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  #1  
Old 04.05.2011, 21:30
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Signs that you're becoming Swiss

In my opinion, there are some clear signs that one is slowly but surely turning into a Swiss!

For instance, have you ever caught yourself switching out a perfectly fine TV to buy a new one which fits your furniture better?

Or have you ever wondered why your neighbor would use such ugly curtains?

What other signs are there to tell whether you are becoming Swiss? I can't wait to read your contributions...
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  #2  
Old 04.05.2011, 21:49
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Re: Signs that you're becoming Swiss

You are ready for Swiss nationality if..

1. you complain if your bus/train/tram is more than 5 minutes late, no make
that 1 minute

2. you've ever been confused with a Swede

3. you laugh when Americans believe that Swiss Miss is a Swiss product, but
then have no clue that Nestlé and Rolex are also

4. you get frustrated if you go grocery shopping abroad and there aren't at
least 10 different kinds of chocolate and 15 kinds of cheese available

5. you have learned three to four languages and think this is completely normal

6. you have ever been asked - upon stating your nationality - whether you live
in the mountains and whether you can yodel

7. you can pronounce "Chuchichäschtli" and you know what it means

8. you have ever been asked who the president of Switzerland is and then failed
miserably trying to explain why you've lost track

9. you know what "Röschti" are and you have crossed the
"Röschtigrabe" at some point

10. you went to a state-funded ski camp every year with your classmates in high
school

11. to you, skis are like the extensions of your feet, because you've skied
since you could walk

12. you are amused when people ask you what language is spoken in your home
country and/or you have to explain that "Swiss" is not a language,
that there are four national languages and none of them is called
"Swiss"!

13. you owned a Swatch growing up... or still do

14. you've ever seen "Sandmännchen" dubbed into Romansch

15. as a female, you give all your friends three kisses on the cheeks as a
greeting

16. you love Migros and you swear that some of their products are better than
anything you've ever seen elsewhere

17. you've ever been asked by your non-Swiss friends to intervene in a fight
and used "hey, I'm Swiss" as an excuse not to

18. your country has six different public television channels in three
different languages - and you don't think this is unusual

19. you get amused when you see Swiss German people being subtitled on German
television

20. you firmly believe it is more important to do things accurately than to do
them quickly

21. you were legally allowed to drink beer and wine at the age of sixteen

22. you walked to kindergarten without supervision, wearing a large orange
triangle around your neck

23. you think it's normal that everyone has a bunker underneath their house, or
is registered for one of the public bunkers under the school building, for
emergency situations... by the way, here's a fun thing to do: invite over some
of your foreign friends (Americans make very good candidates) and take a
picture of the look on their face when they SEE the bunker. Priceless!

24. when being asked to explain how certain things work in your country, you
have to use the phrase "it differs for each canton, so..."

25. you are asked to vote on a "Referendum" or "Initiative"
at least 3 or 4 times a year

26. you are used to drinking from any public fountain in the street unless
there is a warning sign that says "no drinking water"

27. you grew up believing all cows must wear bells

28. you think that driving somewhere for four hours is a hell of a long time

29. you get slightly irritated or at least confused if your foreign visitors
ask to see a chocolate factory

30. you know what Betty Bossi books and products are and have bought one

31. you know someone that collects the tin foil lids from coffee cream tubs

32. you don't see where the problem is when every male citizen who has been to
the army has an assault rifle under his bed

33. you have to pay twice the price for museum entries because you're not a
citizen of the EU, although you live in Europe!

34. you are in a non-European country and can hear people talking Swiss German
and just go up and strike up a conversation with a complete stranger

35. no matter how much of a "bad-ass" you think you are, you will
still pick up your candy wrapper off the floor if an old lady asks you too

36. you think everything is cheap abroad compared to Swiss prices!
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  #3  
Old 04.05.2011, 22:00
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Re: Signs that you're becoming Swiss

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For instance, have you ever caught yourself switching out a perfectly fine TV to buy a new one which fits your furniture better?
That doesn't sound very Swiss to me at all. Most Swiss I know wouldn't consider buying a new TV or any appliance if the old in is perfect working order. I guess there are different kinds of Swiss out there!
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  #4  
Old 04.05.2011, 22:38
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Re: Signs that you're becoming Swiss

Here are two recent(ish) threads on the same topic: -

help! I am becoming a bit Swiss

OMG. I'm becoming Swiss!
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  #5  
Old 04.05.2011, 22:51
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Re: Signs that you're becoming Swiss

Quote:
View Post
You are ready for Swiss nationality if..

1. you complain if your bus/train/tram is more than 5 minutes late, no make
that 1 minute

2. you've ever been confused with a Swede

3. you laugh when Americans believe that Swiss Miss is a Swiss product, but
then have no clue that Nestlé and Rolex are also

4. you get frustrated if you go grocery shopping abroad and there aren't at
least 10 different kinds of chocolate and 15 kinds of cheese available

5. you have learned three to four languages and think this is completely normal

6. you have ever been asked - upon stating your nationality - whether you live
in the mountains and whether you can yodel

7. you can pronounce "Chuchichäschtli" and you know what it means

8. you have ever been asked who the president of Switzerland is and then failed
miserably trying to explain why you've lost track

9. you know what "Röschti" are and you have crossed the
"Röschtigrabe" at some point

10. you went to a state-funded ski camp every year with your classmates in high
school

11. to you, skis are like the extensions of your feet, because you've skied
since you could walk

12. you are amused when people ask you what language is spoken in your home
country and/or you have to explain that "Swiss" is not a language,
that there are four national languages and none of them is called
"Swiss"!

13. you owned a Swatch growing up... or still do

14. you've ever seen "Sandmännchen" dubbed into Romansch

15. as a female, you give all your friends three kisses on the cheeks as a
greeting

16. you love Migros and you swear that some of their products are better than
anything you've ever seen elsewhere

17. you've ever been asked by your non-Swiss friends to intervene in a fight
and used "hey, I'm Swiss" as an excuse not to

18. your country has six different public television channels in three
different languages - and you don't think this is unusual

19. you get amused when you see Swiss German people being subtitled on German
television

20. you firmly believe it is more important to do things accurately than to do
them quickly

21. you were legally allowed to drink beer and wine at the age of sixteen

22. you walked to kindergarten without supervision, wearing a large orange
triangle around your neck

23. you think it's normal that everyone has a bunker underneath their house, or
is registered for one of the public bunkers under the school building, for
emergency situations... by the way, here's a fun thing to do: invite over some
of your foreign friends (Americans make very good candidates) and take a
picture of the look on their face when they SEE the bunker. Priceless!

24. when being asked to explain how certain things work in your country, you
have to use the phrase "it differs for each canton, so..."

25. you are asked to vote on a "Referendum" or "Initiative"
at least 3 or 4 times a year

26. you are used to drinking from any public fountain in the street unless
there is a warning sign that says "no drinking water"

27. you grew up believing all cows must wear bells

28. you think that driving somewhere for four hours is a hell of a long time

29. you get slightly irritated or at least confused if your foreign visitors
ask to see a chocolate factory

30. you know what Betty Bossi books and products are and have bought one

31. you know someone that collects the tin foil lids from coffee cream tubs

32. you don't see where the problem is when every male citizen who has been to
the army has an assault rifle under his bed

33. you have to pay twice the price for museum entries because you're not a
citizen of the EU, although you live in Europe!

34. you are in a non-European country and can hear people talking Swiss German
and just go up and strike up a conversation with a complete stranger

35. no matter how much of a "bad-ass" you think you are, you will
still pick up your candy wrapper off the floor if an old lady asks you too

36. you think everything is cheap abroad compared to Swiss prices!
LOL!!!! you have enough time to be bothered to write such awesomely amusing factoids in perfectly formed and numbered bullet points!!!

Awesome! ( was going for the thank button but it seems to have disappeared, so thanks for a big smile this end )
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  #6  
Old 04.05.2011, 23:01
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Re: Signs that you're becoming Swiss

Quote:
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36. you think everything is cheap abroad compared to Swiss prices!
Go to Corsica or Norway and try to find anything cheaper than here!

Tom
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  #7  
Old 05.05.2011, 00:20
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Re: Signs that you're becoming Swiss

Quote:
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LOL!!!! you have enough time to be bothered to write such awesomely amusing factoids....
No. Just copy and paste...
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  #8  
Old 05.05.2011, 00:35
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Re: Signs that you're becoming Swiss

I found this one for London,

1. You don't even bother looking out of the window when you get up in the morning to check what the day is like. You know it is overcast.

2. You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Daytime Sunday is also entirely reasonable.

3. You can't remember what 'customer service' means.

4. After a big night out you find yourself looking for a Curry house and not a 24 hour McDonalds.

5. You start to accept queuing as a way of life.

6. More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive.

7. You always call soccer 'football' ...and you have a team...and it's not Manchester United.

8. You don't think twice about buying a packaged sandwich.

9. A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear.

10. You expect men to actually cut, comb and style their hair (using hair products). And to wear decent clothes. Jeans and a t-shirt are no longer socially acceptable.

11. You think 40 quid for a haircut is quite reasonable.

12. You finish every sentence with "Cheers" or "In'it", and start every conversation with Hiya.

13. You only just realise you have lost your sunglasses - you left them in Greece 2 summers ago.

14. You start thinking English cuisine isn't all that bad after all, I mean, it's hard to beat a full English breakfast.

15. You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat.

16. You buy a disposable baby BBQ from Argos.

17. You realise your sunscreen is the stuff you originally brought from home with you.

18. A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while standing on golf ball-size pebbles and the thought of swimming doesn't even enter your head.

19. You actually say, "Sor'ed" or "it's all gone a bit pear shaped".

20. Wearing a suit in a pub is relatively normal attire.

21. You have given up complaining about the Victorian-like banking services offered in the UK.

22. You have given up explaining why you are half an hour late to work as no-one notices or even cares. In fact - you may even join the one hour gossip session around the coffee machine before booting up your computer.

23. Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed expected at least once a week.

.
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  #9  
Old 05.05.2011, 00:49
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Re: Signs that you're becoming Swiss

From Afghanistan:



From the girls:
  1. You can drive kph, next to a tank, overtaking a donkey, in a head on collision with a Russian taxi and a Pakistani truck and not bat an eyelid.
  2. You can eat a local kebab, drink a glass of tap water and put ice in your cocktail and not poo like a fire hydrant for the next month
  3. You can weave through the back streets of Kabul, on a route designed simply to avoid bomb holes in the road.
  4. A male colleague says “That head veil looks great on you. Very Greta Garbo”. (Actually that’s a sign he’s been here too long)
  5. Afghan men start stoning you and instead of running away, you heave rocks back and let out a stream of vitriolic expletives
  6. You drive over the Hindu Kush and don’t even take any photos
  7. You realize, in fact, you haven’t taken any photos for five months
  8. The food at L’Atmosphere starts tasting good
  9. You haven’t shaved your legs for months and don’t care
  10. You start partying with the French for lack of anything else to do
  11. You notice a male friend getting turned on at the sight of a woman’s finely turned ankle peeking out from under her trousers (Again, that’s a sign he’s been here too long)
  12. You actually remember to do radio check
  13. Being stopped at road blocks with AK47s pointing at your head is considered mildly annoying
  14. You’ve neglected your bikini line so long you need a weed whacker to get through it.
  15. It takes you three weeks to get out of the post-R&R blues; then you spend the next three weeks planning your next R&R, avoiding work the whole time because you are a) too depressed or b) too excited.
  16. You light your own wood hearter by pouring 4 litres of diesel on some wood and throwing in a match
  17. You don’t even need to see the menu at the Elbow Room but can recite it in its entirety in manner of Koran
  18. You go home on R&R and describe your location to a taxi driver as the third lane off fouth street of the north road, through the roundabout, past the tree, look for the school, and it’s the second green gate on the right. Beware of the dog.
  19. You have seen every DVD available on Chicken Street
  20. “I married my first cousin” is not longer shocking, but in fact, seems kinda nice.
  21. You go shopping and think, “oooh, that head veil’s nice.”
  22. You’ve referred to every male friend you know as your husband at least twice
  23. Seeing a shotgun under your boyfriend’s bed seems comforting rather than disturbing
  24. Finishing your contract and going home to walk into the bowels of middle class mediocrity doesn’t seem that bad anymore.
  25. You automatically get in the back seat of every vehicle because that’s where women belong
  26. You see five women in burqas walking towards you and you can tell which one is your cleaning lady
From the boys
  1. You no longer bother removing the prehistoric insects from the bath before you shower.
  2. The bottle of whiskey you kept under your pillow starts to travel to work with you.
  3. You no longer flinch when thirteen Afghan men line up to kiss you on the cheek in the morning (for men only).
  4. You begin to contemplate whether or not you like women with downy upper lips.
  5. You use farting as a tactic to keep people out of your office.
  6. Your homepage is www.reliefweb.org/jobs
  7. You know that you are spending the prime of your life in hell, yet you don’t remember what prime means, or life.
  8. The pentagonal Chinese women at Supreme wink at you, and you wink back.
  9. The first thing you think when you wake up every morning is: ‘Damn! I’m in Afghanistan.’
  10. You no longer take showers even on the rare occasion there is hot water.
  11. The black phlegm you hack up all morning, every day, doesn’t scare you.
  12. Your phone directory is full of people who have left.
  13. Various parts of you twitch and you don’t even notice.
  14. You begin making regular trips to Baghram bazaar for contraband, and start taking orders for friends.
  15. For a good time, you get in your car, with your flatmate to go find the scene of a rocket impact, holding a shotgun in the backseat in case it all goes wrong.
  16. You eat MREs to stay regular.
  17. MREs don’t keep you regular.
  18. You mistake other people’s gas for body odor and visa versa.
  19. You can’t remember why you ever came here.
  20. Yu start speling licke the Afghans in yer afice.
  21. You notice you are walking everywhere as though you carried a concealed weapon.
  22. You start carrying a concealed weapon.
  23. You step into a sewer and don’t even wash your foot.
  24. You’re leaving tomorrow and aren’t even sure if you should pack everything or go at all.
  25. You don’t mind when the barber smears lamb fat on your face to smoothen the shave
  26. You think your driver isn’t using his horn enough
  27. You don’t wonder why that guy is pointing his gun at you
  28. Instead of daydreaming about women, you daydream about heroically battling your way free of would-be kidnappers
  29. You start using bastardized Afghan-English words like “fillanger” (a car part) because you don’t know, or can’t remember, the proper English term. Ex: “The fillanger is broken AGAIN? How much does a new fillanger cost? Buy two.”
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  #10  
Old 05.05.2011, 00:54
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Re: Signs that you're becoming Swiss

When pingu becomes your favorite cartoon
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  #11  
Old 05.05.2011, 01:05
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Re: Signs that you're becoming Swiss

From China:

You've been in China too long when,

1. Before asking someone’s age, you ask what animal they are.
2. You start picking at other people’s dinner plates before they even offer you a taste.
3. You eat family style at any and all restaurants, Chinese or not.
4. You would rather wait on the street for an extra ten minutes for a small cab, than pay the extra for a big cab.
5. You don’t have to speak to taxi drivers. Every cab in town has taken you home at least once, so they all know where you live.
6. It seems entirely sensible to take a cab across town for 12 yuan in each direction to buy something that costs 4 yuan, and they sell right outside your house anyway.
7. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.
8. You invite friends over for dinner, and serve thousand year old eggs as an appetiser.
9. You buy a round trip air ticket in China.
10. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
11. You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai.
12. You think singing Karaoke on Friday nights is fun.
13. Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
14. You consider McDonalds a treat.
15. You ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.
16. You talk louder than is necessary.
17. You are the last of your first group of friends still in China.
18. You prefer using chopsticks.
19. Chinese fashion starts looking hip.
20. You no longer notice the hooting on the streets.
21. You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle.
22. Your body no longer needs dairy products.
23. You think Yangshou is a nice place for a holiday.
24. The last time you visited your mother, you gave her your business card
25. You start to enjoy the taste of bai jiu.
26. You go back home for a short visit, get in a car and start giving the driver directions in Chinese.
27. You have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.
28. Your idea of a larger home is an extra 10 square meters.
29. You get used to having a before dinner, during dinner, and after dinner cigarette.
30. You think no car is complete without a tissue box on the rear shelf and a feather duster in the trunk.
31. You go to the local shop in pyjamas.
32. You wouldn’t think of buying any appliance that doesn’t come in lime green.
33. You wonder why none of your friends back home have VCD players
34. You see some real cleavage and think WOW!
35. You ask fellow foreigners the all-important question “How long have you been here?” in order to be able to properly categorize them.
36. You speak putonghua better than the locals.
37. You buy the local newspaper because you forget that you can’t read Chinese.
38. When looking out the window, you think “Wow, so many trees!” instead of “Wow, so much concrete!”
39. You seriously contemplate putting bathroom tiles on the outside of your house back home.
40. You can swear in 3 different dialects.
41. Pollution, what pollution?
42. You think squat toilets are more sensible
43. You notice you’ve forgotten how to tie shoelaces.
44. You start wearing long thermal underwear on October 1st no matter what the temperature is.
45. You stop wearing long thermal underwear on May 1st no matter what the temperature is.
46. You phone an English-speaking laowai friend and somehow can’t bring yourself to get to the point for the first 3 minutes of the conversation.
47. You stop enjoying telling newcomers to China ‘all about China’.
48. You think “English literature major” is a polite way to say peanut brained bimbo.
49. You are not surprised to wake up in the morning and find that the woman who stayed over last night has completely cleaned your apartment, even though you’ll probably never ever meet her again.
50. You develop a liking for corn flavoured ice cream.
51. You think the best part of TV are the commercials.
52. When you think it’s alright to stick your head into a stranger’s apartment to see if anybody’s home.
53. You think that you can impress foreigners by drinking Budweiser.
54. You have run out of snappy comebacks to compliments about your chopstick skills.
55. You think “white pills, blue pills, and pink powder” is an adequate answer to the question “What are you giving me, doctor?”.
56. Someone doesn’t stare at you and you wonder why.
57. 70 degrees F. feels cold.
58. You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.
59. “Squid” sounds better than “steak”.
60. There are more things strapped to your cycle than you ever put in a car.
61. Looking at a dog makes you hungry.
62. Firecrackers don’t wake you up.
63. Your family stops asking when you’ll be coming back.
64. You don’t mind when your date picks his/her nose in public.
65. You wear out your vehicle’s horn before it's brakes.
66. Smoking is one of the dinner courses.
67. You (male) wear white socks with your business suits.
68. You (female) wear socks over your pantyhose in summer.
69. People who knew you when you first arrived don’t recognize you.
70. You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.
71. You buy a top-of-the-line karaoke machine.
72. None of your shoes have laces.
73. Chinese stop you on the street to ask for directions.
74. You leave the plastic on all new purchases.
75. Forks feel funny.
76. The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.
77. People who haven’t seen you for months don’t ask where you’ve been.
78. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
79. The only foreigners who have been here longer than you are buried here.
80. You find yourself saying, “Oh geez, not ANOTHER Year of the Rat!”
81. You get homesick for Chinese food when away from China.
82. It becomes a tradition that at least part of Christmas dinner is stir-fried.
83. Other foreigners give you a funny look when you tell them how long you’ve been here.
84. The Statute of Limitations has expired and you still don’t go home.
85. You realize that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for, “Go away & leave me alone.”
86. Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.
87. The Lunar Calendar ALWAYS takes precedence.
88. Pizza just doesn’t taste right unless there’s corn on it.
89. It’s been at least 18 months since you used the word “tacky” to describe anything.
90. Summers are too short; winters too long.
91. 250cc is a REALLY BIG motorcycle. (You think moving from a 125cc to a 150cc makes you more macho.)
92. All the top-level government officials you befriended for guanxi purposes when you first arrived are retired and living in your country.
93. Eating at ‘Western’ restaurants, you wait until after dessert to drink your soup.
94. Your thumbnail is 2 inches long.
95. After being in an accident, you tell the ambulance driver which hospital to take you to.
96. None of CNN’s “China Experts” have been here as long as you.
97. You salt your fruit.
98. That unopened bottle of XO has aged longer on your living room shelf than it ever did in France.
99. Your company offers you a job in your native land, and includes regular “Home Leave” to China as an incentive.
100. Household furnishings are arranged for optimal feng-shui.
101. You can make elevators go faster by boarding first and taking over the controls.
102. You stop calling the Guinness Book of Records people each time you kill a cockroach.
103. You think of ‘salad’ as diced apples in mayonnaise
104. You don’t recognise a bowl of chicken soup unless there’s feet and a head in it.
105. Your favourite pizza toppings are corn and shrimp.
106. You don’t bother to take the sticker off the lenses of your fake Ray-Bans.
107. In the summer, you roll the legs of your pants up to your knees whenever you sit down.
108. (men) And you roll your shirt up to your nipples.
109. You only wear a suit when you dig ditches or do home repairs.
110. You have a purse and you are male.
111. You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio.
112. You smoke in crowded elevators.
113. You like the smell of the bus.
114. You go to the hospital at the first signs of a cold.
115. You don’t notice your gastrointestinal problems anymore.
116. You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
117. Your handshake is weakening by the day.
118. You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes.
119. You can’t put a proper sentence together in your native language.
120. You aren’t aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
121. Drilling on the walls in the wee small hours in the morning is considered acceptable behaviour.
122. You get offended when people admire your chopsticks skills.
123. You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
124. Your collection of business cards has outgrown your flat.
125. You know that leather shoes can grow leaves during the wet season.
126. You use the word “Ayyiieeaaahh” every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.
127. You speak enough Chinese to make your colleagues laugh their heads off (attempts with anyone else still only draw blank stares).
128. You and a friend get on a bus, sit at opposite ends of the bus, and continue your conversation by yelling from one end to the other.
129. You get on a bus alone and pretend to have a friend at the other end of the bus!
130. You always get a seat on a bus.
131. You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.
132. You cannot say “Call me.” without making a pretend phone with your fingers and sticking to your ear.
133. You eat at exactly the same time every day, whether you are hungry or not. Then eat again later when you ARE hungry.
134. You think a pedestrian crossing over the street is ‘beautiful’.
135. You start making lists like this.
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