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View Poll Results: So how important is Marriage to you?
I strongly believe in it. 99 68.28%
It did not work out for me. 18 12.41%
I don't believe in marriages. 20 13.79%
we married to ease "visa work" and stay together 14 9.66%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 145. You may not vote on this poll

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  #41  
Old 09.07.2010, 07:42
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

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Love is a verb, not a noun. Airy-fairy feelings that make you weak at the knee are not love.
Amazing how you can make a statement in one breath and contradict it in the next
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  #42  
Old 09.07.2010, 09:20
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

I was a believer in marriage but not now. I think going through the process of a divorce makes you realise that 'Happy Ever After' is not validated by a piece of paper.

I would not marry again, whilst it can be a supportive, nourishing environment in whoch to create relationships and family I also think it can be claustrophbic and getting trapped in a bad marriage can be soul destroying for all concerned.

A relationship bound by respect and trust does not need a marriage certificate, in fact, my view now is that without a piece of paper maybe couples try harder to make things work well?
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  #43  
Old 09.07.2010, 09:50
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

i think the paper issue is just the legal formality, the actual practical idea of marriage , as in being with one partner , fathering and mothering together to the exclusion of all others is absolutely fantastic and would recommend it any day.
anything else is just a poor imitation and not worth the paper its not written on.
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  #44  
Old 09.07.2010, 09:55
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Voted *strongly believe* but need to write some more.

Marriage is an act of faith where you promise to the other to take care of him/her before God's face whatever can happen.

That what marriage is for me.

Everything else is fake.
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  #45  
Old 09.07.2010, 09:58
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

I think it's something you need to experience in order to really decide if it's the right thing for you or not.

Kind of like botox.
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  #46  
Old 09.07.2010, 10:15
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

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I love this thread! It feels good to know that there are others out there like me who also got married just for the spouse to be able to work legally.

I feel truly blessed to be married to my wonderful husband. I'm so glad I was able to snatch him up and that he is mine! I'm happy that it will be difficult for him to get rid of me cause without marriage it would be too easy for him to just break up with me
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Like everything. A bit like when the first child arrives.

Actually, I haven't a clue. I married my first girlfriend, I was her first boyfriend. We didn't live together before we got married, though in some ways we did, since we were both in Halls at University. Still very happily married 20 years later (to each other). So, by experience, I've no idea what the difference is between living together and marriage. Just like those who've lived together and never married.

But people who've done both? They tell me there is a huge difference.

I've started introducing my wife to people as my "ex-girlfriend". It provokes interesting reactions... So it seems there is a difference between "wife" and "girlfriend". I've never liked "partner". That would imply that I'm somehow as good as her.
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It's difficult to explain, and I wouldn't presume to speak for all men, but since My Learned Companion and I got married, I've seen her in a different light. She is more than 'my girlfriend': she is my life partner, the mother of our children (we hope), my rock, my comfort, my joy. I feel a deeper sense of responsibility for her than I ever did when she was 'my girlfriend': when I'm miserable at work, I'm conscious of the fact that I shall soon be responsible for supporting her; when I hate Switzerland, I'm conscious of the fact that I can't just bugger off back to Leicester and my old life down the Horse and Trumpet.



Awww so sweet, Amazing replies all.Thank you for sharing!! I m just multiquoting few
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  #47  
Old 09.07.2010, 10:51
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

I'll throw in my experience. I got married after 6 years of co-habitation. I was the kind of girl who didn't care about marriage, never planned my wedding when I was a kid and generally thought it wouldn't make a difference. We knew we would be together so why marryi? But then we did and everyone said - it's just the same, right? No it wasn't. It was unexplainable but felt more committed, fulfilling and fun. Like it was the next new adventure and we were in it together no matter what. Maybe psychologically it helps some people even if they have no idea that it will. We still slip up and call each other boyfriend and girlfriend every now and then. It is very important to keep working at it every day and keep it fresh. Marriage is for life - 30, 40, 50 years or whatever after the wedding day, so think about that.
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  #48  
Old 09.07.2010, 11:10
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

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Like what?
You tax status....

You end up paying less of it so it cannot be all bad....

(Pity about the people I know who got married for that very reason and ended up getting divorced!!)
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  #49  
Old 09.07.2010, 11:24
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

A quote from Jim Carrey's "Yes Man"

Peter: ... You only get married once.
Carl: Well, I certainly wouldn't do it again.

But some poeple seems to be addicted ...
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  #50  
Old 09.07.2010, 11:28
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

Actually, all of the options have been applicable at some point in my life or other. It needs another one, my doctor says if I do it again it could kill me.
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  #51  
Old 09.07.2010, 11:44
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

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An outdated institution that has no place in modern society.
I wouldn't go that far, but Marriage in my mind is irrelevant. The important thing is finding the right person and staying together for the right reasons. A piece of paper is just a piece of paper (so you can give me all yours that have numbers on )

I would much prefer my girlfriend/partner call her what you will, to come home everyday because she wants to, not just because she feels she has to.

Because somebody is divorced (as I am) doesn't mean they are evil/unreliable/not trustworthy etc. I am all of these, but not because of my marriage status. (slight tongue in check...)
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  #52  
Old 09.07.2010, 13:32
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

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...
On an objective level...you can't put cohabitation and marriage on equal footing until both have equality in law and the society in which you happen to live...D
I'm a bit puzzled by this. How do you put cohabitation and marriage on an equal footing in law? The only way I can think of would be to register your cohabitation in front of witnesses - which is what marriage is, isn't it?

Or would you prefer a system where you're married if you say you are. Which used to be the system in Scotland, and the perniciousness of it the subject of a Wilkie Collins novel "Man and Wife".
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  #53  
Old 09.07.2010, 14:23
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

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I'm a bit puzzled by this. How do you put cohabitation and marriage on an equal footing in law? The only way I can think of would be to register your cohabitation in front of witnesses - which is what marriage is, isn't it?

Or would you prefer a system where you're married if you say you are. Which used to be the system in Scotland, and the perniciousness of it the subject of a Wilkie Collins novel "Man and Wife".
You ask a good question. On the one hand a registered civil partnership is very much like a registered civil wedding. On the other hand a system which relies on verbal assent will always be open to challenge and abuse.

There is third way which has often been proposed...one which relies on contractual agreement where the parties agree they are in a relationship and agree how assets/custody will be treated when that relationship ends (either because one partner decides to leave or dies). it's important to recognise here that the relationship itself isn't formalised by any contract, ceremony or registration so no ceremony, proceedings or registration are needed to enter into the relationship or dissolve it. But the contract acknowledges the relationship exists and explains how the parties want to be treated before the law when the relationship ends. A bit like a pre-nup. It's just one step on then for tax, welfare and immigration authorities to give people in contractual relationships equality with married people.
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  #54  
Old 09.07.2010, 14:40
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

The parties agree they're in a relationship in a contractual agreement. Sounds to me very much like the the contract formalises the relationship! And given that it will need to be witnessed, and that there will have to be some kind of framework to prevent abuses, and some kind of legal document, so that the tax, welfare and immigration etc. can be sure that all is above board... you're back at marriage again.

Set up slightly differently from the way it's currently done, but definitely, and recognisably "marriage".
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  #55  
Old 09.07.2010, 15:24
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

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The parties agree they're in a relationship in a contractual agreement. Sounds to me very much like the the contract formalises the relationship!
No, the contract merely acknowledges the relationship exists but the relationship itself isn't contractual. So, unlike a marriage, either party is free to unilaterally terminate the relationship and walk out. No proceedings, legal or otherwise are necessary. And unlike betrothals in the old days, because the relationship isn't contractual, breaking it up isn't a breach of contract either.

In fact the contract would do nothing to establish or regulate the relationship itself. It would deal with the division of property, custody of children and financial support when the cohabitation ends.
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  #56  
Old 09.07.2010, 15:31
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

I rather like the implicit definition that some Muslims adhere to - the marriage for a limited time period - it allows couples to have sex without moral repurcussions and provides a legal framework should there be offspring from this union. Far more practical than most Christian interpretations.
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  #57  
Old 09.07.2010, 18:20
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

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It would deal with the division of property, custody of children and financial support when the cohabitation ends.
And it could be done between any number of participants of any gender.
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  #58  
Old 09.07.2010, 18:25
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

It is an even bigger contingent liability
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  #59  
Old 09.07.2010, 19:01
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

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No, the contract merely acknowledges the relationship exists but the relationship itself isn't contractual. So, unlike a marriage, either party is free to unilaterally terminate the relationship and walk out. No proceedings, legal or otherwise are necessary. And unlike betrothals in the old days, because the relationship isn't contractual, breaking it up isn't a breach of contract either.

In fact the contract would do nothing to establish or regulate the relationship itself. It would deal with the division of property, custody of children and financial support when the cohabitation ends.
And then one party to the contract feels hard done by, and her/his lawyer start arguing over what the various terms of the contract mean.

Sorry - still sounds like marriage and divorce to me. The only difference I can see to the current situation, is that currently, it is marriage and divorce law - applicable to everyone - which stipulates the "contract" terms. And part of the reason for that is to prevent abuse, unfair contracts and all that.
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  #60  
Old 09.07.2010, 22:29
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Re: So how important is Marriage to you?

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Sorry - still sounds like marriage and divorce to me.
Done my best to explain why it isn't. Clearly my best isn't good enough


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And then one party to the contract feels hard done by, and her/his lawyer start arguing over what the various terms of the contract mean.
True, but you can't take the "law" out of "Equality before the law"

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The only difference I can see to the current situation, is that currently, it is marriage and divorce law - applicable to everyone - which stipulates the "contract" terms.
But that difference is a big difference. As you say, in the case of marriage/divorce the legislative/judicial system dictate your rights and obligations. In contract law, the contracting parties themselves decide, subject always to unenforceability laws relating to unfairness, coercion etc
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