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Old 07.04.2011, 20:47
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"You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

So, I'm "Bob from Compliance." My three claims to fame are:

1. Convincing my Austrian girlfriend (Katarina) to agree to marry me (I am now a virtual demigod within the profane confines of my circle of habitually envious male friends), and;

2. Authoring the second comprehensive study of equity risk premiums on the Bourse de Luxembourg entitled "A Comprehensive Study of Equity Risk Premiums on the Bourse de Luxembourg" (University of Chicago Press: currently out of print but don't panic as I am working on a second edition), and;

3. Enduring three years as a senior firearms instructor teaching "Tactical Carbine" to an alarming number of guys (and a more alarming number of gals) also named "Bob".

[Two of these three are true, and one is not quite false, but plagued with a host of material detail errors].

In an uncharacteristic fit of detail-blindness (what can I say, the girl threw me off balance when she actually said "yes", I really only asked as a joke and I was actually scheduled for a booze cruise on Lake Michigan later that evening) I agreed to pretty much any condition appended ex post to our contractual arrangement. Specifically:

1. A period of no less than:
A. Ten weeks weeks of paid vacation per annum;
B. At our place;
C. For her mother, and;
D. "Maria Theresa Walburga Amalia Christina" (which I simply shorten to: M-THWACK) her mother's champion standard poodle of a vomit-brown color which I am constantly being reminded is actually called "Apricot" and not "vomit-brown", and;
2. A spring wedding in either:
A. March of 2011, or;
B. March of 2021;
Whichever comes last, and;

3. Should any "Green" or "Energy Efficient" appliance find its way into our home I will be immediately assessed a fine of CHF 25'000, and;

4. On or before May 1, 2011 we will relocate our primary residence to Zug, Switzerland. (Phew, just made it).

(As a side note to all you gents, make sure you actually look up the word "pram" before you agree to be the exclusive "pram pusher" in downtown Zug).

Now I spend most of my time flailing around with hacker-authored utilities to unlock our iPhones before AT&T is in a position to mount a hostile takeover on my immortal soul, convincing local banks that accepting money from an American like me is not a felony, angrily lamenting each day I forget to take the time to actually get a Halbtax Karte, feeling fortunate that the life-long horror that was the Chicago Cubs is finally at an end for me, wondering if some shooting club would like a talented instructor (even if he only has an L-Permit) and reminding myself that, when the Zombie Apocalypse finally comes, Switzerland is a damn good place to be.

Bob's Daily Compliance Tip: "Remember, it's now called 'Document Retention Compliance Event' not 'Shredding Session.'"
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Old 07.04.2011, 20:52
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Welcome to the forum Bob.
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Old 07.04.2011, 20:54
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

OMG, I think I'm in love.
Welcome to EF & Switzerland!
Congratulations on the wedding.
Sorry about the Zug thing.
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Old 07.04.2011, 21:46
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

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In an uncharacteristic fit of detail-blindness (what can I say, the girl threw me off balance when she actually said "yes", I really only asked as a joke and I was actually scheduled for a booze cruise on Lake Michigan later that evening) "
Someone should let your bride-to-be know that you actually asked "Will you carry me?", not "Will you marry me?"
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Old 07.04.2011, 21:59
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Welcome on the forum Bob,

You sound like a funny guy!
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Old 07.04.2011, 22:04
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

welcome nice intro !
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Old 07.04.2011, 22:14
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Mmmkay, welcome to the forum
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Old 07.04.2011, 22:18
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Welcome to the Forum and Switzerland. What a great intro.
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Old 07.04.2011, 22:20
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Good intro Welcome to the forum and Switzerland!
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Old 07.04.2011, 22:24
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Welcome Bob.

Btw, if you would like to share with us what you are on and where you get it, i am sure a few of us would be grateful

..
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Old 07.04.2011, 22:31
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

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feeling fortunate that the life-long horror that was the Chicago Cubs is finally at an end for me, wondering if some shooting club would like a talented instructor (even if he only has an L-Permit) and reminding myself that, when the Zombie Apocalypse finally comes, Switzerland is a damn good place to be.
Welcome to the forum.

a) If you think the chicago cubs are bad, check out Zug's ice hockey club.

b) Every kid in Zurich takes part in a shooting competition with a military rifle (and that's not even a joke), so shooting is more than popular here than anywhere else in Europe.

c) Regarding the zombies do I still have my doubts about the large hadron collider...
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Old 07.04.2011, 22:35
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

That's the way I've always figured it.

Tom
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Old 07.04.2011, 22:36
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Now that's what I call an intro!

Of course, the Lake Michigan booze cruise thing caught my eye. One of my part-time domiciles is at the South Fox Island Lighthouse. Bob, is it possible to drop some of the booze there once in a while?
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Old 07.04.2011, 22:42
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Welcome to the forum.
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Old 07.04.2011, 22:51
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Man, you sure are going to lighten things up a bit around here, welcome Bob.
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Old 08.04.2011, 08:55
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Welcome Bob!
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Old 08.04.2011, 09:05
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Does she skate?
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Old 08.04.2011, 09:59
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Off to a good start. You're very welcome.
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Old 08.04.2011, 10:02
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

Welcome Bob.

I think this is your kinda joint.

See you around.
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Old 08.04.2011, 10:12
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Re: "You Divide by Two to Get to Dollars, Right?"

You are so going to fit in.

Do you have an Uncle Bertrand?
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