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-   -   Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me) (https://www.englishforum.ch/general-off-topic/71157-why-so-hard-find-date-zurich-hope-my-friends-wont-kill-me.html)

Guest 03.01.2010 14:38

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by litespeed (Post 656465)
One thing we also have to accept: at late 30's/early 40's, there is no such thing as a perfect partner...every has baggage of some stage by this time.

That's why I'd recommend a 20-something... :D

sygirl101 03.01.2010 14:40

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Long post. Feel free to skip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For some reason whenever this topic of being dateless for a while comes up, I just have to give my opinion. Ok, I'm not 30 something, I'm single, but whatever, you can skip this if you don't care, it seems this problem is true in any age group whether it was my 16 year old friends, my 20 year old friends, and any of my other friends. I'll say the same advice now that I've told all of them.

I call this the Sex and the City syndrome: 30 something successful women desperate to find their perfect man. I watched the entire show during my teen years. And looking back now, I have no idea how anyone can find that realistic. It's an amusing sitcom, but like anything else on TV, it's completely contrived. It's just as bad as those teenie romance novels. Oh, I've read them. I find them just as much a fantasy universe as Star Trek (which I love).

Be comfortable with yourself, and relax about it. It's ok to be single. There's no shame in it. Are you happy with yourself? Do you do hobbies and hang out with people you like? Do you take time for just yourself? If you are happy with yourself, people tend to be happier being around you too.

With regards to the checklist: don't. People are unique and creative and deserve respect. I don't want to be a check list from a guy's point of view either. I treat my relationships the way I treat my friends. I laugh, I hang out, I'll do favors, I'll sometimes be annoyed, everything. Relationships are just friendship to me that may have a physical component.

Maybe I'm too much of pragmatist to be a romantic or whatever. I don't know, but there are around 1 billion people that could be mates (w/ respect to age and sexual preference), so I assume there are a fair amount of people that I will stumble across in my life that could play a role in my life, including relationships.

tl;dr: Be relaxed and try to live your life as a happy person, something will happen.:cool:

Guest 03.01.2010 14:41

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by muppet (Post 656467)
Now I just need to find a book that all men should read about how to treat woman as equals and not try and control them.

You wouldn't happen to have a book that advises people to treat each other as people, regardless of the presence or absence of dangly bits between their legs?

Sada 03.01.2010 14:42

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by paulita (Post 656319)

The three are in their late 30's early 40's, .......

That's exactly the problem.
Most women in their early 40s are the most bizarre, most complicated, most demanding, most anything hardly a man wants kinda creatures. I could never figure out why this is but gosh is this true.

So I'd say let these single women live their professional lives til they get to be at least over 45 and then they'll get back to be wanting to be again a bit relaxed, less self conscious, loosen up a bit, laugh freely, dress relaxed and stop putting tons of make up on their faces ... stop wanting to look like 22 year olds etc. etc. etc. and I bet men will find them way more attractive & fun again.

Guest 03.01.2010 14:46

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by muppet (Post 656475)
As long as the baggage isn't 20 extra killos on the belly and a comb over :p


This is precisely the kind of check list to which I refer in my previous post.

Thank you for the illustration, Muppet. :)

Guest 03.01.2010 14:48

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by muppet (Post 656479)
I wish, but it would end up published under fantasy

Perhaps you ought to think about the kind of company you keep, in that case? :)

gbn 03.01.2010 14:48

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by muppet (Post 656467)
...
Now I just need to find a book that all men should read about how to treat woman as equals and not try and control them.

Or one that explains to women that they should not try to change a man...?

cannut 03.01.2010 14:49

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by muppet (Post 656467)
Points to ponder
Men - Many (theoretically) suitable men in their early to late 40s seem to let themselves go, too much beer and pasta too little time in the gym, I’d rather be single than date a guy who can’t keep up with me on a snowboard (esp. since this would be a bad sign for other sports). And men if you’re loosing your hair just SHAVE it off, but the half hearted attempts at trying to save the few strands that are left is NOT attractive.
Women - Many (not all) successful independent woman in their late 30s early 40s may seem so on the outside but when they start dating men turn into clingy needy woman
So ladies read the book “why men love Bitches” even if you’re not as sad a most needy women in the book it’s a GOOD laugh and everyone women can learn something from it.
Now I just need to find a book that all men should read about how to treat woman as equals and not try and control them.

Read the two posters be for your posting

blackbird 03.01.2010 14:55

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
I think today the expectations from both sides( male or female) are too high.
Today you have do own a big car, a house and more important have a high
paid job in an office with working hours from 9 to 5 to have time enough
for your partner /friend.
When your reality doesn 't match these criteria s , sorry then reality is not the place for you.
When you are working 10-15 hours a day, don't have a car , paying monthly the rent for your small flat the possibility isn't very high to meet mr.or mrs. right except at your workplace( but who wants to see no different person the whole day ??)

Guest 03.01.2010 15:01

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by muppet (Post 656489)
The problem is I can’t find a man who wants to (and can because he’s fit enough) snowboard, mountain bike, hike and doesn’t want kids. I thought this was the 21st century but a lot of men still want a barefoot and pregnant woman in the kitchen, go figure

You are aware, I hope, of that fact that there are several hundred million men on this planet who fall between the two extremes that you propose?

The fact that a fellow does not wish to aggressively chase you up and down mountains on a bicycle does not mean that he would rather have you chained to a stove and tugging your forelock every time you see him.

There are quite a few normal people on this planet, too, you know. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by muppet (Post 656494)
Touché
But why must women change and lower their standards but men not, bit unfair don’t you think :eek:

Where did I suggest that?

It is not about 'lowering standards'. It is about treating other people as human beings, with their dodgy emotional states, their flabby bellies, their bad hair, their dodgy political notions, their incomprehensible religious beliefs, their irritating families, their snotty noses and their incessant complaints about work.

Are you perfect? Why, then, should you expect your man to be so?

Fraser 03.01.2010 15:02

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by blackbird (Post 656492)
I think today the expectations from both sides( male or female) are too high.
Today you have do own a big car, a house and more important have a high
paid job in an office with working hours from 9 to 5 to have time enough
for your partner /friend.
When your reality doesn 't match these criteria s , sorry then reality is not the place for you.
When you are working 10-15 hours a day, don't have a car , paying monthly the rent for your small flat the possibility isn't very high to meet mr.or mrs. right except at your workplace( but who wants to see no different person the whole day ??)


Nonsense. If you seriously think this is what people are looking for when they're seeking a spouse then I really feel sorry for you. Sure, there are some people out there who are completely materialistic and I wish them good luck finding a significant other of the same mentality.

There's three important things to consider when choosing a significant other:
1) Personality
2) Personality
3) Personality

When you're 85 years old you wont have a high paid job, you wont have some fantastic job title, you wont have a big car but you'll sure as hell still have your personality.

Guest 03.01.2010 15:07

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser (Post 656497)
Nonsense. If you seriously think this is what people are looking for when they're seeking a spouse then I really feel sorry for you.

There are plenty of people who think that way, alas. And quite a lot of them are in their thirties and forties, consider themselves to be 'professionals' and infest the dating websites of Switzerland like some kind of hideous befanged rat.

The problem is, one cannot always recognise them upon first meeting.

It's only when the bill comes at the end of the meal that you see these vampires for what they really are... :eek:

cannut 03.01.2010 15:10

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by muppet (Post 656489)
OUCH
I’m 42 and hardly ever wear makeup (and if I do it’s very little) try snowboarding with mascara running down your face,.
Anyone who knows me, including my male friends, would say I’m the most down to earth easy going person they know (outside of work) and I don’t do complicated.
The problem is I can’t find a man who wants to (and can because he’s fit enough) snowboard, mountain bike, hike and doesn’t want kids. I thought this was the 21st century but a lot of men still want a barefoot and pregnant woman in the kitchen, go figure

Quote:

Originally Posted by muppet (Post 656494)
Touché
But why must women change and lower their standards but men not, bit unfair don’t you think :eek:

And I like to climb up to the roof of my House and jump landing on my head ,go fishing for weeks till I smell like a fish .If I find a women which does likewise i replace my wife with her. Go figure

richardm 03.01.2010 15:11

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

I’d rather be single than date a guy who can’t keep up with me on a snowboard
Is there any hope for a person in this country who doesn't give a rip about snow sports?

I'm going to make my stand right now: I'm 36, single, and I am thoroughly ambivalent toward skiing and snowboarding. There, I said it.

Will la police des étrangers take away my residence permit for that? :confused:

Guest 03.01.2010 15:13

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by muppet (Post 656501)
Other than the non healthy belly part, sorry it’s a personal preference, some men don’t like blonds, it’s just ones taste.

It's funny. A few months ago, I wasn't very keen on blondes, would never date a teetotaller, and tried to keep a long way away from religious types.

And here I am engaged to be married to a non-drinking, blonde Christian: and I'm really rather happy about that!

Just goes to show how much use 'taste' is when deciding upon a life partner... :D

blackbird 03.01.2010 15:15

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
I got some "dates" , after 5 mins the questions came up after Cars, houses
etc.(I thought ,l was in the wrong movie).
When personality is so important, why females mostly have a boyfriend one head taller then they are, regardless his intelligence.
I think it is not easy to find a date , when you have different interests opposite from the average men / female of your age.

Fraser 03.01.2010 15:16

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

It's funny. A few months ago, I wasn't very keen on blondes, would never date a teetotaller, and tried to keep a long way away from religious types.

And here I am engaged to be married to a non-drinking, blonde Christian: and I'm really rather happy about that!

Just goes to show how much use 'taste' is when deciding upon a life partner... :D
Congrats on finding your ideal mate.

I bet she matches all three of the criteria I specified in my prior post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackbird (Post 656506)
I got some "dates" , after 5 mins the questions came up after Cars, houses
etc.(I thought ,l was in the wrong movie).
When personality is so important, why females mostly have a boyfriend one head taller then they are, regardless his intelligence.
I think it is not easy to find a date , when you have different interests opposite from the average men / female of your age.

If you had identical interests to the average male or female it would be even more difficult.

Different = good.

shlogan 03.01.2010 15:20

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by paulita (Post 656319)
The three are in their late 30's early 40's, and what they have in common is: they are expat, they are senior professionals in large multinationals (i.e., independent and good earners), and attractive. From where I see it, there is nothing wrong with any of the three. Oh! And they love sports and outdoors!

Considering that they are senior professionals from MNCs, there should be too much stress and high demands at work and probably they carry forward the same into their personal life. I think they just have to relax a bit, go out to parties and events, or meetups and just have fun. It is important that they leave their checklist behind. :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by paulita (Post 656319)
The other one is just way too picky and I doesnt look like she has tried beyond being set up from a limited circle of friends.

here, you have the answer already....being too picky ain't going to help.

ch1015 03.01.2010 15:21

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
They are lesbians. No doubt.

(PS: and maybe they do not know it !) ; - )

Guest 03.01.2010 15:22

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser (Post 656508)
Congrats on finding your ideal mate.

I bet she matches all three of the criteria I specified in my prior post.

Thank you!

She matches all three... and several hundred more that I'd never thought of before I met her.

Of course, I'm not sharing this to be smug. Far from it: it is meant to be an illustration of the pointlessness of having fixed criteria when looking for a partner. Moreover, it is also meant to be an illustration of the pointlessness of looking for a partner at all!

She came into my life when I was least expecting it (indeed, earlier the same evening I had expressed my lack of interest in having a proper relationship with anyone, as I was having so much fun), and didn't meet any of the normal criteria I'd expect in a potential partner... and turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

Goal-oriented dating?

I'll leave that to the professionals...


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