Hi All,

I've found myself in a bit of a pickle and I would welcome any advice you might have.

I met a girl through a dating platform 6 weeks ago, we shared an intense couple of days together and seemingly bonded very quickly. After about a week she mentioned being in-between flat rentals, I spent a lot of time alone during the pandemic, so I foolishly agreed to letting her move in with me temporarily while she continued searching for a new flat.

To cut a long story short, it's now been 6 weeks, half of the time we have spent together has been pleasant, and the other half of the time I have been subjected to; verbal abuse, harassment over a non-existent girlfriend, and a couple of episodes where she has repeatedly spat in my face. It has got to the point where I can't go to work or socialise with friends without coming home to accusations and harassment.

I have asked her to leave multiple times but she claims to have no where to go, she isn't registered at my flat with the Gemeinde, and there is no sublease contract. I'm at a complete loss as to what to do with her, any advice would be appreciated.

If this is real: wow.


Either way, reasoning seems not to be working. Next time she's out you'll have to change the locks. She'll probably be smart enough to never leave without the keys.


Good luck, keep us updated (grabs popcorn)

Sorry can't help much, but once she is out and it's all over, could you post a photo of her ?

That's why you shouldn't move in with someone after just a couple of dates ;-)

Short of changing the locks and/or hiding the key, I'm not really sure what you can do in this instance.

Maybe give her 1-2 weeks to pack her belongings and find a new place? After that, contact the Gemeinde for advice? You could also tell her that she is not allowed to live in your apartment because her name is not on the lease, and I assume she is not paying any rent?

Take her key and hide it when you have chance, push her out of the door then chuck her stuff out of the window

First post and a story like this? Pull the other one...

Not obviously a dupe account, then only 1 post has been made & nobody shares the IP address. Definitely not posted from McDonald's or Starbucks !

Not like you to be so cynical, Tom. You know you’re better than that!
This is certainly not an unusual development of a steamy online hook up. Often experienced it myself. It can be quite vexing and lead to serious logistical issues. For instance, while I’m already tiring of my current live-in homeless waif, the intermediate storage area (dungeon) is still occupied with the previous contender…

Can you record the conversations then host the audio recording and give us a link?
Maybe her attitude is good, I think some of us are way too nice and that's counterproductive so this can be quite usefull to listen and learn how to be a bad one .

She isn't paying any rent, and I've already given her the 1-2 weeks to find a place, I understand it's difficult to find a place in Zürich and this is why I'm at a complete loss as to what to do.

I know it's unbelievable, for this reason I left out the part where she tested positive for covid and had to self isolate for 10 days...this forum has come up a few times in my Google searches related to Switzerland so I thought I would give it a go.

The second layer, so what you're saying is how I can come in at your place and never leave?

I think if this happened to me , once the person goes to the shop, pharmacy,doctor, kebab, I'd take their bags out close the door and lock the door.

The guest does not have your spare key do they? If that's the case, I'd spend 500CHF and change the lock . Or get the police involved.
She is not on the rent contract.. so be a man and kick her out ))

A slightly more gentlemanly option would be to invite her out for dinner to talk about the situation and tell her why you want her out. Whilst that is happening a friend goes to your appartment, changes the locks, packs her stuff and then takes it to a hotel room which has been paid for 2 days.

At the end of your dinner you tell her that she has been moved out, her key won't work and she has 2 days to find somewhere else. Its less confrontational and jarring than the other option.

Good luck!

You have to get rid of her - fast. The whole thing so far appears to have been planned by her but the problem is that you don't know what she has got planned for you next...

I'm surprised no one's suggested calling the police. Since you've asked her to leave several times and she's refused, she's trespassing as well as being physically abusive.

Assuming this isn't a troll post then you are a being a bit of a big wet blanket. If she is now effectively invading your home and trespassing then either physically remove her from the apartment and throw out all of her stuff... or if you worried she will be too violent to handle then call the police and have them remove her.

Unless you are going to marry [or adopt] her, then call the police and let them deal with it. An unwelcome guest is a trespasser, you have all rights to ask her to leave and use a law enforcement to make it happen.

Based on your description there is no merit in keeping this relationship. There might be a couple of premises in use to manipulate you into letting her stay, but they are, most likely, false. There are people enjoying and even addicted to emotional swings, or people with a Messiah complex spectrum, or some sort of sexual fixation or whatever else making them keep the abusive and stressful relations, but in your situation any described and imaginary benefits seem to be terribly outweighed by the negative byproducts.

Its a good idea, but it might be worth going to a police station and talking it through first to understand the law and what they might do if called because it will cause a scene. I think its unlikely they will force her out on the night, especially if she has nowhere to go because this sounds more like a domestic dispute, and cops are usually wary of getting involved in those because its 'he said, she said' e.g. she might say this is just an argument that got out of hand, since none of the times you asked her to leave are logged in written form.

Remarkably quick about turn by our resident “Doubting Thomas” – have you seen the scratch marks on OP’s face? Have you put your fingers where the [manicured] nails were? (John 20:25)

Despite the temptations, none of these nuclear options like throwing her onto the street with her possessions, or surreptitiously changing the locks, are practical or reasonable.

The only realistic option IMO is to engage with helping her find another apartment. If she's parked at your place free of charge then she doesn't have much incentive to find somewhere else in a hurry, so you need to get on the case too. Check Homegate.ch every day, and the other property rental sites. Make appointments for her to view. And if there's nothing in her price range, she will have to accept that she needs to change her criteria. By restricting her horizons to finding a (probably) non-existent nice apartment in the city for a low rent, she is essentially scheming to stay at your place indefinitely.

There's no god-given right to insist on living in central Zurich for little or no rent so you should extend the search slightly out of the city. Loads of us live along the lakeside and it takes only 20 minutes or less to get into Zurich by train from most popular towns.

As someone said, the other more drastic path might be to go to the police and/or the Gemeinde to get some advice and understand your options.

Characteristically sympathetic EF treatment of someone in distress and seeking help.