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  #81  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:25
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

Speaking from the child's point of view, being an only child is brilliant until you get to about 40 and have to face the problem of aging parent(s) and only you to deal with the situation/look after them
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  #82  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:26
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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I've been thinking a lot these days about having 1-2 or more kids. And this specific thread was the reason of it.

I thought it will be a thread about the nice things to have only 1 child, but it turned to how having more kids it much better!

Maybe some of you can't have more then 1. Maybe you can but don't want too,

So if you have 1 child and are happy this way, please share with me / us (if I am not alone) who is not looking to have more kids.

And Gosh, I am tired of this kind of comments.
we had 1 for 4 years but now we have 2. so I can not contribute. But i want to say I am really happy that your avatar is back to this picture
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  #83  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:26
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

Hey,

Why do you look for justifications from somebody else's mind.
If you are longing for more kids, go for it. But look at this before you decide something.

http://liveleak.com/view?i=8af_1223328619
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  #84  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:32
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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Speaking from the child's point of view, being an only child is brilliant until you get to about 40 and have to face the problem of aging parent(s) and only you to deal with the situation/look after them
I think being an only child can be quite lonely, especially if your parents divorce. I always wished i'd had a sibling, but alas, twas not to be. I'm not too worried about looking after my dad as he will have decent savings, so will always have help even if im in another country, as I still plan to be in 15 years time.

When I finally have sprogs I will aim for 2 if possible.
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  #85  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:41
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

Basically you should have as many children as you (& partner) want and - in my opinion, anyway - can or want to afford.

I was also perplexed by some of the preaching about how many children one should have (as well as some of the defensive responses).

If people judge you one way or t'other shrug 'em off, just like you do the stern-looking woman who is disapproving of little princess®'s latest tantrum.

To those who don't have children: just accept that all those who do are just jealous of the bohemian lifestyles you lead and the amount of spare cash you have... so of course we'll "judge" you.

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... but it turned to how having more kids it much better!
Just re-read this comment. It doesn't mean it is better for everyone all of the time. There are plenty of people for whom having more than 1 it too stressful, to costly and can lead to the disintegration of their family. I would suggest that these people would be unlikely to post here, but I know two examples from close friends where having more than one ruined the relationship. (Here's the link to one of the cases)
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Last edited by Carlos R; 29.06.2010 at 10:51. Reason: added quote/comment
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  #86  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:45
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

We have one child and completely unrelated to our opinions and plans, she already shows signs of being somewhat lonely. It does not matter how much fun you provide and how busy you keep the child with playdates, day care full of friends, trips and the rest of the relatives, one child will always be one child surrounded by adults. So not that much fun compared to having little buddies at all times for all kinds of exciting mischief and situations to learn from. So, in my opinion, it is not always about the grown ups and their feelings, reasons, etc.
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Last edited by MusicChick; 29.06.2010 at 11:00.
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  #87  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:46
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

I have 3 siblings and it is great to have someone to talk to and share things, we are pretty close although now I want to slap them cause as the eldest I am the one that has to keep sorting things out.
I think being an only child could be good but then it can be pretty lonely as well, I guess it all depends on how much you want to have another child. Also, when you have a sibling you learn to bond with others and share...which is important
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  #88  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:51
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

Nil, you do realize that you do not have to contribute to, nor read all posts/threads on this forum just because they are there. And unfortunately this forum cannot show you emotions.

I have many friends with just the one kid. I see many advantages. But then, it may just be the Green Grass theory.

Advantages are:
-you can spontaneously take them somewhere - indoor playgrounds, swimming.. and not have to plan 3 steps in advance.
-you can spend hours on homework - noone else screaming in your ear for attention.
- skiing lessons cost 50chf per day, not 150(!)
- after a visit to the museum, you can stop off at the coffeeshop and have a quiet coffee and ice cream -you dont have to buy 3 or more ice creams.
- you only have to provide cuddles for 1 - the lap is never full if someone else needs a cuddle
- grazed knees only ever come in pairs at the most
- working just requires finding childcare for 1 kid - 2 are a lot harder to juggle, and less time off work with a sick kid.
- smaller tents when camping
- possibly a smaller, more economical car

However, you have been on this topic for months - much longer than said thread - if these posts annoy you so, maybe think about the deeper reasons.

Examples here.

Where do you see yourself/your family in 5 years time?

In the words of Annie Lenox - be true to yourself and you cant go wrong.

I suggest we meet up during the school holidays, half way between Basel and Baden, and you can see if you really want to add to your tribe or not.
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  #89  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:53
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

As much as I understand all your views on having 2 or more kids it is because of this people are not confortable to speak up and say why they choose to have only 1 child.

Same as the ones who don't want kids and get speachs on how selfish, lonely, aweful they are to not have at least 1. And when you do have 1, you still a selfish prick to not make an other for the poor lonely child who will grown up lonely, selfish and miserable.
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  #90  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:55
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

Medical complications and post-birth traumas have prevented a few of my friends from adding a second or more offspring to the planet's head count. Single kids are always going to be one off design prototypes, they learn everything the hard way, but their individuality and skills stay their own.
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  #91  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:55
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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As much as I understand all your views on having 2 or more kids it is because of this people are not confortable to speak up and say why they choose to have only 1 child.

Same as the ones who don't want kids and get speachs on how selfish, lonely, aweful they are to not have at least 1. And when you do have 1, you still a selfish prick to not make an other for the poor lonely child who will grown up lonely, selfish and miserable.
Do you really listen to people with these views Nil?
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  #92  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:59
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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Nil, you do realize that you do not have to contribute to, nor read all posts/threads on this forum just because they are there. And unfortunately this forum cannot show you emotions.

I have many friends with just the one kid. I see many advantages. But then, it may just be the Green Grass theory.

Advantages are:
-you can spontaneously take them somewhere - indoor playgrounds, swimming.. and not have to plan 3 steps in advance.
-you can spend hours on homework - noone else screaming in your ear for attention.
- skiing lessons cost 50chf per day, not 150(!)
- after a visit to the museum, you can stop off at the coffeeshop and have a quiet coffee and ice cream -you dont have to buy 3 or more ice creams.
- you only have to provide cuddles for 1 - the lap is never full if someone else needs a cuddle
- grazed knees only ever come in pairs at the most
- working just requires finding childcare for 1 kid - 2 are a lot harder to juggle, and less time off work with a sick kid.
- smaller tents when camping
- possibly a smaller, more economical car

However, you have been on this topic for months - much longer than said thread - if these posts annoy you so, maybe think about the deeper reasons.

Examples here.

Where do you see yourself/your family in 5 years time?

In the words of Annie Lenox - be true to yourself and you cant go wrong.

I suggest we meet up during the school holidays, half way between Basel and Baden, and you can see if you really want to add to your tribe or not.
I am mixed between groaning you and thanking you.

Groaning for passing judgement on how, when and who I read in here. And taking my question on a degree I didn't bring in here.

I am certainly not looking for justifications or acceptations on my choices. But I am simply very curious to heard from people who think like me!

I have to say, the exemple I took wasn't toward you, but it was an exemple in general!

I have to thank you also for the rest of your post.
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  #93  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:01
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

Maybe another child would help keep you more occupied, and stop you from posting this daily drivel.
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  #94  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:01
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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Do you really listen to people with these views Nil?
No, askim!

I am just starting a debate here. It is not because I talk about something it means I live it 100%.

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  #95  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:02
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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Maybe another child would help keep you more occupied, and stop you from posting this daily drivel.
Now you deserve it!

I could talk about politic but I am not a politician. I could talk about cars, sports, economy. But you know what? I am a full time mom and this is what I live everyday. So yes, I do talk about what is the major subject in my life: kids.

But, I also can talk about many other subjects on this forum, they are very easy to find. And it goes from Football, pets, $, food, etc...
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  #96  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:06
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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We have one child and completely unrelated to our opinions and plans, she already shows signs of being somewhat lonely. It does not matter how much fun you provide and how busy you keep the child with playdates, day care full of friends, trips and the rest of the relatives, one child will always be one child surrounded by adults. So not that much fun compared to having little buddies at all times for all kids of exciting mischief and situations to learn from.
Whilst this is, of course, true, remember that there is also no guarantee that siblings will get on, and the children can still end up lonely within the family. It also depends on the character of the child - siblings or no, some kids/people simply find it more difficult to make friends. The time that the isolation hit me to an extent was at secondary school where the catchment area was so much larger than for primary schools and my best friend lived over ten miles away and we were dependent on the goodwill of parents to help us meet up outside school.

There's no denying that being an only child is often an experience of isolation, but from a "life skills" point of view it's not a bad thing. Who is the person who always does what they say they will without relying on others? Who is the person who can be left to get on with their work quite happily without supervision? Yep, the only child. Would I have liked to have siblings? Yes, especially now. But I'm also not blinded to the fact that sibling relationships have their own pitfalls and that growing up as an only child also has its advantages.

However, I would recommend a book to any parents of only children - it's called "Only Child" by Jill Pitkeathley and David Emerson. Perfect it ain't, but it contains some useful insights.

ETA: I would also add that only children often fall into two camps; they either end up extremely shy, introverted and lonely because they don't know how to interact with people as well as siblings and are so used to looking for external approval (from parents) that they are scared to make the effort to interact in case they fail, or they end up quite self-confident because they know they cannot rely on anybody else to be an automatic social circle so if they don't want to be lonely, they have to get out there and make the effort. Obviously this all applies to all people to a large extent, but it's quite scary being on your own without the support of siblings who, however much they fight, share a background and belong to one another.
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  #97  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:10
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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As much as I understand all your views on having 2 or more kids it is because of this people are not confortable to speak up and say why they choose to have only 1 child.
Hmm...I would give peeps more credit than that. People might just feel they don't need to justify their super personal choices in this very public space, publicity being the other side of "speaking up".

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Same as the ones who don't want kids and get speachs on how selfish, lonely, aweful they are to not have at least 1. And when you do have 1, you still a selfish prick to not make an other for the poor lonely child who will grown up lonely, selfish and miserable.
Just tune all of this out? If we were always worried about some no name opinion throwers, one ends up doing nothing...

You are a good mom, your kid will certainly have high quality life.

Having a larger family, in my opinion, is the best gift one can give to a child, BUT, that is my personal opinion, should be taken as such. There are innumerable perks of having a cute small family unit, trust me, hahaha...Uhm, like being able to gig a lot? Back to school for parents, more space to get along with a different culture, etc..Happy home is a happy home, no matter how many kids. One could definitely have unhappy home, full of kids, fo sho.

My kid hugged me today saying "I am still very very small, cuddle me, I am not big!". And I think if she had a sibbling, she would have to grow with the speed of light. But that's life, innit.
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  #98  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:17
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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No, askim!

I am just starting a debate here. It is not because I talk about something it means I live it 100%.

Debate means letting all sorts of opinions in it.

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..Who is the person who always does what they say they will without relying on others? Who is the person who can be left to get on with their work quite happily without supervision? Yep, the only child.
Hmm, you might be right. But having worked so many years with kids, I actually feel it's the middle ones who show the independence the most efficient way, not the single ones, who, after all the perfectionism and parental attention have been focused on them, are quite often apprehensive about making mistakes and disappointing their folks, teachers..But to overall generalize like this is useless.
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Old 29.06.2010, 11:21
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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There's no denying that being an only child is often an experience of isolation, but from a "life skills" point of view it's not a bad thing.
I don't know..I've cared for many only children; and infact my Mothers partner had only one child. And to be honest most of these children seem to have real problems with the socialization process..and despite what you think most secerously lack "life skills". They have never had a sibiling to fight/play/love; and I think it really harms their socialization. My Mothers partners daughter for example truely lacks basic social skills, doesn't understand boundries, and cannot create meaningful or lasting friendships. And this is something I see again and again with reguards to the only children I have cared for.

Although, for my childcare courses I did do a research project on only children and according to research they tend to be high achievers (because they are the sole recipiant of their parents attention/love/money/time etc). However, I don't think being a high acheiver will replace friendships or meaningful realtionships with others.
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Old 29.06.2010, 11:24
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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Hmm...I would give peeps more credit than that. People might just feel they don't need to justify their super personal choices in this very public space, publicity being the other side of "speaking up".

Just tune all of this out? If we were always worried about some no name opinion throwers, one ends up doing nothing...

You are a good mom, your kid will certainly have high quality life.

Having a larger family, in my opinion, is the best gift one can give to a child, BUT, that is my personal opinion, should be taken as such. There are innumerable perks of having a cute small family unit, trust me, hahaha...Uhm, like being able to gig a lot? Back to school for parents, more space to get along with a different culture, etc..Happy home is a happy home, no matter how many kids. One could definitely have unhappy home, full of kids, fo sho.

My kid hugged me today saying "I am still very very small, cuddle me, I am not big!". And I think if she had a sibbling, she would have to grow with the speed of light. But that's life, innit.
I am talking in general! Not on the forum, in the life, outside the screen. What we heard here is a reflexion of what we hear outside the screen too! Who cares what is the opinions here. But in reality, what it is said here it is also said outside! And it a reality.
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