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Old 18.10.2011, 20:03
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Lawyers

Q. Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy.
Q. Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A. Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and night crawlers.
Q. What's the definition of a lawyer?
A. A mouth with a life support system.

Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new car.

Q. Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
A. No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Q. What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A. The caterer.
Q. How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
A. Other lawyers look interested.
Q. What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What's the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon?
A. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Q. If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?
A. Who cares?

Q. What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never see them.


Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A. Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.

Q. What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A. Jewelry.


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  #2  
Old 18.10.2011, 20:20
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Re: Lawyers

The only real honest lawyer I`ve ever met - well, I call him honest, because he had a huge painting of a Great White Shark on the wall behind his desk (above his head when he sat). But I failed to "read the sign".
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Old 18.10.2011, 20:36
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Re: Lawyers

Quote:
View Post
Q. Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy.
Q. Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A. Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and night crawlers.
Q. What's the definition of a lawyer?
A. A mouth with a life support system.

Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new car.

Q. Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
A. No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Q. What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A. The caterer.
Q. How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
A. Other lawyers look interested.
Q. What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What's the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon?
A. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Q. If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?
A. Who cares?

Q. What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never see them.


Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A. Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.

Q. What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A. Jewelry.

Just tell me your profession and I'll repeat all those silly jokes substituting whateveritis you are.
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  #4  
Old 18.10.2011, 21:04
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Re: Lawyers

I'm a blonde lawyer. Imagine my life.
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Old 18.10.2011, 21:07
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Re: Lawyers

Snap

(but actually its not been a bad one ..)
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