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Old 26.08.2021, 10:32
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Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

Hi All,

I've found myself in a bit of a pickle and I would welcome any advice you might have.

I met a girl through a dating platform 6 weeks ago, we shared an intense couple of days together and seemingly bonded very quickly. After about a week she mentioned being in-between flat rentals, I spent a lot of time alone during the pandemic, so I foolishly agreed to letting her move in with me temporarily while she continued searching for a new flat.

To cut a long story short, it's now been 6 weeks, half of the time we have spent together has been pleasant, and the other half of the time I have been subjected to; verbal abuse, harassment over a non-existent girlfriend, and a couple of episodes where she has repeatedly spat in my face. It has got to the point where I can't go to work or socialise with friends without coming home to accusations and harassment.

I have asked her to leave multiple times but she claims to have no where to go, she isn't registered at my flat with the Gemeinde, and there is no sublease contract. I'm at a complete loss as to what to do with her, any advice would be appreciated.
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Old 26.08.2021, 10:50
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

If this is real: wow.


Either way, reasoning seems not to be working. Next time she's out you'll have to change the locks. She'll probably be smart enough to never leave without the keys.


Good luck, keep us updated (grabs popcorn)
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Old 26.08.2021, 10:51
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

Sorry can't help much, but once she is out and it's all over, could you post a photo of her ?
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Old 26.08.2021, 10:52
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

That's why you shouldn't move in with someone after just a couple of dates ;-)

Short of changing the locks and/or hiding the key, I'm not really sure what you can do in this instance.

Maybe give her 1-2 weeks to pack her belongings and find a new place? After that, contact the Gemeinde for advice? You could also tell her that she is not allowed to live in your apartment because her name is not on the lease, and I assume she is not paying any rent?
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Old 26.08.2021, 11:20
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

Take her key and hide it when you have chance, push her out of the door then chuck her stuff out of the window
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Old 26.08.2021, 11:22
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

First post and a story like this? Pull the other one...
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Old 26.08.2021, 11:37
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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First post and a story like this? Pull the other one...
Not obviously a dupe account, then only 1 post has been made & nobody shares the IP address. Definitely not posted from McDonald's or Starbucks !
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Old 26.08.2021, 11:39
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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First post and a story like this? Pull the other one...
Not like you to be so cynical, Tom. You know you’re better than that!
This is certainly not an unusual development of a steamy online hook up. Often experienced it myself. It can be quite vexing and lead to serious logistical issues. For instance, while I’m already tiring of my current live-in homeless waif, the intermediate storage area (dungeon) is still occupied with the previous contender…
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Old 26.08.2021, 11:40
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

Can you record the conversations then host the audio recording and give us a link?
Maybe her attitude is good, I think some of us are way too nice and that's counterproductive so this can be quite usefull to listen and learn how to be a bad one .
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Old 26.08.2021, 11:51
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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Take her key and hide it when you have chance, push her out of the door then chuck her stuff out of the window
A slightly more gentlemanly option would be to invite her out for dinner to talk about the situation and tell her why you want her out. Whilst that is happening a friend goes to your appartment, changes the locks, packs her stuff and then takes it to a hotel room which has been paid for 2 days.

At the end of your dinner you tell her that she has been moved out, her key won't work and she has 2 days to find somewhere else. Its less confrontational and jarring than the other option.

Good luck!
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Old 26.08.2021, 14:26
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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A slightly more gentlemanly option would be to invite her out for dinner to talk about the situation and tell her why you want her out. Whilst that is happening a friend goes to your appartment, changes the locks, packs her stuff and then takes it to a hotel room which has been paid for 2 days.

At the end of your dinner you tell her that she has been moved out, her key won't work and she has 2 days to find somewhere else. Its less confrontational and jarring than the other option.

Good luck!
This is a really good plan !
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Old 26.08.2021, 12:17
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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Hi All,

I've found myself in a bit of a pickle and I would welcome any advice you might have.

I met a girl through a dating platform 6 weeks ago, we shared an intense couple of days together and seemingly bonded very quickly. After about a week she mentioned being in-between flat rentals, I spent a lot of time alone during the pandemic, so I foolishly agreed to letting her move in with me temporarily while she continued searching for a new flat.

To cut a long story short, it's now been 6 weeks, half of the time we have spent together has been pleasant, and the other half of the time I have been subjected to; verbal abuse, harassment over a non-existent girlfriend, and a couple of episodes where she has repeatedly spat in my face. It has got to the point where I can't go to work or socialise with friends without coming home to accusations and harassment.

I have asked her to leave multiple times but she claims to have no where to go, she isn't registered at my flat with the Gemeinde, and there is no sublease contract. I'm at a complete loss as to what to do with her, any advice would be appreciated.
Assuming this isn't a troll post then you are a being a bit of a big wet blanket. If she is now effectively invading your home and trespassing then either physically remove her from the apartment and throw out all of her stuff... or if you worried she will be too violent to handle then call the police and have them remove her.

Last edited by Chuff; 26.08.2021 at 15:49. Reason: Typo
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Old 26.08.2021, 12:44
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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Jesus, assuming this isn't a troll post then you really are a big wet blanket. If she is now effectively invading your home and trespassing then either physically remove her from the apartment and throw out all of her stuff... or if you worried she will be too violent to handle then call the police and have them remove her.
Characteristically sympathetic EF treatment of someone in distress and seeking help.
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Old 27.08.2021, 00:12
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

It seems that most replies address the situation from a legal/practical point of view. There is a certain need for that, of course, but I feel that most replies so far miss the point.

From a *purely* legal/practical point of view, the situation is nowhere near as complicated as OP wants to believe. The real issue at hand is not a legal, but an emotional one - namely, OP's codependence and loneliness.

I'm not trying to be mean or minimise the problem - quite the contrary. The problem is actually bigger than people here realise. Years of therapy and changing oneself as a person is a much, much more time-consuming, complicated and expensive endeavour than throwing someone's belongings on the street and calling the police and changing the locks and whatnot.

Last edited by kingfisherq; 27.08.2021 at 02:09.
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Old 27.08.2021, 09:02
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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The real issue at hand is not a legal, but an emotional one - namely, OP's codependence and loneliness.

I'm not trying to be mean or minimise the problem - quite the contrary. The problem is actually bigger than people here realise. Years of therapy and changing oneself as a person is a much, much more time-consuming, complicated and expensive endeavour than throwing someone's belongings on the street and calling the police and changing the locks and whatnot.
wtf... she has been there only 6 weeks for what sounds like a largely nookie-based time. Where does the "co-dependence and years of therapy" come into it?
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Old 26.08.2021, 14:29
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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To cut a long story short, it's now been 6 weeks, half of the time we have spent together has been pleasant, and the other half of the time I have been subjected to; verbal abuse, harassment over a non-existent girlfriend, and a couple of episodes where she has repeatedly spat in my face. It has got to the point where I can't go to work or socialise with friends without coming home to accusations and harassment.
By the way, does it mean that half the time you still enjoy intense time together ?
Maybe she is just not getting pleased enough and hence funnels excess of energy into verbal abuse ?
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Old 26.08.2021, 17:46
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Re: Verbally abusive house guest who refuses to leave

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Hi All,

I've found myself in a bit of a pickle and I would welcome any advice you might have.

I met a girl through a dating platform 6 weeks ago, we shared an intense couple of days together and seemingly bonded very quickly. After about a week she mentioned being in-between flat rentals, I spent a lot of time alone during the pandemic, so I foolishly agreed to letting her move in with me temporarily while she continued searching for a new flat.

To cut a long story short, it's now been 6 weeks, half of the time we have spent together has been pleasant, and the other half of the time I have been subjected to; verbal abuse, harassment over a non-existent girlfriend, and a couple of episodes where she has repeatedly spat in my face. It has got to the point where I can't go to work or socialise with friends without coming home to accusations and harassment.

I have asked her to leave multiple times but she claims to have no where to go, she isn't registered at my flat with the Gemeinde, and there is no sublease contract. I'm at a complete loss as to what to do with her, any advice would be appreciated.
Is this person in the country legally?
  • If yes, she is free to go her own way and live wherever else in Switzerland she chooses.
  • If no, then she should not be helped, by you or anyone, to stay here illegally, but should either return to a country in which she will be legal, or should set about obtaining a legal status to be here. But not at your expense.

Is she earning any money and/or does she have any savings?
  • If yes, she can pay for her own hostel, AirBnb, WG-room (see wgzimmer.ch), etc. while she is looking for accommodation.
  • If no, then, if she is in Switzerland legally (see above), she can apply to the social services for immediate support. It won't be easy, but she is likely to be given immediate support so she doesn't have to sleep on the street, e.g. at an emergency hostel.

Whichever is the case, you, OP, are not responsible for it.

In any case, I suggest you put all your possessions that mean something to you, whether sentimentally or cost-wise, in a safe place, either in a locked, strong cupboard in your apartment, or in a suitcase locked away in your neighbour's flat, or in your office. I say this because you don't want to risk anything being trashed.

Mail/message her to say that, as you already told her on DATE, DATE and DATE, she must move out of your place. Say that this is serious and that she must go.

You could go, in person, to a police station to ask the police for advice:
  • Tell them what is going on, including that she spat in your face and you don't want her there, and she has no agreement with you that she may stay, and that you have told her to leave (both spoken and in writing). Tell them that you have intend to send her a final warning to leave, and ask whethe, if she does not go, they would remove her, and which number you should to call., for that.
  • If you have had access to it, make a photo of her ID document or something which reflects who she is.
  • Show them your draft of a "Hausverbot", and ask them whether it is correctly done.
  • Ask them what you should do with her bags, if she does not take them with her or does not pick them up from you, and whether Castro's suggestion of paying for a hotel for a night or two, and then dropping off the bags there, is legal.

Depending on your relationship with the landlord and/or the caretaker of your building, you could ask them to help you change the locks, and say that you will pay for their help. That might be cheaper than your buying the whole lock system, because caretakers sometimes have a certain stock, which they switch around, from one door to another.

Having been to the police, and possibly spoken to your landlord/caretaker write to her again saying that you are now setting her a final deadline of TIME (a time in the day, not midnight) on DATE, max. 24 hours from now, by which all of her things must be removed from your flat.

Once you've sent that to her (and told her, to her face, if she happens to be with you, just then), do not leave your apartment in this last phase. Ideally, invite over friends the neighbours (who know what is going on) for a meal, or to watch a movie, or to play boardgames, but in any case to stay and stay, so that you are not alone with her, ever again.

If she has not moved her things out by the 23rd hour
  • if she is out, you pack her things. Put them outside of your apartment, but not on the street. Label them clearly with her name.
  • if she is in your place, tell her that she now has one more hour, after which you will call the police to come.

Send her another message, that she and her things must be out by the end of the next hour.

Change the lock immediately. Ideally with the help of your caretaker, who may be good enough to change the lock on the front door of the building, too, such that it will still work for all other neighbours, but no longer for the key she has. Otherwise, if just for your own flat, be sure you know how to do this, beforehand, or pay someone to come and do it, at the appointed time.

If she returns to fetch the things, do not let her into the flat, at all, not even if she says she needs to go to the toilet. Just stand your ground and say no. If you fear going soft-hearted, send your friend out, instead, to meet her at the door of the building with her bags, and to say that you are unavailable.

With her bags, hand over to her the written "Hausverbot", on paper.

If she does not just take her bags and go
  • if she is in the apartment but won't budge, call the police. Refer, in your call, the the advice you were given by officer NAME, who told you what to say when you call.
  • if she is not in the appartment, you could do some of the nice things that Castro suggested, such as paying for a hostel or AirBnb for one night, and have her things delivered there.... depending on what the police advised you about her bags (see above).

Do not, ever again, open the door to her.
Block her contact on your phone or, if she persists, get a new phone number.


All or any of the above will be of any use only if you have decided, for the sake of your own mental health and physical safety, to have no further contact with her, at all.

Last edited by doropfiz; 27.08.2021 at 09:43. Reason: fixing last sentence, the word of caution
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