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  #81  
Old 28.08.2021, 10:52
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

Lots of good advise.
Having dealt with something similar in the past, my 02 cents.
Get Legal Insurance pronto.......will help with false accusations which may follow....
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  #82  
Old 28.08.2021, 12:42
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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Lots of good advise.
Having dealt with something similar in the past, my 02 cents.
Get Legal Insurance pronto.......will help with false accusations which may follow....

Legal insurance usually has a waiting period of 3-6 months, and may not apply retrospectively.
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  #83  
Old 28.08.2021, 21:16
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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For every Assange, there are a 100 examples of men continuing to get away with misogynistic shit.
I think most men who believe that society is now 'gynocentric' are still coming to terms with people challenging the age old belief that patriarchy ( and all the other crap associated with it ) is ordained by god.
Show some data mate
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  #84  
Old 28.08.2021, 21:17
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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Julian Assange is your fallacious straw man? is it difficult to understand that a person can consent to having sex once, and then not give consent again?

In 2010, Assange allegedly sexually assaulted 2 women in Stockholm, one of whom woke up to find him having unprotected non-consensual sex with her.

His 7 - 8 year confinement was where he holed up at the Ecuadorian embassy to avoid extradition from the UK to Sweden, because he was afraid that he would then be extradited to the US to face charges relating to WikiLeaks.

Swedish prosecutors dropped the investigation, as they saw no prospect of prosecuting him, then reopened the case when he was removed from the Ecuadorian embassy.

He's still in Belmarsh.
Swedish prosecutors dropped the investigation as they saw no prospect of prosecution him ?

Are you serious at all ?



The whole case is a charade.

Man's life is wrecked and destroyed. Who is going to pay for his mental health problems ?
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  #85  
Old 04.09.2021, 08:51
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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OP, how are you, and have you managed to take any decisions, and restore your safety? I hope so.
Unfortunately I was reeled back into another few days of the good times...which obviously ended with another period of abusive behaviour.

Yesterday morning I found an opportunity to take back the key to my flat, this coupled with a minor disagreement over who would shower first ended with her; swinging two punches at me, digging her nails into my arm, spitting in my face twice, and screaming at the top of her voice. At this point I phoned 112, I spoke with the operator in English and the police were dispatched. The police arrived within 15 minutes, I explained the scenario and the most recent events, they took a photo of the light claw marks on my arm, asked if I would like to press charges, and then proceeded in questioning the girl.

The police were patient with both sides, and explained to the girl that she had no right to reside in my flat, they made a few suggestions on her housing situation, and we agreed that she would leave immediately and return in the evening to pack up her belongings and vacate the property.

She returned in the evening as agreed, packed up her belongings, I booked her 5 nights in a basic serviced apartment, and she left for good.

In retrospect I should have phoned the police the first time she spat in my face, but I had no idea how to deal with the emergency services in Switzerland, and I wasn't sure how well speaking in English would be received.
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  #86  
Old 04.09.2021, 08:54
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

Wow!
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Old 04.09.2021, 08:55
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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Unfortunately I was reeled back into another few days of the good times...which obviously ended with another period of abusive behaviour.

Yesterday morning I found an opportunity to take back the key to my flat, this coupled with a minor disagreement over who would shower first ended with her; swinging two punches at me, digging her nails into my arm, spitting in my face twice, and screaming at the top of her voice. At this point I phoned 112, I spoke with the operator in English and the police were dispatched. The police arrived within 15 minutes, I explained the scenario and the most recent events, they took a photo of the light claw marks on my arm, asked if I would like to press charges, and then proceeded in questioning the girl.

The police were patient with both sides, and explained to the girl that she had no right to reside in my flat, they made a few suggestions on her housing situation, and we agreed that she would leave immediately and return in the evening to pack up her belongings and vacate the property.

She returned in the evening as agreed, packed up her belongings, I booked her 5 nights in a basic serviced apartment, and she left for good.

In retrospect I should have phoned the police the first time she spat in my face, but I had no idea how to deal with the emergency services in Switzerland, and I wasn't sure how well speaking in English would be received.
Great news. And now back onto Tinder.
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  #88  
Old 04.09.2021, 09:04
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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Unfortunately I was reeled back into another few days of the good times...which obviously ended with another period of abusive behaviour.

Yesterday morning I found an opportunity to take back the key to my flat, this coupled with a minor disagreement over who would shower first ended with her; swinging two punches at me, digging her nails into my arm, spitting in my face twice, and screaming at the top of her voice. At this point I phoned 112, I spoke with the operator in English and the police were dispatched. The police arrived within 15 minutes, I explained the scenario and the most recent events, they took a photo of the light claw marks on my arm, asked if I would like to press charges, and then proceeded in questioning the girl.

The police were patient with both sides, and explained to the girl that she had no right to reside in my flat, they made a few suggestions on her housing situation, and we agreed that she would leave immediately and return in the evening to pack up her belongings and vacate the property.

She returned in the evening as agreed, packed up her belongings, I booked her 5 nights in a basic serviced apartment, and she left for good.

In retrospect I should have phoned the police the first time she spat in my face, but I had no idea how to deal with the emergency services in Switzerland, and I wasn't sure how well speaking in English would be received.
Thanks for confirming that calling the police was the right outcome, it's genuinely helpful for anyone who gets in the same situation. I would love to say that next tine you will be a little wiser in choosing reasons for people to move in with you... but judging from your last post I'm not so sure.

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Despite the temptations, none of these nuclear options like throwing her onto the street with her possessions, or surreptitiously changing the locks, are practical or reasonable.

The only realistic option IMO is to engage with helping her find another apartment. If she's parked at your place free of charge then she doesn't have much incentive to find somewhere else in a hurry, so you need to get on the case too. Check Homegate.ch every day, and the other property rental sites. Make appointments for her to view. And if there's nothing in her price range, she will have to accept that she needs to change her criteria. By restricting her horizons to finding a (probably) non-existent nice apartment in the city for a low rent, she is essentially scheming to stay at your place indefinitely.

There's no god-given right to insist on living in central Zurich for little or no rent so you should extend the search slightly out of the city. Loads of us live along the lakeside and it takes only 20 minutes or less to get into Zurich by train from most popular towns.

As someone said, the other more drastic path might be to go to the police and/or the Gemeinde to get some advice and understand your options.
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Characteristically sympathetic EF treatment of someone in distress and seeking help.
These comments aged well!
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  #89  
Old 04.09.2021, 11:22
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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Thanks for confirming that calling the police was the right outcome, it's genuinely helpful for anyone who gets in the same situation. I would love to say that next tine you will be a little wiser in choosing reasons for people to move in with you... but judging from your last post I'm not so sure.





These comments aged well!
I was hoping that they would close this thread before you got your ‘told you so’ rubbish in to excuse your unsympathetic tones originally towards someone whose kindness makes them a little vulnerable… oh well
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Old 04.09.2021, 11:37
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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For every Assange, there are a 100 examples of men continuing to get away with misogynistic shit.
I think most men who believe that society is now 'gynocentric' are still coming to terms with people challenging the age old belief that patriarchy ( and all the other crap associated with it ) is ordained by god.
People who believe that society is gynocentric are quite sad and inadequate. As are those people who bang on about the patriarchy.

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Great news. And now back onto Tinder.
To find the next nutter.
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  #91  
Old 04.09.2021, 13:56
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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In retrospect I should have phoned the police the first time she spat in my face, but I had no idea how to deal with the emergency services in Switzerland, and I wasn't sure how well speaking in English would be received.
Any kind of physical attack should be an immediate gamestopper, same for heavy verbal abuse. It's your job to protect yourself, to keep your self-respect, and it's the only way with at least marginal probability to make abusers change.

There's one more thing to consider though.
From your 1st post: "After about a week she mentioned being in-between flat rentals"
The outcome: "I booked her 5 nights in a basic serviced apartment"

Connect the dots.
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  #92  
Old 04.09.2021, 14:04
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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Unfortunately I was reeled back into another few days of the good times...which obviously ended with another period of abusive behaviour.

Yesterday morning I found an opportunity to take back the key to my flat, this coupled with a minor disagreement over who would shower first ended with her; swinging two punches at me, digging her nails into my arm, spitting in my face twice, and screaming at the top of her voice. At this point I phoned 112, I spoke with the operator in English and the police were dispatched. The police arrived within 15 minutes, I explained the scenario and the most recent events, they took a photo of the light claw marks on my arm, asked if I would like to press charges, and then proceeded in questioning the girl.

The police were patient with both sides, and explained to the girl that she had no right to reside in my flat, they made a few suggestions on her housing situation, and we agreed that she would leave immediately and return in the evening to pack up her belongings and vacate the property.

She returned in the evening as agreed, packed up her belongings, I booked her 5 nights in a basic serviced apartment, and she left for good.

In retrospect I should have phoned the police the first time she spat in my face, but I had no idea how to deal with the emergency services in Switzerland, and I wasn't sure how well speaking in English would be received.

I think this misses self-analysis, that'd be important for you to work on, in order to not repeat this in future. It feels like you still see yourself as a victim of circumstances, as opposed to someone who made poor choices that you could avoid in future. I'd suggest you need to get to the bottom of the role you willingly played here, which started long before there was conflict (again, just to try to avoid things like this in future). The questions I think require some work are:
  1. Why did you welcome this stranger into your home?
  2. What's going on in your life and mindset, that you thought moving this stranger into your home would be a good idea?
  3. Why didn't you have safeguards in place, guiding you?
We all have stuff to work through (me, you, her, everyone here posting), so you're not alone in having stuff to improve "next time".

Last edited by CliiniMuus; 04.09.2021 at 15:01.
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  #93  
Old 04.09.2021, 14:57
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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  1. Why did you welcome this stranger into your home?
  2. What's going on in your life and mindset, that you thought moving this stranger into your home would be a good idea?
  3. Why didn't you have safeguards in place, guiding you?
We all have stuff to work through (he, you, her, everyone here posting), so you're not alone in having stuff to improve "next time".
They are kind of silly questions to be fair. How else do you hook up with the opposite sex ?

You meet someone, want to continue, invite them or yourself to your/her apartment have good time together, want to see each other again and again, and here it goes.

I did something similar in past as well (not via Tinder tho), luckily didn't meet a psycho.
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Old 04.09.2021, 14:57
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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the outcome: "i booked her 5 nights in a basic serviced apartment"

connect the dots.
next????
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  #95  
Old 04.09.2021, 15:06
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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They are kind of silly questions to be fair. How else do you hook up with the opposite sex ?

You meet someone, want to continue, invite them or yourself to your/her apartment have good time together, want to see each other again and again, and here it goes.

I did something similar in past as well (not via Tinder tho), luckily didn't meet a psycho.

What does "hook up" mean please? I don't invite anyone into my home, nor go to their home, til there's some trust established, til I know there are enough safeguards in place to feel confident I could get myself out of a dangerous situation, and til I feel their behaviour around others is of a decent enough standard, that I wouldn't need to keep an eye on them for them to treat others kindly.
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  #96  
Old 04.09.2021, 15:20
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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Unfortunately I was reeled back into another few days of the good times...which obviously ended with another period of abusive behaviour.

Yesterday morning I found an opportunity to take back the key to my flat, this coupled with a minor disagreement over who would shower first ended with her; swinging two punches at me, digging her nails into my arm, spitting in my face twice, and screaming at the top of her voice. At this point I phoned 112, I spoke with the operator in English and the police were dispatched. The police arrived within 15 minutes, I explained the scenario and the most recent events, they took a photo of the light claw marks on my arm, asked if I would like to press charges, and then proceeded in questioning the girl.

The police were patient with both sides, and explained to the girl that she had no right to reside in my flat, they made a few suggestions on her housing situation, and we agreed that she would leave immediately and return in the evening to pack up her belongings and vacate the property.

She returned in the evening as agreed, packed up her belongings, I booked her 5 nights in a basic serviced apartment, and she left for good.

In retrospect I should have phoned the police the first time she spat in my face, but I had no idea how to deal with the emergency services in Switzerland, and I wasn't sure how well speaking in English would be received.
Thanks for getting back to us know; useful for anyone else who might ever find themselves in that difficult situation of being the victim of verbal, physical or sexual abuse.

Wow, that sounds just awful! Her "swinging two punches at me, digging her nails into my arm, spitting in my face twice, and screaming at the top of her voice": no-one, anywhere, ever, should be subject to that kind of abuse. That's horrible, and I am sorry that was done to you.

Relieved to know, though, that the police responded quickly, and that she is out of your apartment, and that you have your key back.
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  #97  
Old 04.09.2021, 15:22
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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next????
well if there is no more of

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Unfortunately I was reeled back into another few days of the good times...
that's probably it.

Putting into the Tinder profile: "Nur Frauen mit festem Wohnsitz" (only woman with permanent abode) might be a good idea.
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Old 04.09.2021, 15:31
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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What does "hook up" mean please? I don't invite anyone into my home, nor go to their home, til there's some trust established, til I know there are enough safeguards in place to feel confident I could get myself out of a dangerous situation, and til I feel their behaviour around others is of a decent enough standard, that I wouldn't need to keep an eye on them for them to treat others kindly.
To have sex after spending some time together. This is what human beings do.
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Old 04.09.2021, 15:36
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

Of course, you have to decide what you'll do, for yourself. If I were in that situation I would absolutely and uncompromisingly block that person from every part of my life.

While you still know where she is, in these 5 days while she is staying in accommodation you booked for her, I recommend that you issue a Hausverbot. This is a written document, to be delivered to her, stating that she may not come to your home. Never again, under any circumstances. It states the reason (formulated factually, not emotionally): because
  • you spat in my face repeatedly on at least DATE, DATE and DATE
  • you hit me on DATE and DATE, and also
  • you did not leave my apartment, even though I asked you to leave on at least DATE, DATE and DATE,
  • on DATE you punched me, spat in my face and scratched me, so that I called the police for urgent help, and they came to my home and took photos of what you had done,
  • you left only when I called the police.

I would include, in that document, that:
  • she may not contact you by phone, mail, post, nor social media, nor in any other way at all, ever;
  • she may not send you a message through a third party,
  • she is forbidden from coming anywhere where you work and from trying to contact you there,
  • she is not allowed to speak to you in any place, including any public place,
  • were she ever to encounter you, at any place, she is to maintain at least 100m from you;
and that
  • this prohibition is permanent and irrevocable,
  • you reserve the right, were she ever to contravene any of these restrictions, to involve the police and the law.
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Old 04.09.2021, 16:47
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

And no amount of virtue signaling is going to get you a date...

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I think it is patently clear that anyone who says we live in a 'gynocentric world', despite humanity having suffered (and still suffering from) untold millennia of patriarchal rule where women are routinely abused and suppressed, is an abject moron. We are still very much in a heavily male-dominated world and equality is still far, far from being achieved on a global scale, so just leave sch people who say that kind of thing to their own delusions. All such illogical blanket statements like that simply stem from an individuals own fears and insecurities with regards to the opposite sex, and on this forum we have some particular examples of lame-assed misogynists.
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