Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Off-Topic > Off-Topic > Jokes/funnies  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11.07.2011, 15:55
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Zurich
Posts: 583
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 280 Times in 173 Posts
we_da_man is considered knowledgeablewe_da_man is considered knowledgeablewe_da_man is considered knowledgeable
Kulula Airlines

Hi All,

I just got this e-mail and it was so funny indeed hilarious, I thought Imust share.

I do not know if anyone has got it already but if not, please read, laugh,enjoy and be ready to cry!

##############################################

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline thatdoesn't take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! And have a readabout their Customer Relations.











WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY -WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.

Kulula is an Airline with head office situated inJohannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight"safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heardor reported:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating,you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard timechoosing, when a flight attendant announced,"People, people we're notpicking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

---o0o---

On another flight with a very "senior"flight attendant crew, the pilot said,"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reachedcruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for yourcomfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

----o0o---

On landing, the stewardess said,"Please besure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, pleasemake sure it's something we'd like to have."

----o0o---

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover,but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

---o0o---

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope youenjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for aride."

---o0o---

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop atDurban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker, "Whoa, big fella.WHOA!"

---o0o--

After a particularly rough landing duringthunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flightannounced,"Please take care when opening the overhead compartmentsbecause, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

---o0o---

From a Kulula employee, "Welcome aboardKulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tabinto the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; andif you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in publicunsupervised."

---o0o---

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabinpressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask,and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you,secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with morethan one small child, pick your favorite."

---o0o---

"Weather at our destination is 50 degreeswith some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than KululaAirlines."

----o0o---

"Your seats cushions can be used forflotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle toshore and take them with our compliments."

---o0o---

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gatherall of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly amongthe flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

---o0o---

And from the pilot during his welcome message,

"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that wehave some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none ofthem are on this flight!"

---o0oŚ

This was heard on Kulula 255 just after a veryhard landing in Cape Town. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here totell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn'tthe flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

---o0oŚ

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on aparticularly windy and bumpy day... During the final approach, the Captainreally had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendantsaid,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The MotherCity. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while theCaptain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

---o0oŚ

Another flight attendant's comment on a less thanperfect landing, "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroobounces us to the terminal."

---o0oŚ

An airline pilot wrote that on this particularflight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had apolicy which required the first officer to stand at the door while thepassengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying ourairline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard timelooking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smartcomment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walkingwith a cane. She said,

"Sir, do you mind if I ask you aquestion?"

"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot."What is it?"

The little old lady said,

"Did we land, or were we shot down?"

---o0oŚ

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg,the attendant came on with,"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in yourseats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to ascreeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and thewarning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way throughthe wreckage to the terminal."

---o0oŚ

Part of a flight attendant's arrivalannouncement...

"We'd like to thank you folks for flying withus today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through theskies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of KululaAirways."

---o0oŚ

Heard on a Kulula flight.....

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke,the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, youcan smoke 'em."

---o0o---


Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
airline, jokes, laugh out loud




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Airlines handling parrots? phdoofus Pet corner 18 03.05.2010 08:05
Pegasus Airlines axsixas Transportation/driving 1 01.12.2009 11:13
airlines to spain?? glendamwm Transportation/driving 28 24.08.2009 15:54
Delta Airlines Natasha Transportation/driving 12 31.07.2009 12:17
Swiss Airlines New TV ad AbFab TV/internet/telephone 21 07.11.2006 17:21


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 16:11.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0