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-   -   Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me) (https://www.englishforum.ch/general-off-topic/71157-why-so-hard-find-date-zurich-hope-my-friends-wont-kill-me.html)

03.01.2010 11:32

Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
I hope my friends wont kill me for posting this.... :msncrazy:

While I am happily married for quite a few years, I have not one but THREE female friends who have been single ever since I have met them.

The three are in their late 30's early 40's, and what they have in common is: they are expat, they are senior professionals in large multinationals (i.e., independent and good earners), and attractive. From where I see it, there is nothing wrong with any of the three. Oh! And they love sports and outdoors!

One of these friends tried actively the whole expat dating scene... unsuccessfully.
Another friend tried PARSHIP for a year now, unsuccessfully...
The other one is just way too picky and I doesnt look like she has tried beyond being set up from a limited circle of friends.

Any clues why is this? Any ideas how to get them out of their single-sein? None of them wants to stay single (otherwise I wouldnt be asking for help).

cannut 03.01.2010 11:49

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by paulita (Post 656319)
I hope my friends wont kill me for posting this.... :msncrazy:

While I am happily married for quite a few years, I have not one but THREE female friends who have been single ever since I have met them.

The three are in their late 30's early 40's, and what they have in common is: they are expat, they are senior professionals in large multinationals (i.e., independent and good earners), and attractive. From where I see it, there is nothing wrong with any of the three. Oh! And they love sports and outdoors!

One of these friends tried actively the whole expat dating scene... unsuccessfully.
Another friend tried PARSHIP for a year now, unsuccessfully...
The other one is just way too picky and I doesnt look like she has tried beyond being set up from a limited circle of friends.

Any clues why is this? Any ideas how to get them out of their single-sein? None of them wants to stay single (otherwise I wouldnt be asking for help).

Yes about #3 ; she is to picky :D

bruce fielding 03.01.2010 11:51

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
This is not just a Zurich thing or a Swiss thing or a European thing. It's global. And it's a mystery.

I have just as many male friends who are also looking for soul mates / partners / someone to spend time with. And they seem to go through relationships unsuccessfully as well (based in London before you suggest some sort of arrangement!)

The only theory I have is that one is set in one's ways from about 30-35 years old and it's hard not to have a 'check list' against which to set ones expectations. It's also hard for successful men to decide on a more experienced, more mature, more confident woman, when they are just as attractive to the younger ones who they can impress (in every sense) more easily.

I think (can't prove it though) that the situation is getting better these days as age becomes less important externally (although it may be an internal factor in terms of self-positioning...)

Treverus 03.01.2010 12:00

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by paulita (Post 656319)
From where I see it, there is nothing wrong with any of the three.

Well, I guess it will get a bit non-PC, but the truth is: I see very few men with women that are more successful, higher educated or earn more then them. Seems to be an issue for many... do not ask me why, I do not know as I am the exception :D

So the more your friends got, the harder it might get to find a good date for them.

Chuff 03.01.2010 12:02

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by paulita (Post 656319)
I hope my friends wont kill me for posting this.... :msncrazy:

While I am happily married for quite a few years, I have not one but THREE female friends who have been single ever since I have met them.

The three are in their late 30's early 40's, and what they have in common is: they are expat, they are senior professionals in large multinationals (i.e., independent and good earners), and attractive. From where I see it, there is nothing wrong with any of the three. Oh! And they love sports and outdoors!

One of these friends tried actively the whole expat dating scene... unsuccessfully.
Another friend tried PARSHIP for a year now, unsuccessfully...
The other one is just way too picky and I doesnt look like she has tried beyond being set up from a limited circle of friends.

Any clues why is this? Any ideas how to get them out of their single-sein? None of them wants to stay single (otherwise I wouldnt be asking for help).

Well think about it... the ex-pat scene ius not very big. So compared to being in their native country, the available pool of eligible batchelors and batchelorettes is going to be comparatively miniscule. Added on to this, if they are successful and senior professionaly in large multinationals then they are going to likely be looking for older, comparably financially equipped males in similar sectors. Those men of that age and career level that are likely here are probably already married, or have girlfriends.

They either need to learn German and try meeting the Swiss (loads who speak ENglish anyway), or get used to being single and frustrated.

bruce fielding 03.01.2010 12:08

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuff (Post 656348)
...if they are successful and senior professionaly in large multinationals then they are going to likely be looking for older, comparably financially equipped males in similar sectors.

Why? The same isn't true the other way around... Some women are perfectly happy with younger less successful companions in the same way that men are.

Treverus 03.01.2010 12:14

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuff (Post 656348)
batchelors

Are they batch processing singles? :D

Moonlightshadow 03.01.2010 12:15

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Well, I´m nice, modest and single. And no expat. But German. Any explanations?

simon_ch 03.01.2010 12:15

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Moonlightshadow (Post 656358)
Well, I´m nice, modest and single. And no expat. But German. Any explanations?

Given you a clue. :p

Chuff 03.01.2010 12:18

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bruce fielding (Post 656354)
Why? The same isn't true the other way around... Some women are perfectly happy with younger less successful companions in the same way that men are.

Bruce I was obviously generalising to a large extent, but a picky high-earning professional of more mature years is generally going to be looking for a male of similar stature. While im obviously not saying that love between a young male goat herder and a mature female company VP is theoretically impossible, it's probably not too not realistic.

As for why men like younger women, well... we are geared slightly differently.

deutschmaad 03.01.2010 12:19

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
I'm Irish and single,
does nationality have anything to do with it?

Everyone likes the Irish! :cheers:

Treverus 03.01.2010 12:20

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by simon_ch (Post 656359)
Given you a clue. :p

To put it in your own words ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by simon_ch (Post 655235)
Oh for christs sake, first I thought you're just a silly troll, but now I believe you're just ignorant as ****.
1. Schweizerin heiratet Ausländer: 20.8%, Schweizer heriatet Ausländerin: 22.4%
Ausländerin heiratet Ausländer*: 6.5%
Laut Angaben des Bundesamtes für Statistik (BSF) sind im Jahr 2007 49.7% aller in der Schweiz geschlossenen Ehen binational.
45% der Schweizer Frauen heiraten Männer aus EU/EFTA-Staaten, 55% heiraten Männer aus Drittländern. Die Liste wird angeführt von Italien, Deutschland, Serbien/Montenegro, Nordafrika, Türkei sowie Frankreich.

35% der Schweizer Männer heiraten Frauen aus EU/EFTA Staaten, 65% heiraten Frauen aus Drittländern. Die Liste wird angeführt von Deutschland, Brasilien, Thailand, Italien, Serbien/Montenegro sowie Nordafrika.


Moonlightshadow 03.01.2010 12:24

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by simon_ch (Post 656359)
Given you a clue. :p

Lol, thanks. You mean I shouldn´t have mentioned my nationality? :p

Treverus 03.01.2010 12:31

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Moonlightshadow (Post 656369)
Lol, thanks. You mean I shouldn´t have mentioned my nationality? :p

I live here as a German for five years and have to tell you that some Swiss will not like you. They are noisy and will even fill the country with political posters, so you will be confronted with it, but since they are essentially the "less than average achiever" in terms of education, career, income or pretty much anything else, you do not need to worry: The ones who do have a lot of prejudice against you are not the ones you want to date anyway. :D (Probably true for all "Ausländer" and not only Germans)

Peg A 03.01.2010 12:32

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Treverus (Post 656345)
Well, I guess it will get a bit non-PC, but the truth is: I see very few men with women that are more successful, higher educated or earn more then them. Seems to be an issue for many... do not ask me why, I do not know as I am the exception :D

So the more your friends got, the harder it might get to find a good date for them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuff (Post 656348)
Well think about it... the ex-pat scene ius not very big. So compared to being in their native country, the available pool of eligible batchelors and batchelorettes is going to be comparatively miniscule. Added on to this, if they are successful and senior professionaly in large multinationals then they are going to likely be looking for older, comparably financially equipped males in similar sectors. Those men of that age and career level that are likely here are probably already married, or have girlfriends.

They either need to learn German and try meeting the Swiss (loads who speak ENglish anyway), or get used to being single and frustrated.


Speaking as someone who found her heart's desire in her thirties, I'll offer that these two are pretty close to how I see things.

While I'm not an über educated, financially successful, upper management, so on and so forth... while the men I met while I was single CLAIMED to want a woman who knew what she was about, independent both financially and socially... as things went on, the reality was that people in general (not just men) need their egos stroked a bit by their lover.

Since this is about gals getting dates though, we'll go with the man theme.

So, most men, while envisioning themselves married to someone who is their equal in all ways, tend not to date their equals. Maybe it is at least partially (a strong part) because it doesn't show them off to their friends the same way as a bubble-headed bimbo who won't rake them over the coals when she finds out about him bragging about their sexual exploits to his friends. Combine this with the <ahem> "knowledge" <ahem> that men tend not to actually want to be married in the first place or think that all women see dating as a necessary evil to our ultimate goal of marriage and you maybe see where the problem lay.

Also, respect itself is a problem. Men I know claim to want to be around respectable women but on the other hand, men also seem to have a rough time dating a woman they respect / feel obligated to act respectful toward.
Here is an example of what I mean: While I can picture a man saying to his pals "oh, man! Josie* had her hands all over me, even though we were in public, she <insert activity best left private here> See, look at the marks she left!" ... I can not as easily picture a guy saying "Jo* is so strong! You should have heard her go head-to-head against Mr.Humptyschmutz <insert corporate politics power play here>! She really raked him!"


Even with these imaginings of mine, I still also imagine that some of the guys on EF will take offense and say that no, they wouldn't prefer dating Josie* vs Jo*... experience tells me, this is not true in the general scheme of things.


*Both Josie and Jo are actually the same person but also is a fictitious character.

MacGregor's Daughter 03.01.2010 12:35

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
I´m in my mid-30s, expat, senior professional, and attractive. :D
I wasn't looking for anyone and guess what: I found Mr. Right on a bar stool in a pub. If you try too hard you are less likely to achieve what you want. Then again I see that the older you get the less time you have left to start a family.

sanju4u 03.01.2010 12:38

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Hey, I have the same experience with two of my friends,( both male).
They often talk to me about their loneliness.They are also working with MNC, with good earning and they are looking for some partner or just friend to share their time , feeling whatever ..... but obviously some female with whom they can go to Bars, Discos or just sit arround the lake....
These are their words which I am sharing with you:rolleyes:... and they are not going to kill me as ,have taken their permission rather they were interested to post this for them;).....




Quote:

Originally Posted by paulita (Post 656319)
I hope my friends wont kill me for posting this.... :msncrazy:

While I am happily married for quite a few years, I have not one but THREE female friends who have been single ever since I have met them.

The three are in their late 30's early 40's, and what they have in common is: they are expat, they are senior professionals in large multinationals (i.e., independent and good earners), and attractive. From where I see it, there is nothing wrong with any of the three. Oh! And they love sports and outdoors!

One of these friends tried actively the whole expat dating scene... unsuccessfully.
Another friend tried PARSHIP for a year now, unsuccessfully...
The other one is just way too picky and I doesnt look like she has tried beyond being set up from a limited circle of friends.

Any clues why is this? Any ideas how to get them out of their single-sein? None of them wants to stay single (otherwise I wouldnt be asking for help).


Glenville 03.01.2010 12:43

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Hmm. Do any of them want to learn how to roll a kayak?
;-)

Treverus 03.01.2010 12:45

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Glenville (Post 656388)
Hmm. Do any of them want to learn how to roll a kayak?
;-)

This is the most creative pick up line of the year so far... :D

Chuff 03.01.2010 12:45

Re: Why is it so hard to find a date in Zurich?! (hope my friends wont kill me)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Glenville (Post 656388)
Hmm. Do any of them want to learn how to roll a kayak?
;-)

I'm sure many could bake a nice kayak.


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