know a good one? [jokes thread]

[curley]

	Quote:	doropfiz
	The coin-flipping reminded me of Piet Hein's Psychological Tip: Whenever you’re called on to make up your mind, and you’re hampered by not having any, the best way to solve the dilemma, you’ll find, is simply by spinning a penny. No – not so that chance shall decide the affair while you’re passively standing there moping; but the moment the penny is up in the air, you suddenly know what you’re hoping. Piet Hein (December 16, 1905–April 17, 1996) was a Danish scientist, mathematician, inventor, designer, author, and poet, often writing under the Old Norse pseudonym "Kumbel" meaning "tombstone". His short poems, known as gruks or grooks, first started to appear in the daily newspaper "Politiken" shortly after the Nazi occupation in April 1940 under the pseudonym "Kumbel Kumbell". Source: Wikipedia

Very good!

I watched an arte-report about Turkey today (made me wanna visit) .... which lead me to Dschalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi: <<..... even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again , come , come>> which made me wonder if I could ever be this forgiving?

From there I was lead on to Nasreddin Hoca, (all due to this arte-report) which leads back to what this therad is actually about:

How does this work?

[doropfiz]

Excellent! Thank you, Curley, for sharing your excursion, and for so elegantly causing a less-than-elegant cackle in my home.

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor,
“Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.”
“Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn’t reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we’ll get an idea about the severity of her deafness.”

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off standing about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says,
“Honey, what’s for dinner?”
He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks loudly,
“Honey, what’s for dinner?”
She replies, “For the fourth time, vegetable stew!”

[swissotter]

	Quote:	robBob
	Little boy: May I go to the bathroom French teacher: Oui Oui Little boy: No! Plop. Plop.

on similar lines (as in silliness)


what do you call a frenchman who wears sandals?


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Phillipe Phallope

	Quote:	curley
	Very good! I watched an arte-report about Turkey today (made me wanna visit) .... which lead me to Dschalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi: <<..... even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again , come , come>> which made me wonder if I could ever be this forgiving? From there I was lead on to Nasreddin Hoca, (all due to this arte-report) which leads back to what this therad is actually about: How does this work?

Tales of the Hodja is one of my most cherished mementoes of my childhood. My father gave me the book when I was nine or ten. It's a wonderful collection of parables and cautionary tales, all delivered with great humour and often, a sting in the tail. I must dig it out and read it again!

Why do the French have only one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un œuf.

[swissotter]

	Quote:	doropfiz
	The coin-flipping reminded me of Piet Hein's Psychological Tip: Whenever you’re called on to make up your mind, and you’re hampered by not having any, the best way to solve the dilemma, you’ll find, is simply by spinning a penny. No – not so that chance shall decide the affair while you’re passively standing there moping; but the moment the penny is up in the air, you suddenly know what you’re hoping. Piet Hein (December 16, 1905–April 17, 1996) was a Danish scientist, mathematician, inventor, designer, author, and poet, often writing under the Old Norse pseudonym "Kumbel" meaning "tombstone". His short poems, known as gruks or grooks, first started to appear in the daily newspaper "Politiken" shortly after the Nazi occupation in April 1940 under the pseudonym "Kumbel Kumbell". Source: Wikipedia

interesting!

[swissotter]

Three men walk through the Arabian desert and they've completely run out of water. They manage to keep walking until they spot a well out in the distance. They excitedly hurry to the well only to find that it's too deep, and they can't even see any water at the bottom, so they devise a plan.

The first drops a pebble into the well and they listen for a splash, but nothing happens. The second drops a rock in and they listen. But again no splash. The third man drops an even bigger rock, but still nothing.
Then, between the three of them, they haul a massive boulder to the edge of the well and roll it in.

They listen for a splash, but they hear nothing, not even a small plop. As the men sulk in defeat and dehydration, a lone goat flies straight toward them at amazing speed, and dives straight into the well.
The men look at each other in surprise wondering if what they saw really happened

Shortly after, a shepherd comes along and finds the men by the well, and he asks them, "Have any of you men seen my goat?"
The three men look at each other, then at the shepherd and say, "Well, we don't know if it was yours, but some crazy goat just flew into that bottomless pit!"

The shepherd gives them a hearty chuckle and explains to them, "Oh no, that couldn't have been my goat, my goat was tied to a massive boulder!"

[swissotter]

To the thief who stole my antidepressants, I hope you're happy now.

[swissotter]

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read: "Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edith"

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.




A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read: "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love I was able to fix a wonderful dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your generous gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. It must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.

Sincerely, Edith"

The Bermuda triangle used to be known as the Bermuda rectangle, until one of the sides mysteriously vanished.

Police came across two boys in the park, one was drinking battery acid and the second was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other off.

[swissotter]

Conjoined twins walk into a bar in Canada.
One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please".
The bartender, feeling rather awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers.
"Been on holiday yet lads?" he asked.
"Off to England next month" says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim".
"Ah, England" says the bartender, "Wonderful country, the history....the beer....the culture"
"Nah, we don't like that British crap" says John. "Hamburgers and Molson beer, that's us, eh Jim. And we can't stand the English, they're so arrogant and rude".
"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.


John replies "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive".

[doropfiz]

	Quote:	Swisstree
	The Bermuda triangle used to be known as the Bermuda rectangle, until one of the sides mysteriously vanished.

If they keep taking sides like that, maybe we'll one day finally get to the point of it all.

	Quote:	doropfiz
	If they keep taking sides like that, maybe we'll one day finally get to the point of it all.

No, Doropfiz, you're not suppose to analyse it, for crying out loud..

Anyway, I have just heard my best mate has fainted on the London eye..

But it's okay, he's slowly coming around.

[JagWaugh]

	Quote:	Swisstree
	No, Doropfiz, you're not suppose to analyse it, for crying out loud..

Now now, don't be obtuse. If the Bermuda triangle has lost a side then it's acute.

[marton]

	Quote:	JagWaugh
	Now now, don't be obtuse. If the Bermuda triangle has lost a side then it's acute.

If the Bermuda triangle has lost a side then it is at best two sides of this discussion?

	Quote:	JagWaugh
	Now now, don't be obtuse. If the Bermuda triangle has lost a side then it's acute.

Don't be cute.. this is all a bit parallel if you ask me, and going nowhere..

	Quote:	marton
	If the Bermuda triangle has lost a side then it is at best two sides of this discussion?

Ha, where's your link, marton? You need a transversal one..

Doropfiz might have had a point after all..

[aSwissInTheUS]

	Quote:	Swisstree
	Don't be cute.. this is all a bit parallel if you ask me, and going nowhere..

This joke clearly took a tangent.