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Old 10.01.2011, 19:31
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No Ashes

.

Q. What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies?
A. Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.

Q. What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch?
A. A fisherman.

Q. Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment?
A. They haven't got any openers..

Q. What would Jimmy Anderson be if he was Australian?
A. An all rounder.

Q. What is the main function of the Australian coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

Q. Why don't Australian fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.

Q. What's the Australian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped.

Q. What do you call an Australian with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.

Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Ponting?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. What do Australian batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

Q. Why are Australian cricketers cleverer than Houdini?
A. Because they can get out without even trying.



You're welcome.
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  #2  
Old 11.01.2011, 16:13
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Re: No Ashes

Q. What you you call an Australian who can handle a bat?
A. A vet.

Q. What do you call an Australian holding a bottle of Champagne?
A. Waiter!

Q. What do you call a good Autralian cricketer?
A. Retired.
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Old 11.01.2011, 20:00
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Re: No Ashes

A Few More......


Q: What do you call an Australian with a bottle of champagne in his hand?
A: A waiter.

Q: What do you call a world class Australian cricketer?
A: Retired.

Q. What does Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.

Q: What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
A: The entire Australian innings.

Q: What is the Australian version of a hat-trick?
A: 3 runs in 3 balls

Q: Where do Australian Batsman perform their best?
A: In Advertisements.

Q: What do you call an Australian with a 100 runs against his name?
A: A bowler.

Q: Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the Australian team?
A:The woman who ironed the cricket whites.

Q: What do you call an Australian who can handle a bat?
A: A vet!
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Old 11.01.2011, 20:10
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Re: No Ashes

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  #5  
Old 11.01.2011, 20:35
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Re: No Ashes

A bloke goes along to a local establishment that specialises in kinky acts, and asks the madam what they do in the line of B&D. She tells him that there's the standard fare of handcuffs and caning, the deluxe menu that includes silk blindfolds and gags and a stockwhip, or total humiliation, which costs $1000.
He asks her what he gets for his $1000.


"A baggy green cap and an Aussie cricket shirt."
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