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  #1421  
Old 02.11.2019, 00:25
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1422  
Old 02.11.2019, 09:56
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Compliments are beautiful, but you never know if they are genuine. Instead, the insults are spoken from the heart.
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  #1423  
Old 02.11.2019, 13:48
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Insults are spoken from the heart, yes, but the speaker doesn't necessarily believe the content of the insult. Sometimes, that heart so longs to offend that any hurtful comment will suit its purposes.

Interesting side-trip from the jokes, greenmount. Thank you.
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  #1424  
Old 02.11.2019, 14:03
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Aaaaand, back we go to the jokes:

Someone just rang my phone, sneezed, then hung up..

I hate these cold calls.
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  #1425  
Old 02.11.2019, 14:11
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

I went into the cake shop and said to the baker:

"How come all your cakes are £1 apart from this one which is £2?"

He said:

"Because that's Madeira cake!"
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  #1426  
Old 02.11.2019, 14:38
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Itís a 4 minute walk from my house to the bar.

Itís a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house.

The difference is staggering.
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  #1427  
Old 02.11.2019, 14:48
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Q.: How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

A.: As mushroom as possible.
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  #1428  
Old 02.11.2019, 14:50
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Cannibal.

(n.) Someone who is fed up with people.
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  #1429  
Old 06.11.2019, 18:39
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

I used to have a fear of horse chestnuts.

But I have conkered it.
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  #1430  
Old 07.11.2019, 12:01
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

A maths teacher struggling to get one fat student to understand fractions asks:
If you have 10 cookies and I take half, what do I have?
A black eye and sore nuts, sir.
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  #1431  
Old 07.11.2019, 13:56
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

I call my horse Mayo,


And sometimes Mayo neighs.
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  #1432  
Old 07.11.2019, 14:18
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Name:  WhatsApp Image 2019-10-08 at 15.10.24.jpeg
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  #1433  
Old 07.11.2019, 14:33
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Argentina is surprisingly cold.

In fact it's bordering on Chile.
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  #1434  
Old 08.11.2019, 18:31
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Customs officer: "Father, are you aware that all these bottles in your luggage labelled 'Holy Water' actually contain whisky?"

Priest: "Saints be praised, another miracle!"
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  #1435  
Old 10.11.2019, 15:46
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.

After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.

He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."

I said, "You're not coming in, mate!"

He said, "I don't want to come in. I just want you to step out of the car."
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  #1436  
Old 14.11.2019, 04:27
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

This is from earlier in this thread... and old one posted by Sbrinz, but it made me smile again today.
https://www.englishforum.ch/1661875-post1169.html
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  #1437  
Old 14.11.2019, 08:53
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #1438  
Old 16.11.2019, 18:05
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

How do fish get high?




seaweed.
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  #1439  
Old 16.11.2019, 18:17
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
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  #1440  
Old 16.11.2019, 19:01
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

I told my OH I had the body of a Greek god.
She said Buddha is not Greek.
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