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  #101  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:33
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

Little Princess™ will grow into a lovely, well adjusted young lady - with or without siblings. You are a good mother, Nil, and that is the single most important thing.

Whether you have no children, one child, 2.4 (plus picket fence and dog) or a whole quiver full - all that really counts is that you find a way to lead the life you wish to lead, have a little fun, meet the challenges thrown at you as best you can - and do a little good along the way.

How you go about that ain't nobody's bizniz but your own.
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  #102  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:48
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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Little Princess™ will grow into a lovely, well adjusted young lady - with or without siblings. You are a good mother, Nil, and that is the single most important thing.

Whether you have no children, one child, 2.4 (plus picket fence and dog) or a whole quiver full - all that really counts is that you find a way to lead the life you wish to lead, have a little fun, meet the challenges thrown at you as best you can - and do a little good along the way.

How you go about that ain't nobody's bizniz but your own.
Don't worry Sweety! I was thinking about it all because it is look like time goes by but mentality does't change much.

My mom had a second kid (me) because of the pressure of other people to have at least 2. And for childless parents and ''lonely'' child, the pressure still very present. And this is why I am asking it. To know how they cope with this ''pressure''. Many can't handle it, like my mom.

Many had a second kid because it was the good thing to do.
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  #103  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:49
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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I've cared for many only children; ... And to be honest most of these children seem to have real problems with the socialization process..and despite what you think most secerously lack "life skills". They have never had a sibiling to fight/play/love; and I think it really harms their socialization.
This was the point of my ETA in my last post. It's perfectly true that only children don't have that safe environment in which to learn social interactions and how to argue and defend themselves. Even now I'm really bad at arguments because I never learned the "it wasn't me, it was him/her" auto-denial because when it's one child against two adults, chances are it *was* you.But having said that, it *is* possible to learn most social skills, usually as an adult, it's just in the scary environment of the real world with no cushion.
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  #104  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:58
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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Don't worry Sweety! I was thinking about it all because it is look like time goes by but mentality does't change much.

My mom had a second kid (me) because of the pressure of other people to have at least 2. And for childless parents and ''lonely'' child, the pressure still very present. And this is why I am asking it. To know how they cope with this ''pressure''. Many can't handle it, like my mom.

Many had a second kid because it was the good thing to do.
Thanks to those other people Nil, or we wouldn't have you here.

Nevertheless, always listen to your heart and of course to your partner's too for decision like this. And even though some pressure make you do something else, you never know, the result might be delightful.

One more important thing, if ever you think of a second child, make sure that our little princess does not feel neglected by any chance.

Best of luck.

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  #105  
Old 29.06.2010, 10:59
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

Hmm... reading some of the posts, one would think that bringing up children is - pardon the pun - child's play.

The fact is that there are no hard and fast rules about 1 child vs. >1. There are many theories and studies about how a single child will have social skills A/B/C and not X/Y/Z, but inevitably a new study comes up to challenge the latest opinion, or show that multi-children will have skills D/E/F and not L/M/N.

It is equally possible that a single child with poor negotiation skills would have had poor negotiations skills if part of a multi-child family. I've seen as many self-confident "successful" single children as "failures". Likewise for children from multi-child families.

It's a bit like whether wine/coffee/chocolate is good or bad for you - every month a new study comes out saying the opposite of the last.
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  #106  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:02
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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This was the point of my ETA in my last post. It's perfectly true that only children don't have that safe environment in which to learn social interactions and how to argue and defend themselves. Even now I'm really bad at arguments because I never learned the "it wasn't me, it was him/her" auto-denial because when it's one child against two adults, chances are it *was* you.But having said that, it *is* possible to learn most social skills, usually as an adult, it's just in the scary environment of the real world with no cushion.
That's cute. But single kids are no better than others. Some kids might get away with "it was him/her" auto-denial, but let's not generalize again. It was never option for me and I am from multiple kids family. Some kids are taught not to lie, it is completely irrelevant how many siblings they have, they just consider it a sacred thing.

And honestly, shoving guilt automatically onto somebody else is not a noble skill to learn, good for you. In my opinion, kids learn how to argue well if there are grown ups who validate their arguments and judge fairly. I think it is more question of protecting oneself and learning how to verbally defend against idiots, but that is a skill maybe easier learned in a wider social group. Duno. I have friends who were never let to argue properly since it was always viewed as rude, to have a different opinion. So, culture comes in play as well. One needs to show a tiny bit of personal disobedience to disagree with majority and I think that bit is harder for a single child, since the child is always outnumbered by the grown ups.

ETA : I agree with Carlos, every theory has it's counter theory. We can't ever understand the reasons why people have more than one child. In fact, I tend to think so many kids are conceived...how do you put it diplomatically...in the heat of passion and love, without major analysis. Maybe it's the best way.
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  #107  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:06
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Re: Having more than 1 kid is a really bad idea because...

Having more kids doesn't mean your current child is going to have more 'good buddies' in the house. It doesn't always work out like that, as plenty of people can attest. Thinking your children will be 'best mates' is an assumption not a given.
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  #108  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:07
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

When I was young I used to dream of being an only child. My older sis jokes that she was switched in the nursery and in her "real" family, she was supposed to be an only child.

Meanwhile, I have some only-child friends who grew up wishing they'd had a sibling or ten. I think it is a "grass is greener" situation, for some folks at least.


We moved around a lot. It was pretty common for my older sis, my next-younger-brother and I to watch people around us when we arrived in a new place and only after a few months of starting a new school to make friends. We had the "advantage" of having each other sometimes at school (sis is about 2yr older, brother 3yr younger than I) and always at home so there wasn't any huge pressure to make friends.

On the other hand, I think we all also relied a bit much on each other for that companionship. I have a hard time holding onto friends I HAVE made after moving on because I have the safety net of my siblings. I think it is also because of this I tend to sort of "dance" with new friends for a while... sharing things and emotions sometimes, pulling back others, sometimes sharing too much, sometimes pulling back too far. With siblings, you know (in most cases) that no matter how much "too much" you share or how far "too far" you pull back, the next time they'll always be there. It's not the same with friends.

As much as only children may be a bit less advantaged in some way with regard to developing a large circle of friends, I think that many of them develop more meaningful relationships with the friends they make.


I have a friend who is one of two and also my two youngest siblings who spent their teen years with just the two together... in each case, the sibling rivalry is fierce. Although my older sis and I did tend to fight over clothes or boys in our teens, it was quite different from how my friend and her brother or how my youngest two siblings got on.

So, my estimation is that more than one may be good but unless you want three, you should stick to one because apparently two can be a nightmare.
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  #109  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:08
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Re: Having more than 1 kid is a really bad idea because...

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Having more kids doesn't mean your current child is going to have more 'good buddies' in the house. It doesn't always work out like that, as plenty of people can attest. Thinking your children will be 'best mates' is an assumption not a given.
true, but it equips them better for the cut and thrust of daily life
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  #110  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:08
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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Many had a second kid because it was the good thing to do.
That's an assumption based on your beliefs, not a fact.
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  #111  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:09
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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Hmm... reading some of the posts, one would think that bringing up children is - pardon the pun - child's play.

The fact is that there are no hard and fast rules about 1 child vs. >1. There are many theories and studies about how a single child will have social skills A/B/C and not X/Y/Z, but inevitably a new study comes up to challenge the latest opinion, or show that multi-children will have skills D/E/F and not L/M/N.

It is equally possible that a single child with poor negotiation skills would have had poor negotiations skills if part of a multi-child family. I've seen as many self-confident "successful" single children as "failures". Likewise for children from multi-child families.

It's a bit like whether wine/coffee/chocolate is good or bad for you - every month a new study comes out saying the opposite of the last.
Thank you Carlos.... I began to think I wasn't talking english and nobody could understand me... pfffiou!

This is what I am interested to know. I don't want to have a second kid. I am perfectly fine with it and happy too. I am not looking for opinion to how should or not used my uterus. I am curious on the subject because it does touch me but it is not just because it does touch me.

I grown up alone and I was often lonely. But in the same time, I believe it help me to developed my social skill because I had to make friends to play with. Because I had nobody to put fault on when I was naughty, I had to learn early to take responsability of my actions.

I do believe if the family is close, even if the kid doesn't have brother or sister, he can have his cousins to play with and learn.
Nowadays, we put kids in playgroups, childcare, activities.... if this doesn't develop social skills why we do it?
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  #112  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:10
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Re: Having more than 1 kid is a really bad idea because...

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true, but it equips them better for the cut and thrust of daily life
so we have a new reason now: you should have more kids so you can teach them how to deal with the annoying d**kheads they'll encounter in daily life.
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  #113  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:10
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Re: Having more than 1 kid is a really bad idea because...

Hi Nil,

I've merged these two threads - it's the same topic, both threads already contain a variety of viewpoints and there's really no way to keep them separate anyhow. Can't really expect someone to read a post on one thread and think, "oops, no, I disagree with this post so I'll go to the other thread now to voice my disagreement!"

Of course you're very welcome to ask for more opinions from one side or the other, but it should be kept to this thread, please. Thanks!

MN
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  #114  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:11
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Re: Having more than 1 kid is a really bad idea because...

Since I have no children I can not give an opinion, I do however have 3 siblings who I adore. We are three girls and a boy, who I pitty because we always sided against him when younger but we love him dearly.
I lvoed having siblings and even though we had some arguments (as is normal I think) my mother was always careful not to take sides (my dad is another story) but now that we have grown up we have someone we can confide in, we are very close.
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  #115  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:13
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Re: Having more than 1 kid is a really bad idea because...

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Having more kids doesn't mean your current child is going to have more 'good buddies' in the house. It doesn't always work out like that, as plenty of people can attest. Thinking your children will be 'best mates' is an assumption not a given.
Absolutely, I don't think anybody expects their kids to actually be eachothers best friends. Lovely, when it does work out that way...I have to say, it's great to have siblings who know me so well, are very envolved, who help out big time and love unconditionally. They are also a lot more straightforward, than most friends, since they know they can. It could have been a lot different.
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  #116  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:25
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Re: Having more than 1 kid is a really bad idea because...

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I don't have kids now, I want 3...I wonder if someone will want to 'make' 3 kids with me...but I really really want kids!
Ok. I think there ought to be a few rehearsals first, though. I'm free Thursday afternoon.

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I don't know..I've cared for many only children; and infact my Mothers partner had only one child. And to be honest most of these children seem to have real problems with the socialization process..and despite what you think most secerously lack "life skills". They have never had a sibiling to fight/play/love; and I think it really harms their socialization...
Perhaps it's because they were being raised by Nannies. May explain things.

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However, I don't think being a high acheiver will replace friendships or meaningful realtionships with others.
Thankfully, the world isn't so binary.
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  #117  
Old 29.06.2010, 11:57
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Re: Having more than 1 kid is a really bad idea because...

The oldest of for 4 is coming for a week with 3 rebels in tow to day;-) Now I have to go and look up or tie down WATS of some value to me.Would not wanna miss this for all the money in the world ;-)
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  #118  
Old 29.06.2010, 13:18
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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That's cute. But single kids are no better than others. Some kids might get away with "it was him/her" auto-denial, but let's not generalize again...

And honestly, shoving guilt automatically onto somebody else is not a noble skill to learn, good for you. In my opinion, kids learn how to argue well if there are grown ups who validate their arguments and judge fairly. I think it is more question of protecting oneself and learning how to verbally defend against idiots, but that is a skill maybe easier learned in a wider social group. Duno. I have friends who were never let to argue properly since it was always viewed as rude, to have a different opinion. So, culture comes in play as well. One needs to show a tiny bit of personal disobedience to disagree with majority and I think that bit is harder for a single child, since the child is always outnumbered by the grown ups.
The whole thread is a generalisation isn't it? In the circs it can only be a generalisation...

Nobody said either was better, but they are clearly very different environments in which to grow up which inevitably colour one's social interactions in later life. IMO only children never have that safe environment in which to learn (and test with equals) how to think on their feet to defend themselves (as one often needs to in a work situation); siblings may never learn the degree of self-reliance that onlies might take for granted. I do, however, think it's useful to recognise these traits in oneself and for parents to be aware of the possible traits so they can understand them better and possibly support their children in areas where the family situation might not automatically help them (and especially if a sibling parent has an only child or vice versa). No judgements - just things to think about
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  #119  
Old 29.06.2010, 14:06
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Re: Why 1 child is enough for you?

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The whole thread is a generalisation isn't it? In the circs it can only be a generalisation...

Nobody said either was better, but they are clearly very different environments in which to grow up which inevitably colour one's social interactions in later life. IMO only children never have that safe environment in which to learn (and test with equals) how to think on their feet to defend themselves (as one often needs to in a work situation); siblings may never learn the degree of self-reliance that onlies might take for granted. I do, however, think it's useful to recognise these traits in oneself and for parents to be aware of the possible traits so they can understand them better and possibly support their children in areas where the family situation might not automatically help them (and especially if a sibling parent has an only child or vice versa). No judgements - just things to think about
Oh yeah, we don't disagree..I am all for taking kids individually, though, since you may be blessed with a child that does not correspond at all to those expected stereotypes, self reliant kid from a multiple kid setting and a fearless single child. That was my whole point. Just because we know things might happen does not make them certain and I am tired of clinical approach towards the little ones.

I don't remember much defending myself against my brothers, we were not very competitive, but remember a lot of cooperation, since that's the spirit that was installed at home. I think home priorities can transfer irrespectively of the number of sprogs.

Besides I was never a big believer in conditioning, that sort of behaviorism, since it prevents a teacher from giving kids a lot of chance for their own uniqueness and negates their inner dispositions. I believe in conditioning pretty much based on example, kids do as they see, the sense of normality in childhood has a big imprint, imho.
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  #120  
Old 21.03.2011, 12:00
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Re: Having more than 1 kid is a really bad idea because...

The Carnage of One Nano!

So.. today in migros some "nice" lady gave Miss 2 One Nano. It was one that glows in the dark. For a variety of reasons, we dont have any of these "special" nanos.

So Master 5 spent the way home "teaching" Miss 2 about the merits of sharing, and how he doesnt mind "looking after" this one for her in his stash.
Tempers rising... as Miss 2 knows how to say "Nein! Meins!" very well..

Upon arriving home promptly at 11, in time for Miss 7 to get there (see rant on Swiss School system in another thread...) the first thing that happens is Master 5 informs Miss 7 about the news. However, true to form, Miss 2 has already lost said nano.

2 and a half desperate kids search through ageing cheese, lolly wrappers, other grime in the depths of the car, in the hope that Luxibus (name of nano in question) might be there.. to no avail.

Blame time.
Out come the water pistols (i thought i'd hidden them better than that(!) bloody granny and her hot ideas)

Threats of death in hot oil, shouting, screaming, hair pulling..

So.. on a glorious day like today, 2 kids are locked in their respective rooms for their own safety.





Now to search for that thread on where to find vallium in the good old CH of KA..
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