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  #21  
Old 28.01.2018, 12:10
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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Sorry, but have to take issue with this Richdog. It's not an absolute. My cousin's husband hit her once. She walked out and left him, he came and apologised, swore it would never happen again if she came back and it didn't. They've had many happy years of marriage.
There are for sure a few pearls in a sea of shit, but they would then be the exemption that proves the rule.
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Old 28.01.2018, 12:17
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

Friday revisited?

Tom
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  #23  
Old 28.01.2018, 12:45
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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Is it normal for domestic abuse victims to report 'fell down the stairs, etc' to the insurance company?

What is the implication if I tell my accident insurance that I fell down the stairs? What kind of trouble will I get if they somehow found out that I didn't tell the truth?
I think enough people really do fall down stairs that one instance is not a red flag. However repeated instances may cause insurers to question. I have no idea of the consequence.

Please take care of yourself.
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Old 28.01.2018, 12:51
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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Sorry, but have to take issue with this Richdog. It's not an absolute. My cousin's husband hit her once. She walked out and left him, he came and apologised, swore it would never happen again if she came back and it didn't. They've had many happy years of marriage.
She walked out and left him.. that's the main reason why, when she came back, it worked. Your cousin obviously made it clear he was responsible for his own behaviour, not her..

She didn't tiptoe around him, worry about him becoming angry or upset.. or feel anxious that he might find out she told the Doctor.

Once you begin the dangerous game of being responsible for his behaviour, keeping things calm within the home etc.. you're f***ed!
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Old 28.01.2018, 13:04
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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Is it normal for domestic abuse victims to report 'fell down the stairs, etc' to the insurance company?

What is the implication if I tell my accident insurance that I fell down the stairs? What kind of trouble will I get if they somehow found out that I didn't tell the truth?
I don't think you should be so concerned about the trouble YOU might get into. But anyway.

Theoretically speaking, it's insurance fraud. You claim it was an accident when it was not and are asking the insurance to pay for damages for an accident that never happened. You might have to pay back the money they spent on your medical treatments, if anything beyond that could happen I don't know (and probably no one can say).

However: how would they find out? Unless of course it happens again (likely) and you suddenly have all these "fell down the stairs injuries", then they'll get suspicious at some point, dig a little deeper and yes, that may cause quite a few issues for you.
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Old 28.01.2018, 14:19
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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The doctor said that this will remain confidential and it is up to me to report to the police myself.
........
That violates the Swiss law.
Since April 1, 2004, domestic abuse is a "Offizialdelikt" (criminal offence liable to public prosecution) and this is not an April's fool thing but a fact.

Unfortunately I have observed since, that police and prosecution is not doing their job properly in those cases (as they do with murder and other "Offizialdelikten"). I admit that also had to do - in the cases I observed - with the beaten/abused partner taking the other one back into the house/a relationsship. That puts officials in a difficult position as - by law - the authorities can not tell people who to live/deal with and whom not.

By having your condition (the leg in this case) examined and put down on paper you have something to fall back on if it happens again.
I don't think your insurance will claim the costs from his but showing him, that his actions have consequences could bring him to his senses.

I do realize that you are in a very difficult situation. I strongly advise you to face it though. As your partner turned out to be an abusive person you have to move on, no matter the complications. Hoping it will go away or get better seems easier but it only weakens you,your self esteem and your self confidence.

If you don't want him to get punished, move out and file for divorce.
If you do, report him, have him moved out (which will happen) and file for divorce.

I may sound non-empathetic. Many others will give you compassion (which is good) which will not change the facts.
I say, sort your life out now, deal with the grieving after.

Unless you believe, beating each other is acceptable (which means you have to live with it and hit back when necessary but consequently have to stick to the concept - a strange concept to me but who am I to judge others) you must now face that a relationship with your partner is no longer possible as - I think richdog mentioned - your partner has overstepped a line which - no matter how much he promises when calm - is no longer existent to him.

Good luck to you. You have a difficult time ahead of you. If you face it and deal with it, it will belong to the past soon. You are only a victim if you don't take your life into your own hands now.

addition: If you speak German, this might give you some further legal info.
Can't link the pdf for some reason, first result on here then.
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  #27  
Old 28.01.2018, 14:54
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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There are for sure a few pearls in a sea of shit, but they would then be the exemption that proves the rule.
Agreed, but you make it sound like there are no pearls in the sea at all. I was just pointing out that it's not true. Sometimes men do learn from their mistakes.

I don't know the OP, her husband or the state of their relationship. But I also don't think it's right to assume this will happen again. It's possible of course and unfortunately I suspect statistics prove it does, but let's hope - for the OP's sake - that he is one of those rare pearls.
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Old 28.01.2018, 15:16
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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Agreed, but you make it sound like there are no pearls in the sea at all. I was just pointing out that it's not true. Sometimes men do learn from their mistakes.

I don't know the OP, her husband or the state of their relationship. But I also don't think it's right to assume this will happen again. It's possible of course and unfortunately I suspect statistics prove it does, but let's hope - for the OP's sake - that he is one of those rare pearls.
I'm sorry to be a pain in the neck here:
You are not helping OP with your hopes. How many such cases have you witnessed, maybe accompanied?

Some men do learn from these mistakes - very few I would guess - but not with the same woman/in the same relationship.

Oh and by the way, this is not a man's thing only - there are some nasty woman out there!

Last edited by curley; 29.01.2018 at 18:12. Reason: typo
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  #29  
Old 28.01.2018, 15:24
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

Ernieceline, one of the things that the group I linked upthread specifically mentions is that advising on how to handle health costs arising as a victim of violence falls within their remit.

Heilungskosten
Zuständigkeit für die Arzt- und Spitalbehandlungen, Ambulanzrechnung sowie für weitere Therapien wie z.B. Psychotherapie


I would urge you to contact them.

Fachstelle für Gewaltbetroffene
Beratung für Frauen, Männer, Kinder und Jugendliche
Neustadt 23
8200 Schaffhausen
Tel. 052 625 25 00
Fax 052 625 60 68
fachstelle(at)fsgb-sh.ch
http://www.fsgb-sh.ch/index.php?id=143

Such groups are generally quite sensitive to the wishes of the person seeking help. While they can help you find support for a wide range of issues relevant to your situation, if you really only want to discuss who pays the doctor bills they will respect that.

But do consider availing yourself of the advice they can give you beyond insurance, even if that ends up being information to just keep in your back pocket. Being informed of your rights in Switzerland, of what resources are available if needed, makes you stronger.

Wishing you all the best.
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  #30  
Old 28.01.2018, 15:32
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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I'm sorry to be a pain in the neck here:
You are not helping OP with your hopes. How many such cases have you witnessed, maybe accompanied?

Some men do learn from these mistakes - very few I would gues - but not with the same woman/in the same relationship.

Oh and by the way, this is not a man's thing only - there are some nasty woman out there!
None whatsoever, but that doesn't make the fact that some men (and women) do realise how badly they've behaved and do go on to have a happy, healthy relationship with the person they abused. It does happen and at the moment the OP has no reason to assume otherwise - unlike the rest of you seem to be doing.

I will say to the OP though that if it does happen again, get out, leave the home and report it to the police. All too often the person being abused deludes themselves that it's the last time, it'll never happen again, etc, etc. Don't fool yourself, if it does happen again then you are in danger of falling into the victim trap. Get out, go to a place for abused women and take it from there. We've all read far too many stories here on the forum of others in similar situations and it never ends well.
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  #31  
Old 28.01.2018, 15:46
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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None whatsoever, but that doesn't make the fact that some men (and women) do realise how badly they've behaved and do go on to have a happy, healthy relationship with the person they abused. It does happen and at the moment the OP has no reason to assume otherwise - unlike the rest of you seem to be doing.

She's afraid he will find out she told the doctor, worried he might get upset.. everything is good now but she better not bring up the fact he kicked her so hard in the leg, it went numb.. and needed a doctor's visit!!

Goodness.. no reason to assume otherwise?! Please don't write bollix.
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  #32  
Old 28.01.2018, 15:49
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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None whatsoever, but that doesn't make the fact that some men (and women) do realise how badly they've behaved and do go on to have a happy, healthy relationship with the person they abused. It does happen and at the moment the OP has no reason to assume otherwise - unlike the rest of you seem to be doing.
Honestly, yes of course it's assumption (for all of us at this point including the OP), but statistics speak for themselves. Aside that, the fact she is clearly at the very least mildly scared he might find out she even went to the doctor (!) - not even the police - after he kicked her so hard she couldn't feel her leg anymore (!) tells me something is clearly very wrong. If he had been truly horrified and shocked at his own action, he would have driven her to the doctor himself - and she certainly wouldn't have to hide that she went and now be more concerned about the consequences his actions and her doctor's visit have on HIM, rather than herself.

Also, I can only imagine the amount of kicking that is required to lead to this type of injury. Doesn't sound like something that could be achieved by one kick.
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Old 28.01.2018, 15:59
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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.... How many such cases have you witnessed, maybe accompanied?...........
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None whatsoever, but that doesn't make the fact that some men (and women) do realise how badly they've behaved and do go on to have a happy, healthy relationship with the person they abused. It does happen and at the moment the OP has no reason to assume otherwise - unlike the rest of you seem to be doing.
No comment.

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I will say to the OP though that if it does happen again, get out, leave the home and report it to the police. All too often the person being abused deludes themselves that it's the last time, it'll never happen again, etc, etc. Don't fool yourself, if it does happen again then you are in danger of falling into the victim trap. Get out, go to a place for abused women and take it from there. We've all read far too many stories here on the forum of others in similar situations and it never ends well.
on the other hand ..... twice is nothing .... maybe she should hang in there a little longer? Until the third time? What speaks against that?

@ OP: meloncollies link is the best way for you to go, I think. It gives you the chance to receive the best info and advice on your particular situation. It will show you your options and you can take your decisions based on them.
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Old 28.01.2018, 16:05
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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I recently got hit by my husband due to disagreement him being a total and utter shithead.
Fixed that for you. Listen to Meloncollie. No good can come of staying with such a nasty piece of work.
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Old 28.01.2018, 17:33
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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...said every violent abuser ever. This will not be the last time, once it has started a psychological barrier has been broken, so prepare yourself.
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Once you begin the dangerous game of being responsible for his behaviour, keeping things calm within the home etc.. you're f***ed!
These are the most common and classic sequence of events. Please take heed, and when your doctor says to get out of the situation (which they can), you get the hell out of there.
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  #36  
Old 28.01.2018, 17:36
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

I'm sorry, this thread makes my blood boil.

OP, I am sorry this has happened to you and I hope you take steps to take care of yourself. File with the insurance. Since you have the same company for accident and health, let them sort it. If they ask questions, be honest. Do not "protect" your husband. He's a big boy and needs to learn to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Also, for the record, physical assault - which is what he did to you - is NOT an accident. It's intentional and that is NOT okay, not even once. Not even if he says he's sorry.
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  #37  
Old 28.01.2018, 18:05
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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I'm sorry, this thread makes my blood boil.

OP, I am sorry this has happened to you and I hope you take steps to take care of yourself. File with the insurance. Since you have the same company for accident and health, let them sort it. If they ask questions, be honest. Do not "protect" your husband. He's a big boy and needs to learn to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Also, for the record, physical assault - which is what he did to you - is NOT an accident. It's intentional and that is NOT okay, not even once. Not even if he says he's sorry.
Yep, blood boiling going on here too

OP, when you were a little girl did you ever think you would grow up, marry and get kicked by a person who loves you? If this was your daughter, your baby you raised and this had happened to her, what would you say? Your advice to her?

You need to dig deep, stand tall, be proud and have a long, serious talk with yourself.

Always fight the good fight in life, every other fight is pure misery and sh!te..
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  #38  
Old 28.01.2018, 18:11
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

First thing to do if one is sorry would be to try to mitigate the consequences and to try to pay up, instead of bypassing existing laws and to charge the burden of one's action on the victim and/or the community, e.g.
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Old 28.01.2018, 18:18
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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Is it normal for domestic abuse victims to report 'fell down the stairs, etc' to the insurance company?

What is the implication if I tell my accident insurance that I fell down the stairs? What kind of trouble will I get if they somehow found out that I didn't tell the truth?
EF members are advising on how to best commit insurance fraud.

But I guess it's Ok in most people's mind because she's the victim. Or perhaps it's because she's female, who knows.

Either way, they apparently think this kind of insurance fraud is Ok.
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Old 28.01.2018, 18:21
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Re: Domestic Violence, which insurance to claim?

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they apparently think this kind of insurance fraud is Ok.
Who does?
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