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  #681  
Old 01.03.2011, 19:00
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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You are quite right on this occasion! Not very hard to calculate, as I did become entitled to my bus pass yesterday.
Congratulations.

So I'm guessing that you were in your early twenties when you met your husband. ie. at the very peak of your attractiveness.
And I'm guessing that when you saw a good thing, you went for it - no messing around playing hard-to-get games.
And, 40 years ago, you hadn't been influenced by the female fantasy media.

Why is that so hard for the current generation of women to understand?
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  #682  
Old 01.03.2011, 19:12
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

It seems that you do need to be reassured.
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  #683  
Old 01.03.2011, 19:17
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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So I'm guessing that you were in your early twenties when you met your husband. ie. at the very peak of your attractiveness.
The most alpha male (intelligent, attractive, tall, athletic, outstanding general knowledge, can dance, can cook, good at any sport, impeccable taste, impossibly rich) I ever met married his wife when she was in her thirties. He cheated on her with me, also late twenties and now thirties but definitely not more attractive than her. I don't think you can reduce it to age and looks in every instance

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And, 40 years ago, you hadn't been influenced by the female fantasy media.

Why is that so hard for the current generation of women to understand?
We must be looking at different media. What I get from media aimed at women is that you are never good enough and this is why you don't deserve a good guy.
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  #684  
Old 01.03.2011, 19:27
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

I find myself agreeing with Kittster. (your earlier post)

Your point about modern women not needing crappy men only breaks down when the women get to the stage that they want a man to be father & provider.
Then they start complaining. But the men just think that if he wasn't wanted before when the women were only interested in the alpha's, why should he now put much effort in.

I'm already bringing my sons up to be useful, productive, active and to show leadership.
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  #685  
Old 01.03.2011, 19:31
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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The most alpha male... I ever met married his wife when she was in her thirties. He cheated on her with me, ...
I think that suggests he may have made a poor decision.


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We must be looking at different media. What I get from media aimed at women is that you are never good enough and this is why you don't deserve a good guy.
It' still not exactly helping women to achieve happiness in their lives.
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  #686  
Old 01.03.2011, 19:35
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

You assume that all women want to have children and live happily ever after with Prince Charming's less polished and slightly uglier but not gay brother. I can provide for myself, thank you very much and kids, well, I can't have kids. A guy who can offer what I would expect in order to even consider entering into the risky business that is a relationship will probably have a shopping list that is more picky than mine and so we never shall meet.

While you say women shouldn't see themselves as a prize entitled to freebies, this also applies to men. And I'm sorry to say this but the men these days are like little boys with infinite amounts of pocket money and no mum to tell them it's time to stop eating all the sweeties. Or they are already married - and I wouldn't want a guy that I can steal from another woman, I only borrow them.
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  #687  
Old 01.03.2011, 19:39
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

I actually partly agree with you, and I can see how hard it is for my own daughters in their 30s to balance their career and family life, and to be expected to 'look' the part all the time. But no way will I agree that the only options for them, or for me, or indeed for my mother - is/was to become and remain a mother and housewife punkt schluss and forget about any other aspirations and hopes they may have. Fine if this is mother/housewife role is what a woman truly wants- but not if it is a social, cultural or 'man' expectation. After a few years crippled by a car accident, followed by being a mother and supportive wife, I was at screaming point with coffee mornings and the 'David says Stepford syndrome' - and my man supported me all the way to go back to studying and build up my own career. Not easy for him, as his work took all his energy and time, working VERY long hours. A great man will be prepared to make sacrifices too and take shared responsibility for house, home and children, should his partner/wife wish to pursue a career.
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  #688  
Old 01.03.2011, 19:46
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

@Kittster, With the caveat that not all but most women do want the happy families thing, I still agree with you.

There's just not much motivation these days for young men to not act like boys for as long as they can get away with it.

That's me for the night. Gotta go...
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  #689  
Old 01.03.2011, 19:50
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

Self-importance is a relationship killer. In a place where it is such a defining tone in how people carry themselves, it is no wonder they have trouble with relationships with others. It is no wonder they have no mojo.

Now, if people would only get over themselves, stop impressing themselves, perhaps they may find more opportunity to share of themselves. Just a thought.
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  #690  
Old 01.03.2011, 20:08
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

Aside from some notable exceptions, the best advice and information in recent days has come from the guys in my most humble opinion.
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  #691  
Old 01.03.2011, 20:09
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

Absolutely- but strangely self-importance for one part of the relationship does seem much more acceptable for many. What about mutual respect, and self respect?

Edit, as crossed posts. Comment relates to self-importance.
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  #692  
Old 01.03.2011, 20:09
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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That's me for the night. Gotta go...
You haven't explained why you consider that women shouldn't have it all.
Or perhaps I misunderstood you ?
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  #693  
Old 01.03.2011, 20:11
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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@Kittster, With the caveat that not all but most women do want the happy families thing, I still agree with you.

There's just not much motivation these days for young men to not act like boys for as long as they can get away with it.
And, what is more to the point, most girlies prefer it when we do behave like that !!
It's amazing how the cad/disinterested thing works so well
Then you settle down, they turn you into something far more benign, then they shag the guy down at Starbucks, who is a rogue, just like you used to be ... and complain to their mates that you have just become so dull.
It seems to fit in with wanting exactly what you haven't got !!

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You haven't explained why you consider that women shouldn't have it all.
They can - but then they will just want something else
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  #694  
Old 01.03.2011, 20:13
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

Very sad indeed if it is what you experienced.
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  #695  
Old 01.03.2011, 21:02
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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In the lunch queue at work, funnily enough.
And she literally shed tears of joy when I asked her to marry me.

Sorry to spoil your illusions, but being a tall, arrogant a-hole with a successful career and an penchant for manly pursuits like adventure-sports and motorcycling, is anything but a disadvantage when it comes to meeting women.
you mean short, kind, submissive homemaker having penchant for housewife-type activities.

Definitely picturing you approaching her with a smile:
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  #696  
Old 02.03.2011, 01:37
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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You haven't explained why you consider that women shouldn't have it all.
Or perhaps I misunderstood you ?
Sorry Sky, I didn't realize you were waiting for a reaction from me. Your female indirectness went straight over my male head.

Woman can aspire to have the "have it all" dream if they wish. We all fully support everyone's right to pursue whatever makes them happy.
What I object to is the idea that many woman have that they are somehow entitled to "have it all" as their birthright.
Or as Odile points out, the ridiculous pressure put on women to "have it all".

Unfortunately for the young women, someone seems to have forgotten that they will require men's cooperation if they are going to achieve that dream. However, the men have little reason to go along with it.
So they resort to shaming tactics to attempt to coerce men, like suggesting that men are "scared" of strong women or somehow "not real men" if they don't want to settle down and be "responsible".

A single man actually needs surprisingly little to get by and be happy. He only needs a higher education and a career if he intends to support others. So first we have to ask whether there's even value for a young man in doing that.
But suppose we take a nice, quiet engineer with good prospects approaching his peak mate value aged 30. Is he really expected to risk everything he's built of his life so far (and a 50% divorce rate is very risky), for a woman who has in turn spent her peak years ignoring him but instead partying with the bad-boys?
This same engineer also realizes that he's now in demand and with just a little effort he can have all the girls he wants with little risk or commitment.

Young men are increasingly going on strike and refusing to go along with women's plans.
Is that selfish or just self-preservation?

The "have it all" dream is surprisingly difficult to obtain - and that's the lie that has been sold to women.
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  #697  
Old 02.03.2011, 04:36
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

So I got to thinking that this thread should, perhaps, be renamed "Why Is It So Hard To Find A Date Anywhere?!". Period.

Over the past few days, I've taken away many positives, good pointers, excellent advice and information (mostly coming from the guys) from this thread. At the same time, I've noticed some negatives as follows: -

1) Too many statements, proclamations, testaments - call them what you will - of absolutes that quintessentially amount to very little, if anything at all, such as, "he/she MUST be this, have or do that otherwise it's just not happening" style rhetoric. At the end of the day, what exactly do these kinds of fanciful notions achieve. Absolutely nothing as far as I am concerned ...

2) Too much hypothesizing and conjecture on the way men/women/relationships should be leaving absolutely NO room whatsoever for the mystery and magic of what simply could be if one just lets go of their ideals and goes with the flow. In other words, just be open to what is out there, you may be very pleasantly surprized ...

We are all uniquely different and cannot, no should not be pigeon-holed, labelled or categorized in ways such as "all men below this age are like this" or "all women over this age crave for that" and the like. I certainly don't fit into (and nor do I want to) any of the hard-nosed, ageist or fluffy stereotypes of women I've been reading about. Some elements may be applicable from each, to varying degrees, but not all. No way. There's infinitely more about ourselves - both men and women - that cannot be defined, quantified or explained away and therein lay the wondrous elements of mystery, promise, hope and surprize ...

I'm so looking forward to what lies ahead ...
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Last edited by ximix; 02.03.2011 at 06:03. Reason: added a sentence
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  #698  
Old 02.03.2011, 07:37
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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....But suppose we take a nice, quiet engineer with good prospects approaching his peak mate value aged 30. Is he really expected to risk everything he's built of his life so far (and a 50% divorce rate is very risky), for a woman who has in turn spent her peak years ignoring him but instead partying with the bad-boys?

Holy fawk--> Get out of my head!
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Old 02.03.2011, 10:16
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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Sorry Sky, I didn't realize you were waiting for a reaction from me. Your female indirectness went straight over my male head.

Woman can aspire to have the "have it all" dream if they wish. We all fully support everyone's right to pursue whatever makes them happy.
What I object to is the idea that many woman have that they are somehow entitled to "have it all" as their birthright.
Or as Odile points out, the ridiculous pressure put on women to "have it all".

Unfortunately for the young women, someone seems to have forgotten that they will require men's cooperation if they are going to achieve that dream. However, the men have little reason to go along with it.
So they resort to shaming tactics to attempt to coerce men, like suggesting that men are "scared" of strong women or somehow "not real men" if they don't want to settle down and be "responsible".

A single man actually needs surprisingly little to get by and be happy. He only needs a higher education and a career if he intends to support others. So first we have to ask whether there's even value for a young man in doing that.
But suppose we take a nice, quiet engineer with good prospects approaching his peak mate value aged 30. Is he really expected to risk everything he's built of his life so far (and a 50% divorce rate is very risky), for a woman who has in turn spent her peak years ignoring him but instead partying with the bad-boys?
This same engineer also realizes that he's now in demand and with just a little effort he can have all the girls he wants with little risk or commitment.

Young men are increasingly going on strike and refusing to go along with women's plans.
Is that selfish or just self-preservation?

The "have it all" dream is surprisingly difficult to obtain - and that's the lie that has been sold to women.
I tried but could'nt say it better than you! Brilliant response!

Sorry I misunderstood you earlier, assuming you were a "bitter single" or "unhappily in a relationship" but you are very much clued up.

All this time I thought I was the only Genius around!

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Or they are already married - and I wouldn't want a guy that I can steal from another woman, I only borrow them.
Just a word of advice Emmanuel, I have known some borrowed married men managing to get single adventurous girls on a mission, like you, fall totally for them.

And it hurts not less, if not worst, and is as much emotionally shattering as being broken up by a single guy. So never do it more than once with the same guy
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  #700  
Old 02.03.2011, 10:52
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Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)

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But suppose we take a nice, quiet engineer with good prospects approaching his peak mate value aged 30. Is he really expected to risk everything he's built of his life so far (and a 50% divorce rate is very risky), for a woman who has in turn spent her peak years ignoring him but instead partying with the bad-boys?
What a SAD way of thinking.
Thank god not all men are like you and your buddies Wasted, Phil_MCR & st2lemans - and actually value woman's personality rather than her age.
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