Yes.

Both reasons combined.

We don't like being cold-called by health-insurance or pension-fund brokers either. There are plenty of threads on the EF complaining about it.

Hey, I'm busy dying - get lost, time-waster

Perhaps the house is already owned by a family member who is waiting for their mother to pass on so they can renovate and live in it or sell it on. She may even be renting the property with a "usofructo" A good lawyer can tell you in which name the house is registered and if there is any "usofructo" or right to live there.

I certainly would not approach her directly, but having said that, if someone wanted to buy one of my properties and made a good offer I would not be upset. But then I think the circumstances are very different.

I love the smell of self-righteousness in the morning, calling the OP a vulture, heartless, morbid even. For sure this house has already the vultures circling. Sons, daughters, distant cousins who are quite happy seeing their elderly relative descend into disrepair. Where are they all now? Are they coming over occasionally to do a bit in the garden, organising some maintenance, taking grandma for a walk on a Sunday? Maybe even, heaven forbid, arranging for her to leave the crumbling abode and go into a home but goodness no, that would cost money that would eat into the capital of their inheritance Looks to me as if they are waiting for her to fall off the perch as it were.
To the OP I have no other advice but to ignore the pearl clutchers on this site.

Some old people, for whatever reason, don't want their adult children to help. They can't do it themselves but they won't except help either.

To mind come Tom Hagen and a horse.

I love the smell of aware folk calling out self-righteousness in the evening. Pearl clutching, puhlease! Perhaps the old lady doesn’t have any sons, daughters or distant cousins? Perhaps she does and as “circling vultures” they have already laid their cunning plans which don’t include the OP?

I'm a bit unsure about this. In volunteering, the last 4 or 5 cases I've been helping with have involved kids stealing from their elderly parents. I even have 1 such case in my private life, whereby anything I buy for the older person is stolen by their kids.


The idea that kids are typically kind and nice and grieving for their parents isn't really the truth often. There'll certainly be occasional examples of good kids who would do anything to take care of their parents, but I doubt they're the norm.


I look around the neighbourhood where I live, and see older people with no visitors, except for the occasional kind neighbour or volunteer. The kids phone, but they don't visit, don't offer money, don't bring a bag of groceries, don't pay the electricity bill, don't come with a toolbox to help with repairs...


I have a case I'm helping with in volunteering right now, whereby the kids are all at war now their parent has died, because she decided to give her house to her youngest child (the only 1 of her kids without his own property, and the only low earner). The other kids are trying to sue for a share of the house. I was the only visitor she had in the last 3 or so years.



It was me changing light bulbs, running erands, and me who helped her to draft her will, and cook her a meal, if she hadn't eaten. Not 1 of her kids ever visited.

What sticks out from your posts generally is your relentless volunteer work. Nice, well done!
Less appealing is your assumption that occasional examples of “good kids” are an exceptional aberration. While your neighbourhood might well be a bit dodgy, I’m sure that quite a few elderly parents manage to make do w/o any intervention of well-intentioned people like you.
As per your example of the youngest child (low earner) confronted with sibling claims against the (undeserved?) inheritance – well, why not? After all, you were the “only visitor she had in the last 3 or so years” – why should the equally unconcerned youngest child get a better deal?
Obviously you (thankfully) help where necessary - not in every household

"While your neighbourhood might well be a bit dodgy" <<<what does "dodgy" mean please?



"I’m sure that quite a few elderly parents manage to make do w/o any intervention of well-intentioned people like you."
Don't know really what this means either, so the below is based on my guessing what it means (and I may be wrong in my guessing).



Should people only visit their parents if there are practical tasks they need support with? The elderly people I support are often lonely, worried, feeling disconnected from their perception of themselves and their capability v's the reality, overwhelmed, haven't spoken to anyone for a while, and also need help around the home and with admin tasks. Why would only the practical stuff matter?



"Making do" is a reason to be concerned and check up on an older person. "Making do" can be why older people sit in darkness (lights have gone out suddenly), don't eat something (forgot to buy something before the shops closed), sleep on the sofa (worried about noises, so try to stay alert all night), and so on, as they need help, but don't feel comfortable asking for it, or don't have anyone to ask.