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  #161  
Old 04.08.2007, 10:40
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

One day God decided he wanted to go on vacation, yet He was could not decide on where to go.

Trying to help one angel offered, "Why don't you go to Mercury?"

To this God replied, "I've been there before, and I got the worst sunburn ever."

Another angel said, "You should go to Mars."

"I've been there too. It's way too cold, and theres not even any skiing," Replied God.

A third angel chimes in, "What about Earth? It's really pretty. I've been there, so I know."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I went there once, and they still accuse me of getting some girl pregnant," sighs God.
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  #162  
Old 06.08.2007, 23:15
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

3 rabbi's are having dinner together, one rabbi looks troubled. He then stops eating and says, "Something has been bothering me deeply. I sent my son away to learn, and he came back a christian."

The second rabbi looks suprised, and after a moments pause, says, "You know that funny because MY son also went away and came back a christian!"

The 3rd Rabbi looks really dumbfounded and stammers out "Thats funny! Because I I sent MY son away too, and he came back a christian!"

So they all decide they must pray for answers.

And God answers back,

"You know thats funny because MY son......
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  #163  
Old 07.08.2007, 17:24
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

all I'm going to say is,

"Me in my lucky blue raincoat"
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  #164  
Old 08.08.2007, 19:11
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]


Not really a joke, but still cute and funny to me. - A little girl chasing a robber.



http://www.myeyewitnessnews.com/medi...ideo.abc24.com
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  #165  
Old 09.08.2007, 12:32
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

A woman goes to her HR manager with a complaint:
'Keith keeps coming up to me and telling me that my hair smells nice.'
'Hmm...' says the HR guy, 'well, it's hardly sex discrimination, is it?'
'No, I don't think you understand - Keith's a midget.'
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  #166  
Old 09.08.2007, 13:05
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Quote:
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3 rabbi's are having dinner together, one rabbi looks troubled. He then stops eating and says, "Something has been bothering me deeply. I sent my son away to learn, and he came back a christian."

The second rabbi looks suprised, and after a moments pause, says, "You know that funny because MY son also went away and came back a christian!"

The 3rd Rabbi looks really dumbfounded and stammers out "Thats funny! Because I I sent MY son away too, and he came back a christian!"

So they all decide they must pray for answers.

And God answers back,

"You know thats funny because MY son......
To continue on a religious theme, I saw a bumper (fender) sticker last year that said

"Jesus loves you. But I'm his favourite"
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  #167  
Old 09.08.2007, 14:09
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start
button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
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  #168  
Old 10.08.2007, 08:59
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Teamwork in the UK.

Last edited by grumpygrapefruit; 30.09.2011 at 19:42.
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  #169  
Old 10.08.2007, 13:32
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

How can you identify a swiss person in a shoe store?


They are the ones not looking at the shoes but the boxes
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  #170  
Old 10.08.2007, 14:36
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

A pirate walks into a bar and he's got a really big ships steering wheel coming outta his pants. The bartender asks "What's with the steering wheel?

Pirate responds "Arrrrggghhh, it's driving me nuts."
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  #171  
Old 10.08.2007, 14:51
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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  #172  
Old 10.08.2007, 15:10
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

My personal fave:


A guys walks into a bar . . . . Ouch!

----------------------------------------
Or

Have you seen the new Pirate movie? It's rated Arrrrrggggghghghg
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  #173  
Old 10.08.2007, 15:17
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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Have you seen the new Pirate movie? It's rated Arrrrrggggghghghg

Why do pirates go to the opera?

For the arrrrias and high C's .....
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  #174  
Old 10.08.2007, 15:21
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

I knew a Swiss couple, he was blind, she was seeing. If had an argument, she would change the furniture around when he was at work.
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  #175  
Old 10.08.2007, 15:28
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]



San diego firefighter.
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  #176  
Old 14.08.2007, 23:55
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

I rear ended a car this morning... I could tell it was going to be a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF.
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
That's how the fight started...

Last edited by brie; 24.08.2007 at 13:50.
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  #177  
Old 15.08.2007, 01:27
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

This actually happened to me today. I phoned my husband from a store, I knew that he needed some aftershave.
I said " do you ind if I buy you some aftershave?, I heard a happy "yes"- so I continued " Oh good I found this one it's cheap and it reminds me of you". I brought it home and he won't wear it- Men are never satisfied.
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  #178  
Old 15.08.2007, 08:14
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

Q - Whats the smelliest thing in the world?

A - An anchovys A**hole.
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  #179  
Old 15.08.2007, 08:25
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

16 year old boy gets home at 3am and is set upon by his dad..

'Where the hell have you been till this hour' he demands.

'Sorry im late dad but I lost my virginity tonight'

'Oh son thats great, come and sit down, tell me all about it'

'I cant sit down'
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  #180  
Old 15.08.2007, 18:00
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Re: know a good one? [jokes thread]

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I was sure the punchline picture to that would be the dog legging it out the door with the lottery ticket.
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