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  #1301  
Old 30.01.2016, 11:01
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1302  
Old 03.02.2016, 21:32
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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Old 12.02.2016, 16:30
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1304  
Old 14.02.2016, 00:06
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1305  
Old 14.02.2016, 20:50
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1306  
Old 16.02.2016, 17:43
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1307  
Old 26.02.2016, 16:24
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1308  
Old 08.03.2016, 10:10
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]



'Don't deny being a Brexit supporter, Mrs Perkins. The listening
device in your mop transmits straight to Downing Street!'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/index.html
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  #1309  
Old 08.03.2016, 10:41
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1310  
Old 08.03.2016, 10:42
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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Old 10.03.2016, 17:48
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1312  
Old 16.03.2016, 15:36
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Hillary ​C​linton goes to her doctor for a ​routine​check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant.

She is furious... Here she is -- in the middle of her election campaign -- now this has happened to her!


​She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming:

"You bastard! How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! ​
​How could you? ​I can't believe this! I've just found out I'm five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault!.....
Well, what have you got to say?"


There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.

She screams again
: ​
"Did you hear me?"

Finally, she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper:



"​Who's calling?"


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  #1313  
Old 19.03.2016, 15:27
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1314  
Old 01.04.2016, 20:24
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

For the mothers on EF


Last edited by Verbier; 16.10.2016 at 16:48. Reason: Lost the photo somehow :-(
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  #1315  
Old 16.10.2016, 16:47
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

One for the Canadians.

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  #1316  
Old 27.10.2016, 20:46
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1317  
Old 27.10.2016, 20:48
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1318  
Old 21.11.2016, 10:50
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

-For all those students of the English language (and for those who are not!!). Here is a good one....................The evening news begins with the words "Good evening" and then proceeds to tell you why it isn't!
Paraprosdokians

First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous.

(Winston Churchill loved them).

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify... " I answered " a doctor."

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You are never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

Sadly this is true!!! So.....

Spread the laughter, share the cheer, let's be happy, while we're here.
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  #1319  
Old 21.11.2016, 10:56
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Neep, neep. Did they think he was real too ?
ROFLMAO
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  #1320  
Old 21.11.2016, 15:51
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

While giving a standard check up to one of his 75 year old patients, a doctor struck up a conversation with the old man, who happened to be a farmer. The conversation eventually got around to talking about Donald Trump being the next President. The old farmer said, "Well, the way I see it, Donald Trump is like a post turtle." Having never heard that term before, the doctor asked the old man what a "post turtle" was. The man replied, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, unable to move, that's a post turtle."

The old farmer saw the confused look on the doctor's face, so he continued his explanation: "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just kind of wonder what kind of dumb assholes put him up there to begin with."
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