Farting in public to be criminalised.

Upthehatters2008 · #1 04.02.2011, 13:26

...in Malawi.

How the heck do you prove let alone enforce such a law ???

"It was him"
"No, you did it "
"He who smelt it dealt it" your honour.

#2 04.02.2011, 13:29

I'm screwed

Nil · #3 04.02.2011, 13:30

Me too!

And smokers complain they have it tough?

#4 04.02.2011, 13:33

Farter in Suisse Romande is perfectly legal - argh if only we had snow.

grynch · #5 04.02.2011, 13:34

get in line.. ( not so close ) buy 'em now...

http://www.myshreddies.com/flatulenc...ing-underwear/

http://www.myshreddies.com/flatulenc...ing-underwear/

Castro · #6 04.02.2011, 13:35

	Quote:	Upthehatters2008
	"He who smelt it dealt it" your honour.

A few more for their statute books..

He who denied it, supplied it.
He who deduced it, produced it.
He who attributed it, distributed it.
He who detected it, projected it.
He who perceived it, conceived it.
He who expressed it, compressed it.
He who related it, deflated it.
He who protested it, foam-crested it.
He who derided it, provided it.
He who maligned it, designed it.
He who smelled it, expelled it.
He who opined it, refined it.
He who rued it, brewed it.
He who revealed it, peeled it.
He who quipped it, ripped it.
He who knew it, blew it.
He who reported it, exported it.
He who decoyed it, deployed it.
He who averred it, disinterred it.
He who eschewed it, spewed it.
He who mocked it, knocked it.
He who tells of it, smells of it it.
He who spoke it, broke it.
He who disclaimed it, enflamed it.
He who exposed it, composed it.
He who noted it, floated it.
He who relayed it, sprayed it.
He who damned it, grand-slammed it.
He who said it, shed it.
He who relayed it, made it.
He who thought it, wrought it.
He who unearthed it, birthed it.
He who sensed it, dispensed it.
He who sensed it, commenced it.
He who spoke it, broke it.
He who disputed it, tooted it.
He who squeaked it, cheeked it.
He who berated it, created it.
He who sensed it, dispensed it.
He who spurned it, burned it.
He who noted it, floated it.
He who declared it, aired it.
He who blurted it, squirted it.
He who speaks it, reeks it.
He who spurned it, burned it.
He who committed it, emitted it.
He who shunned it, tail-gunned it.
He who rebuked it, nuked it.
He who hyped it, piped it.
He who blamed it, flamed it.

lost_inbroad · #7 04.02.2011, 13:45

	Quote:	Castro
	A few more for their statute books.. He who denied it, supplied it. He who deduced it, produced it. He who attributed it, distributed it. He who detected it, projected it. He who perceived it, conceived it. He who expressed it, compressed it. He who related it, deflated it. He who protested it, foam-crested it. He who derided it, provided it. He who maligned it, designed it. He who smelled it, expelled it. He who opined it, refined it. He who rued it, brewed it. He who revealed it, peeled it. He who quipped it, ripped it. He who knew it, blew it. He who reported it, exported it. He who decoyed it, deployed it. He who averred it, disinterred it. He who eschewed it, spewed it. He who mocked it, knocked it. He who tells of it, smells of it it. He who spoke it, broke it. He who disclaimed it, enflamed it. He who exposed it, composed it. He who noted it, floated it. He who relayed it, sprayed it. He who damned it, grand-slammed it. He who said it, shed it. He who relayed it, made it. He who thought it, wrought it. He who unearthed it, birthed it. He who sensed it, dispensed it. He who sensed it, commenced it. He who spoke it, broke it. He who disputed it, tooted it. He who squeaked it, cheeked it. He who berated it, created it. He who sensed it, dispensed it. He who spurned it, burned it. He who noted it, floated it. He who declared it, aired it. He who blurted it, squirted it. He who speaks it, reeks it. He who spurned it, burned it. He who committed it, emitted it. He who shunned it, tail-gunned it. He who rebuked it, nuked it. He who hyped it, piped it. He who blamed it, flamed it.

..and what about she?

nigelr · #8 04.02.2011, 13:48

	Quote:	lost_inbroad
	..and what about she?

'She' never farts, and when she does it comes out of my backside apparently.

TiMow · #9 04.02.2011, 13:50

They'll be banning smoking in public next.

grynch · #10 04.02.2011, 13:52

	Quote:
	Farter in Suisse Romande is perfectly legal - argh if only we had snow.

I don't follow the connection between farting and snow... do you make smelly snow angels?

Upthehatters2008 · #11 04.02.2011, 13:52

	Quote:	nigelr
	'She' never farts, and when she does it comes out of my backside apparently.

It was a dark and windy night, 4 years ago in April. Nothing on the Telly, just the ticking of the clock to mark the passing of time. Then, breaking the silence that only a loving couple would not mind, it came. A gentle feathery whoosh followed by a mouse squeak interlude and then a bass crescendo. Turning to CClare,my loved one, I knew It. The revelation was impossible to hide.

Woman Do fart.

EDIT: Name changed to protect the guilty.

#12 04.02.2011, 13:53

In our house we always blame the dog! She is the strong silent type.

Grynch, where did you find that marmot? She is defo due for a good diet, poor thing.

Captain Greybeard · #13 04.02.2011, 13:54

	Quote:	nigelr
	'She' never farts, and when she does it comes out of my backside apparently.

Definition of fart:

- (female) An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.

- (male) A source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

#14 04.02.2011, 14:06

	Quote:	grynch
	I don't follow the connection between farting and snow... do you make smelly snow angels?

Grynch - the first time I visited my future OH's parents home, there was some downhill skiing on the TV. Future father-in-law made some comments about all competitors skiing the same, and the ridiculous small time difference between winner and others. Trying to make polite conversation, I ventured (French being my MT and only recently arrived in London) that 'farting is very important in skiing, as it makes the skier go faster'. He looked at me, not quite sure how to react, so I went on to give quite a technical reply - and he finally cracked up! Future OH, bil and mil - were also quite surprised, but finally realised it was language issue. I had not idea what it meant in English of course - it was not part of the BAC syllabus. Farter = to apply wax to ski base le fart = ski wax.

One of the very very many embarrassing mistakes I made in my first few months in London.

Nil · #15 04.02.2011, 14:08

	Quote:	nigelr
	'She' never farts, and when she does it comes out of my backside apparently.

Women don't fart, they pass air!

jacek · #16 04.02.2011, 14:13

Nice collection Castro. I'll make my small (inventive mind) contribution here:

"He who didn't sniff it, his ass has breathed it."

Any more?

What else? Soon we will be paying for breathing the air per cubic meter!

Chemmie · #17 04.02.2011, 14:14

	Quote:	Nil
	Women don't fart, they pass air!

yeah and the passed air smells like roses

grynch · #18 04.02.2011, 14:14

	Quote:
	Grynch - the first time I visited my future .............

similar story... told to us by a french friend who was many years ago visiting england with her then future husband and needed a battery for something or other but couldnt think of the english word so she just used the french "pile" but said it with an english inflection hoping as you were the words were similar.

"'scuse me do you have piles?"

piles of course is english for hemorrhoids.

k_and_e · #19 04.02.2011, 14:32

A pity that it is to be criminalised.

Farting can after all be considered as the healthier variant of smoking: you can make people very annoyed without getting lung cancer yourself ;-)

NSchulzi · #20 04.02.2011, 14:45

	Quote:	Captain Greybeard
	Definition of fart: - (male) A source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

not to mention, lots of fun involving matches ...