my house, putting my furniture in a shipping container and buying flight tickets, she was busy making sweet love with some other chap. She dumped me seven days before I was due to arrive, but I came anyway, not having anything left in England to stay for.

The first couple of years were not entirely pleasant. I was persuaded to stay beyond my trial period at work by the promise of promotion, a poisoned chalice which led, two years later, to burnout and a determination not to be such a sad git any more. I was living in Switzerland, and was going to have to learn to like it.

I pinned a manifesto to my kitchen cupboard, where I listed the things I wanted to achieve in the coming months: learn German... get a new job... get a social life outside work... there were several items on the list, but none of them said "get a girlfriend". That was quite deliberate, even though, obviously, I rather wanted one.

My quest for a social life led me to Swissfriends which, despite being a dating website (its name is very misleading), rewarded me with some very good platonic friends and, later, friends of friends. Then I joined an online forum for English-speaking expats, and things really took off... I went to events, met some really sound people, arranged a trip to the Luzern fasnacht, was disappointed to see only one person turn up, was delighted over the subsequent months to discover that that one person was destined to be my wife, and the rest is history.

I wish to stress again: I wasn't actively looking for a girlfriend, although I may possibly have leapt at a couple of opportunities that might have passed my way . I was desperately lonely, starved of love and I pined for someone to hold and spend my evenings with. But my biggest priority was, to put it bluntly, to get a life.

Once you get one of those, everything else is sure to fall into place sooner or later, even if you do take a couple of tumbles on the way.

I'm not so naive, of course, to think that this is it, that all the misery is over and that the rest of our lives are to consist of skipping through the fields of Glarus, chasing butterflies and drinking lemonade. But what we have now is more than I could ever have hoped for when I pinned that manifesto to my kitchen cupboard all those years ago.

If it all ends tomorrow, then I shall be grateful, at least, for that.
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  #576  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:48
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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I'd be more concerned with a man's ability to make interesting conversation
Alas, most women I know know crap about motorcyles or other interesting stuff, (let alone cooking! )

Actually, I am fortunate that my girlfriend's cooking style complements, (rather than competes) with my own.

Anyway, bikes, food, wine, what more is there to life?

Tom
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  #577  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:51
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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Very true.

Here's my story: I moved to Switzerland nearly six years ago, having given up a wonderful job, sold my house, put my furniture in a shipping container and bought my flight tickets to come and join my lovely Swiss fiancee to begin a life of Alpine delight with a bright future of babies and cheese and jass ahead of me. Unfortunately, while I was busy giving up my job, selling my house, putting my furniture in a shipping container and buying flight tickets, she was busy making sweet love with some other chap. She dumped me seven days before I was due to arrive, so I came anyway, not having anything left in England to stay for.

The first couple of years were not entirely pleasant. I was persuaded to stay beyond my trial period at work by the promise of promotion, a poisoned chalice which led, two years later, to burnout and a determination not to be such a sad git any more. I was living in Switzerland, and was going to have to learn to like it.

I pinned a manifesto to my kitchen cupboard, where I listed the things I wanted to achieve in the coming months: learn German... get a new job... get a social life outside work... there were several items on the list, but none of them said "get a girlfriend". That was quite deliberate, even though, obviously, I rather wanted one.

My quest for a social life led me to Swissfriends which, despite being a dating website (its name is very misleading), rewarded me with some very good platonic friends and, later, friends of friends. Then I joined an online forum for English-speaking expats, and things really took off... I went to events, met some really sound people, arranged a trip to the Luzern fasnacht, was disappointed to see only one person turn up, was delighted over the subsequent months to discover that that one person was destined to be my wife, and the rest is history.

I wish to stress again: I wasn't actively looking for a girlfriend, although I may possibly have leapt at a couple of opportunities that might have passed my way . I was desperately lonely, starved of love and I pined for someone to hold and spend my evenings with. But my biggest priority was, to put it bluntly, to get a life.

Once you get one of those, everything else is sure to fall into place sooner or later, even if you do take a couple of tumbles on the way.

I'm not so naive, of course, to think that this is it, that all the misery is over and that the rest of our lives are to consist of skipping through the fields of Glarus, chasing butterflies and drinking lemonade. But what we have now is more than I could ever have hoped for when I pinned that manifesto to my kitchen cupboard all those years ago.

If it all ends tomorrow, then I shall be grateful, at least, for that.
Life is what it is.

Live it.

Tom
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  #578  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:57
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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Great story!
You know how funny it is? I got the almost same story. I left my country for a new job and my then fiance came to join me in Turkey. I worked my ass off for paying bills and feeding both of us until he found a job almost a year later. He didn't take long to jump a co-worker and I end up the relationship.

Decided to make the most of the place, began to go out, enjoy night life, good friends and met many other new ones. Got involve in an expat forum and met my then futur husband in one of their numerous parties... You know the rest, got 2 years of great fun, got married, felt pregnant, moved here and pregnant of the second one, we are going to move to the next place!

It was kismet (destiny in Turkish) And it does happen when you don't expect it.
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  #579  
Old 27.02.2011, 23:59
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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Anyway, bikes, food, wine, what more is there to life?

Tom
FOOTBALL! I just love it! To my husband's biggest pleasure!
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  #580  
Old 28.02.2011, 00:01
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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FOOTBALL! I just love it! To my husband's biggest pleasure!
Sorry, no soccer fans here.

Hockey is another matter!

Tom
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