Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Off-Topic > Off-Topic > Jokes/funnies  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1341  
Old 24.07.2018, 17:23
st2lemans's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Lugano
Posts: 31,577
Groaned at 2,353 Times in 1,711 Posts
Thanked 38,371 Times in 18,109 Posts
st2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]



Tom
Reply With Quote
  #1342  
Old 24.07.2018, 17:30
Blueangel's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Küsnacht, Switzerland
Posts: 4,004
Groaned at 113 Times in 101 Posts
Thanked 10,747 Times in 4,739 Posts
Blueangel has a reputation beyond reputeBlueangel has a reputation beyond reputeBlueangel has a reputation beyond reputeBlueangel has a reputation beyond reputeBlueangel has a reputation beyond reputeBlueangel has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Wonder which one has a cycle path.
Reply With Quote
  #1343  
Old 24.07.2018, 17:37
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Quote:
View Post


Tom
There's been a highway to Heaven for nearly 40 years.

Reply With Quote
  #1344  
Old 24.07.2018, 21:23
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

I can always tell if they use fake dinosaurs in films.
Reply With Quote
  #1345  
Old 25.07.2018, 00:41
swissotter's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: ZH
Posts: 2,286
Groaned at 9 Times in 8 Posts
Thanked 3,333 Times in 1,383 Posts
swissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

(In a French restaurant)
"Waiter, can we see the menu please"
"Mai oui".
"Sorry. May we see the menu please".
Reply With Quote
  #1346  
Old 25.07.2018, 07:08
MusicChick's Avatar
modified, reprogrammed and doctored²
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 17,268
Groaned at 393 Times in 270 Posts
Thanked 19,966 Times in 10,397 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

"Dad, what's an engagement?"
"That's like when you get a mountain bike for Xmas but you have to wait till the spring to ride it."
Reply With Quote
  #1347  
Old 26.07.2018, 06:30
swissotter's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: ZH
Posts: 2,286
Groaned at 9 Times in 8 Posts
Thanked 3,333 Times in 1,383 Posts
swissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Name:  C6C61356-D4BD-4B0A-A10A-7890E9B0DBC8.jpeg
Views: 330
Size:  85.5 KB
Reply With Quote
  #1348  
Old 26.07.2018, 07:59
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: ZH
Posts: 5,317
Groaned at 58 Times in 48 Posts
Thanked 2,696 Times in 1,612 Posts
SOBEIT has a reputation beyond reputeSOBEIT has a reputation beyond reputeSOBEIT has a reputation beyond reputeSOBEIT has a reputation beyond reputeSOBEIT has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Bloke walks into a florist “hi, l’d like to buy a massive bunch of flowers for my new girlfriend please”.
“No problem sir, what are you after?”
“A shag”
Reply With Quote
  #1349  
Old 27.07.2018, 01:09
swissotter's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: ZH
Posts: 2,286
Groaned at 9 Times in 8 Posts
Thanked 3,333 Times in 1,383 Posts
swissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her,fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair.Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side.The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.

Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.

"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."
Reply With Quote
  #1350  
Old 27.07.2018, 01:47
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: na
Posts: 10,897
Groaned at 34 Times in 30 Posts
Thanked 25,556 Times in 7,952 Posts
meloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Quote:
View Post
(In a French restaurant)
"Waiter, can we see the menu please"
"Mai oui".
"Sorry. May we see the menu please".
Good to see you back, Swissotter!
Reply With Quote
  #1351  
Old 27.07.2018, 02:03
swissotter's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: ZH
Posts: 2,286
Groaned at 9 Times in 8 Posts
Thanked 3,333 Times in 1,383 Posts
swissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Quote:
View Post
Good to see you back, Swissotter!

thank you! well i've always stalked even though i am still out of CH
Reply With Quote
  #1352  
Old 27.07.2018, 12:00
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Quote:
View Post
thank you! well i've always stalked even though i am still out of CH
less stalking and more talking, SO

A wee joke, seeing as it's Friday:

Police have confirmed a man has been arrested in Devon after falling into a combine harvester whilst trying to steal it.

He is due to be bailed tomorrow.
Reply With Quote
  #1353  
Old 27.07.2018, 14:50
AbFab's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Zürich
Posts: 8,226
Groaned at 347 Times in 237 Posts
Thanked 11,995 Times in 4,115 Posts
AbFab has a reputation beyond reputeAbFab has a reputation beyond reputeAbFab has a reputation beyond reputeAbFab has a reputation beyond reputeAbFab has a reputation beyond reputeAbFab has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Famous Bob Monkhouse quote:

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian...

Well they‘re not laughing now.
Reply With Quote
  #1354  
Old 28.07.2018, 01:35
swissotter's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: ZH
Posts: 2,286
Groaned at 9 Times in 8 Posts
Thanked 3,333 Times in 1,383 Posts
swissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Quote:
View Post
less stalking and more talking, SO

.
yes yes - i do come back periodically so i'm sure i'll have questions about brown sugar and such
Reply With Quote
  #1355  
Old 28.07.2018, 01:39
swissotter's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: ZH
Posts: 2,286
Groaned at 9 Times in 8 Posts
Thanked 3,333 Times in 1,383 Posts
swissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Name:  swissreaper.jpg
Views: 496
Size:  29.7 KB
Reply With Quote
  #1356  
Old 28.07.2018, 01:50
swissotter's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: ZH
Posts: 2,286
Groaned at 9 Times in 8 Posts
Thanked 3,333 Times in 1,383 Posts
swissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond reputeswissotter has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Name:  38003643_10155982712023089_3884013872952115200_n.jpg
Views: 277
Size:  20.5 KB
Reply With Quote
  #1357  
Old 28.07.2018, 09:09
Blueangel's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Küsnacht, Switzerland
Posts: 4,004
Groaned at 113 Times in 101 Posts
Thanked 10,747 Times in 4,739 Posts
Blueangel has a reputation beyond reputeBlueangel has a reputation beyond reputeBlueangel has a reputation beyond reputeBlueangel has a reputation beyond reputeBlueangel has a reputation beyond reputeBlueangel has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Love the Swiss Reaper
Reply With Quote
  #1358  
Old 28.07.2018, 10:26
robBob's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Zurich
Posts: 2,867
Groaned at 62 Times in 48 Posts
Thanked 2,757 Times in 1,470 Posts
robBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Quote:
View Post
(In a French restaurant)
"Waiter, can we see the menu please"
"Mai oui".
"Sorry. May we see the menu please".
Little boy: May I go to the bathroom
French teacher: Oui Oui
Little boy: No! Plop. Plop.
Reply With Quote
  #1359  
Old 28.07.2018, 10:46
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

A colleague at work told me he makes every single decision in his life by flipping a coin.

He's a tosser.
Reply With Quote
  #1360  
Old 28.07.2018, 13:12
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 7,884
Groaned at 89 Times in 70 Posts
Thanked 11,919 Times in 4,839 Posts
doropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond repute
Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

The coin-flipping reminded me of Piet Hein's Psychological Tip:

Whenever you’re called on to make up your mind,
and you’re hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you’ll find,
is simply by spinning a penny.
No – not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you’re passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you’re hoping.
Piet Hein (December 16, 1905–April 17, 1996) was a Danish scientist, mathematician, inventor, designer, author, and poet, often writing under the Old Norse pseudonym "Kumbel" meaning "tombstone". His short poems, known as gruks or grooks, first started to appear in the daily newspaper "Politiken" shortly after the Nazi occupation in April 1940 under the pseudonym "Kumbel Kumbell". Source: Wikipedia
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
joke




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT +2. The time now is 20:19.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0