Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Off-Topic > Off-Topic > General off-topic  
View Poll Results: So how important is Marriage to you?
I strongly believe in it. 99 68.28%
It did not work out for me. 18 12.41%
I don't believe in marriages. 20 13.79%
we married to ease "visa work" and stay together 14 9.66%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 145. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 08.07.2010, 18:17
miss_bean's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Zurich
Posts: 525
Groaned at 3 Times in 3 Posts
Thanked 464 Times in 224 Posts
miss_bean has an excellent reputationmiss_bean has an excellent reputationmiss_bean has an excellent reputationmiss_bean has an excellent reputation
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?


If it's a tragic relationship of course such things don't mean much.But we were in relationship for 6 years before we got married and my experience is that I feel so happy now to be introduced as "his" wife rather than girlfriend. It gives me a sense of togetherness. Not sure if he feels the same though I am sure he does
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 08.07.2010, 19:34
m_dalloway's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Tokyo
Posts: 323
Groaned at 14 Times in 7 Posts
Thanked 363 Times in 170 Posts
m_dalloway has an excellent reputationm_dalloway has an excellent reputationm_dalloway has an excellent reputationm_dalloway has an excellent reputation
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

I'm happily married, love my husband to bits, but still think marriage is non-sense and should be avoided if possible.
(If the participants are not religious.)

The only reason why we decided to sign the papers was because we've been working on having children, and realized my better half will face a lot of hurdles as a father of illegitimate children. He won't even be able to bring the kids to a doctor's appointment, pick them up from school etc. without a ton of paper work provided.

Quote:
View Post
Heck... You never say it to your wife that "Im with you coz Im in a trap with you!"
I know you meant it as a light-hearted joke, but the grain of thruth in it is another big reason why I'm not in favour of marriage.

The main reason why I'm against marriage is though, that the male part of this contract really gets screwed in case of seperation, if he is financially much better off then his counterpart, even with a solid pre-nub.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 08.07.2010, 20:25
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Japan
Posts: 345
Groaned at 24 Times in 5 Posts
Thanked 538 Times in 226 Posts
Plau Deri has an excellent reputationPlau Deri has an excellent reputationPlau Deri has an excellent reputationPlau Deri has an excellent reputation
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

My wife and I wouldn't have been able to stay together without marriage and that "visa work" was the only reason, why I signed. I simply see no reason, why a government, or anyone for that matter, has any say in who I am "officially allowed to" hang out with, or who I am "entitled" to love.

We were lucky though, as it was good for the last 25 years and we got so comfortable with it, that we both wouldn't mind, if it lasted another 25, life expectancy permitting.

I'd marry her again, if we needed another visa
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 08.07.2010, 20:31
NotAllThere's Avatar
Modulo 2
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Baselland
Posts: 14,500
Groaned at 280 Times in 239 Posts
Thanked 21,737 Times in 8,818 Posts
NotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond repute
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Another reason for marriage is that it gives you next-of-kin rights with respect to your spouse. This can be very important in some countries, if there are problems in the relationship you have with your beloved's family.

It's interesting that marriage remains popular no matter the religiosity (or lack thereof) of the country. While 50% of marriages may end up in divorce, 50% don't, and of those that do, how many go on to remarry? As far as marriage being an "outdated institution" - that very much depends on how you go about it and massively varying cultural expections. The idea that it's just religious pressure is utter nonsense - especially as many states only recognise the civil part of the union.
__________________
Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 08.07.2010, 21:39
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Being married helped us through some rough spots early in our marriage - we moved the first year we were married, and it was difficult, then my father became ill and at one point, I really wanted to leave... not my husband, but the place where we were. But I stayed and I'm happier for it. Maybe I would have been just as committed without marriage, I don't know.

The US does not really recognize civil partnerships uniformly to any degree. So, for the purposes of my husband getting a green card and becoming a US citizen, and for us to share our resources, marriage was helpful. ALthough, my husband could have obtained a green card through his employer, it was just that much easier to do it via marriage. It was also helpful when we came here - without it I would not have my permit. So as long as society recognizes it in that way, we're better off married than not.

Is marriage necessary? It's a convenience in some ways. It makes society work better around us. Is it outdated? Maybe so, but I might be too lazy to be a trail blazer in this regard. I don't have a lot of divorced friends or relatives, and of those who are divorced, lots of them have jumped back in and are, for the most part happier the second time. I'd rather be with my husband than anyone else, so I'm glad I married him. Yes, I suppose I am a conformist.. although we did not marry in a church and we married without any intention of having children. We wanted to be together and this just made it easier.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 08.07.2010, 22:01
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: zurich
Posts: 12
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
wang984 has no particular reputation at present
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

So many people are strongly believe in Marriage, that is a good news.
Quote:
View Post
Marriage can be a beautiful thing when two people are committed to each other. It is an important institution to many religions/ Societies. I always believed in Marriages, I still do. (probably to do with my indian roots,as most of us still believe Marriages are made in heaven.)
It can be one of the most valuable things in life, though it's not neccesarily...neccesary.
I have lot of friends who arenít married but in committed, loving and successful relationships. Having someone you can always trust and be happy with is very important in life..

So what's your take on that?
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 08.07.2010, 22:11
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Marriage? I like it.

It changes things.

Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 08.07.2010, 22:12
economisto
 
Posts: n/a
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Quote:
Marriage? I like it.

It changes things.

Like what?
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 08.07.2010, 22:19
araqyl's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Zurich, West-side
Posts: 2,138
Groaned at 7 Times in 6 Posts
Thanked 1,287 Times in 681 Posts
araqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

One of my (many) thoughts on marriage: If you intend to live with somebody in a loving, caring relationship, why would you not get married? It is a way of publicly declaring your intention to continue a private agreement/arrangement, and a good excuse for your family and friends to party with you. Additionally, as others have said, it gives societal 'weight' to your relationship, in the event of death or other hardship: you get certain rights and concessions in terms of access to your spouse, such as their family not being able to 'cut you out' of any major decision regarding medical emergencies, for example ... I know some countries recognise 'de facto' relationships in similar ways, but I don't know of any country where a de facto/partner would have the same legal rights as a spouse.
Oh, and having a contract where you have both publicly agreed, before witnesses, to stick together "for better, for worse" makes it easier to struggle together through the hard times ... although I'm sure some, like Meatloaf, are "praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive ...". Not me, though - despite some hard times and friction, wouldn't be where I was now without this partnership.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 08.07.2010, 22:21
maconp11's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Houston
Posts: 141
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 44 Times in 31 Posts
maconp11 has earned some respectmaconp11 has earned some respect
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

My girlfriend and I got married. after a 7year relationship which was fine. Something changed. Quickly. We were divorced 7 months later. After 2 years apart, we are now friends (with benefits) I date, she dates, and everything is copacetic. I will never get married again.
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 08.07.2010, 22:25
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Quote:
View Post
Like what?
It's difficult to explain, and I wouldn't presume to speak for all men, but since My Learned Companion and I got married, I've seen her in a different light. She is more than 'my girlfriend': she is my life partner, the mother of our children (we hope), my rock, my comfort, my joy. I feel a deeper sense of responsibility for her than I ever did when she was 'my girlfriend': when I'm miserable at work, I'm conscious of the fact that I shall soon be responsible for supporting her; when I hate Switzerland, I'm conscious of the fact that I can't just bugger off back to Leicester and my old life down the Horse and Trumpet.

It's something that I never would have expected - and certainly had never expected as soon as this, the 'real' wedding not having taken place yet - but it is a deep, instinctive feeling. Suddenly I find myself being very protective towards her as we walk through the Niederdorf on a Friday evening, in a way that may have crossed my mind a month ago, but would never have manifested itself in such a testosterone driven, primordial way as it does now. Suddenly I find myself seeing her as more than just 'that bostin wench', but someone more important, more special: utterly unique.

As I said, it's hard to explain. But, for me, marriage changes things.


Last edited by Dougal's Breakfast; 08.07.2010 at 22:38.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 08.07.2010, 22:42
Ouchboy's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Baden
Posts: 3,324
Groaned at 58 Times in 47 Posts
Thanked 5,642 Times in 2,146 Posts
Ouchboy has a reputation beyond reputeOuchboy has a reputation beyond reputeOuchboy has a reputation beyond reputeOuchboy has a reputation beyond reputeOuchboy has a reputation beyond reputeOuchboy has a reputation beyond repute
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Quote:
It's difficult to explain, and I wouldn't presume to speak for all men, but since My Learned Companion and I got married, I've seen her in a different light. She is more than 'my girlfriend': she is my life partner, the mother of our children (we hope), my rock, my comfort, my joy. I feel a deeper sense of responsibility for her than I ever did when she was 'my girlfriend': when I'm miserable at work, I'm conscious of the fact that I shall soon be responsible for supporting her; when I hate Switzerland, I'm conscious of the fact that I can't just bugger off back to Leicester and my old life down the Horse and Trumpet.

It's something that I never would have expected - and certainly had never expected as soon as this, the 'real' wedding not having taken place yet - but it is a deep, instinctive feeling. Suddenly I find myself being very protective towards her as we walk through the Niederdorf on a Friday evening, in a way that may have crossed my mind a month ago, but would never have manifested itself in such a testosterone driven, primordial way as it does now. Suddenly I find myself seeing her as more than just 'that bostin wench', but someone more important, more special: utterly unique.

As I said, it's hard to explain. But, for me, marriage changes things.

Mathnut: Please stop using DB's account...
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 08.07.2010, 23:08
NotAllThere's Avatar
Modulo 2
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Baselland
Posts: 14,500
Groaned at 280 Times in 239 Posts
Thanked 21,737 Times in 8,818 Posts
NotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond repute
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Quote:
Marriage? I like it.

It changes things.

Quote:
View Post
Like what?
Like everything. A bit like when the first child arrives.

Actually, I haven't a clue. I married my first girlfriend, I was her first boyfriend. We didn't live together before we got married, though in some ways we did, since we were both in Halls at University. Still very happily married 20 years later (to each other). So, by experience, I've no idea what the difference is between living together and marriage. Just like those who've lived together and never married.

But people who've done both? They tell me there is a huge difference.

I've started introducing my wife to people as my "ex-girlfriend". It provokes interesting reactions... So it seems there is a difference between "wife" and "girlfriend". I've never liked "partner". That would imply that I'm somehow as good as her.
__________________
Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 08.07.2010, 23:51
Bartholemew's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: back in Zurich (but pining for Brussels periodically)
Posts: 894
Groaned at 5 Times in 5 Posts
Thanked 622 Times in 320 Posts
Bartholemew has a reputation beyond reputeBartholemew has a reputation beyond reputeBartholemew has a reputation beyond reputeBartholemew has a reputation beyond reputeBartholemew has a reputation beyond repute
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Very good point! It was a brief stay at the hospital for me which changed a lot of things in my mind and later, investments planned together with my boyfriend.

I haven't lost my belief in the institution of marriage altogether since my own split, as I see it working for many loved ones and friends around me. I also have a renewed respect for the rituals--be they overtly religious or not--involved in getting married.

But I'm also very skeptical that commitment and love have much to do with a piece of paper. I'm still linked to my now former husband in many ways, and will be for several more years. Less tangibly, we'll be connected for a lot longer than that (whether we like it or not). That, to me, is what marriage is about - after you take off your princess gear and clean up after the big party.

Quote:
View Post
Another reason for marriage is that it gives you next-of-kin rights with respect to your spouse. This can be very important in some countries, if there are problems in the relationship you have with your beloved's family.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 08.07.2010, 23:53
the_clangers's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: St. Louis, MO was St Prex, VD
Posts: 1,999
Groaned at 17 Times in 14 Posts
Thanked 1,185 Times in 697 Posts
the_clangers has a reputation beyond reputethe_clangers has a reputation beyond reputethe_clangers has a reputation beyond reputethe_clangers has a reputation beyond reputethe_clangers has a reputation beyond repute
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Quote:
View Post
By the way, Guys Just to clarify the fourth option :

It only means, I don't believe in marriages but had to marry for the ease of staying together! Sometimes Marriage is the only way to bring your partner to the country and stay together.
I would thank you if I could in this topic location.

My wife and I have been married for more than 20 years but we originally married because she could not work legally until she was a Green Card holder.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 08.07.2010, 23:59
Nev
 
Posts: n/a
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

On a subjective level I think it's all in the head. In terms of providing a framework for commitment and a stable relationship...cohabitation works well enough for some...nothing short of marriage works for others. Neither provides guarantees. Neither has the monopoly on love.

On an objective level...you can't put cohabitation and marriage on equal footing until both have equality in law and the society in which you happen to live....for the partners and the kids. Sadly right now, in varying degrees and depending on where you live in world, they don't. So I can see why some folks put a premium on marriage.

On a personal level, it's important to me. Best thing I ever did. And the older I get, the more I realise it.
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 09.07.2010, 00:06
Meisie's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Amriswil - Thurgau
Posts: 1,691
Groaned at 3 Times in 3 Posts
Thanked 1,262 Times in 584 Posts
Meisie has a reputation beyond reputeMeisie has a reputation beyond reputeMeisie has a reputation beyond reputeMeisie has a reputation beyond reputeMeisie has a reputation beyond reputeMeisie has a reputation beyond repute
So how important is Marriage to you?

I love this thread! It feels good to know that there are others out there like me who also got married just for the spouse to be able to work legally.

I feel truly blessed to be married to my wonderful husband. I'm so glad I was able to snatch him up and that he is mine! I'm happy that it will be difficult for him to get rid of me cause without marriage it would be too easy for him to just break up with me

Last edited by Meisie; 09.07.2010 at 00:24. Reason: Change text
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 09.07.2010, 01:08
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: -
Posts: 1,640
Groaned at 26 Times in 22 Posts
Thanked 2,932 Times in 1,202 Posts
Russkov has a reputation beyond reputeRusskov has a reputation beyond reputeRusskov has a reputation beyond reputeRusskov has a reputation beyond reputeRusskov has a reputation beyond reputeRusskov has a reputation beyond repute
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Quote:
View Post
I feel truly blessed to be married to my wonderful husband. I'm so glad I was able to snatch him up and that he is mine! I'm happy that it will be difficult for him to get rid of me cause without marriage it would be too easy for him to just break up with me
This is kind of evil and sad at the same time.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 09.07.2010, 03:47
Peg A's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Basel
Posts: 4,422
Groaned at 158 Times in 125 Posts
Thanked 5,428 Times in 2,510 Posts
Peg A has a reputation beyond reputePeg A has a reputation beyond reputePeg A has a reputation beyond reputePeg A has a reputation beyond reputePeg A has a reputation beyond reputePeg A has a reputation beyond repute
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

I have a strong belief in marriage. My grandparents were all married until "death do us part" - and only one grandfather has passed so I've seen (in between moves) a lot of the meaning of such commitment.

My own parents were married for 30+ years, unfortunately temptation hit at a bad time for my father but I still believe (perhaps silly of me) that if my parents were to spend time around each other, they'd be back together.


So far as my husband and I go, because of the way we met, if we wanted to have a chance to really spend (non vacation) time together and get to know each other in a living-our-life type way, we HAD to get married. We lived on opposite sides of the Atlantic at the time. We had done a lot of visiting back and forth but being able to be together was made much easier by getting that bit of paperwork done.

Even with the ups and downs we've had, I love him as much now as the first time he came to Florida to "meet" me. Even though the paperwork was done to ease things along, I'm very glad we did it. ♥
__________________
The Joys of Opticianry
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 09.07.2010, 07:05
araqyl's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Zurich, West-side
Posts: 2,138
Groaned at 7 Times in 6 Posts
Thanked 1,287 Times in 681 Posts
araqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Another point: love.

Love is a verb, not a noun. Airy-fairy feelings that make you weak at the knee are not love. Deal with it.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
marriage, relationships




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
important: Heatwave in CH MrVertigo Family matters/health 122 11.07.2010 12:50
How important are Metatags? portsmouth68 General off-topic 5 10.12.2009 13:55


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 08:41.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0