know a good one? [jokes thread]

[Sbrinz]

In 1923: Who was the: -

1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the world’s most successful of their days...
Now, 80 years later, history asks what ultimately became of them...

The Answers:

1. The President of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab who died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson, went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE,
Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide


However!!!

In that same year,1923.

The PGA Champion and the winner of a most important
golf tournament, the US Open, was-

Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure at the time of his death.

The Moral:

Give up work, ‘hang slack’ and play golf.

[Verbier]

[bromnina11]

If a man speaks in the forest and no women hears him, is he still wrong?

[bromnina11]

Ok, apologies in advance for the following mass post, but apparently I need to have posted at least 10 times before I can create my own thread! So far I've only posted 3 times.. So here are some jokes

[bromnina11]

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.

[bromnina11]

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye deer

[bromnina11]

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls? Still no f-ing i deer!

[bromnina11]

This one isn't really a joke, but its soooo funny! A complaint letter written to Richard Branson:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/tr...nt-letter.html

	Quote:	bromnina11
	Ok, apologies in advance for the following mass post, but apparently I need to have posted at least 10 times before I can create my own thread! So far I've only posted 3 times.. So here are some jokes

Your post count doesn't increase in "off-topic" areas of the forum.

If you want to advertise without spamming 10 posts out first, try Ricardo..

[drmom]

OK, this is a really really bad joke but it made me laugh. I found in on the "27 reasons why parents shouldn't text" page that floated around Facebook recently (probably originated somewhere else):


I put my head between my legs and lean forward...


...cos that's how I roll (da dum dum - that is supposed to be a drum roll)

[Verbier]

Things are somehow different in Canada…



http://themetapicture.com/things-are...ent-in-canada/

[Rob]

[Rob]

[Verbier]

Starbucks can't spell my name right

http://themetapicture.com/starbucks-cant-spell-my-name/

[Sbrinz]

The Gold Urinal

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked outgoing President Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.

When he entered Clinton 's private toilet, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid gold urinal!

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. “Just think,' he said, 'when I am President, I too could have
a gold urinal. But I wouldn't do something so self-indulgent!”

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been
at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill:
I found out who pissed in your saxophone.”

[k_and_e]

Not even a joke but this thread seems to be the right place.

[Rob]

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

Hard to say but the flag is a big plus.

[Verbier]

[PaddyG]

A bloke walks into a pub and is surprised to see a large group of punters crowded at a section of the bar clapping and cheering. Curiosity piqued, he pushes to the front and is astonished to see a tiny man, not more than a foot in height, playing a concerto on a miniature grand piano. Next to the miniscule maestro is sat a somewhat dejected looking chap, sipping on a large whiskey. Once the astonishing performance is finished, the crowd cheers loudly and the miserable drinker solemnly passes around a hat, which rapidly fills with coins and notes.
Amazed, the man approaches the whiskey drinker and says "That's incredible, I've never seen anything like it. where did you find him?"
The drinker furtively looks around and replies "From my genie".
"You have a genie?" replies the man
"Yep, and I'm actually trying to sell him. He has 2 wishes left" says the drinker.
"Say no more, I'll take him" says the man and pulls out his check-book.
"Just a word of warning", adds the drinker, "You'll have to speak up when you talk to him, he's quite hard of hearing"
"OK, I'll bear that in mind" says the man, laughing
"Well, make sure you do. You honestly think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"

[Sbrinz]

Who said there were no good stories in the newspapers anymore?


PERTH - An SAS trooper collecting toys for children was stabbed when he helped stop a suspected shoplifter in east Perth . The 'Toys-R-Us' Store Manager told 'The West Australian' that a man was seen on surveillance cameras last Friday putting a laptop under his jacket at the store.

When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a knife and ran toward the door. Outside were four SAS Troopers collecting toys for the "Toys For Tots" program. Smith said the Troopers stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them in the back. Fortunately the cut did not appear to be severe.

The suspect however was transported by ambulance to the Royal Perth Hospital with two broken arms, a broken leg, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, and assorted lacerations including a broken nose and jaw ...
Injuries he apparently sustained after the stabbing, when he tripped whilst trying to run away. One of the Troopers said, "He was a clumsy bastard."