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  #2221  
Old 06.03.2017, 16:00
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A man walks up to a librarian and asks, " Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat?" The librarian responds, " It rings a bell but i'm not sure if its here or not."
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  #2222  
Old 06.03.2017, 17:24
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.

My neighbour is dead against it.
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  #2223  
Old 06.03.2017, 19:52
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2224  
Old 09.03.2017, 00:00
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons.

"I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!"

"I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!"

"But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!"

Paolo, his friend asks, "What's a Sports Mechanic?"

Lorenzo replies, "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da football games he fixa da boxin matcha..."
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  #2225  
Old 09.03.2017, 13:52
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Does a terrible pick up line count

repertoire-terrible-jokes-i-challenge-you-screen-shot-2017-03-09-11.49.57.jpg
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  #2226  
Old 11.03.2017, 17:59
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

My friend said he didn't understand cloning. I said, "that makes two of us"
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  #2227  
Old 12.03.2017, 16:09
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Worst pub I've ever been to was called The Fiddle.

It really was a vile inn.
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  #2228  
Old 15.03.2017, 23:56
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

It's a little known fact that Julius Caesar did not die from stab wounds by Brutus, but, rather, was poisoned. During a sumptuous banquet which they both attended on that fateful Ides of March, Brutus slipped some poisonous hemlock leaves onto Julius' salad. (Thus making the world's first Caesar's salad - no, that's not the joke, wait for it....)
When Julius slumped over into his salad, Brutus feigned concern and asked, "My dear friend Julius, how many hemlock leaves have you eaten?" To which Julius gasped in reply:
"Ate two, Brute."
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  #2229  
Old 16.03.2017, 19:59
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness.

He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got.”

“Why?" asks the barman. "What have you got?”

“About two euros and a carrot.”
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  #2230  
Old 16.03.2017, 20:31
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I have a good one I used when I worked at the pubs in Sydney.

Only tell this one after everyone is hammered.

Simple joke but after you tell it run for the door.

So like a cat you must first check the escape route.

..........................

The joke goes like this....

The joke is set in magical medieval times. Or whatever. Your choice. But there must be a quest, the hero, the princess, the king and the dragon.

If the hero wants to marry the princess then the king says he must complete a quest. He must cut off the ear of a dragon, return it to the king and then she is his to marry along with the chest full of cash etc.

Tell the story. Make it very long. Keep telling the audience that it almost finished.

At the end the hero presents the ear to the king.

The king says... what's this ear (here)???

That's the moment to run for the door .............II
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  #2231  
Old 17.03.2017, 11:27
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2232  
Old 17.03.2017, 19:10
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2233  
Old 18.03.2017, 10:29
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The disappearing joke, Sbrinz? It's in my inbox, but not here..

Late night on the town with all your wrist watches, eh?
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  #2234  
Old 18.03.2017, 11:36
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Swisstree View Post
The disappearing joke, Sbrinz? It's in my inbox, but not here..

Late night on the town with all your wrist watches, eh?
Ho ho, yep, I even walk slowly these days.. I tried to post an old joke but the formatting was terrible, and after 3 attempts I gave up. I sent you an e-mail.
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  #2235  
Old 18.03.2017, 12:03
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

repertoire-terrible-jokes-i-challenge-you-luftwaffe_turkey.jpg

Breaking news: Turkey gets air force ready for operation.
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  #2236  
Old 19.03.2017, 22:10
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]



Tom
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  #2237  
Old 20.03.2017, 12:20
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2238  
Old 20.03.2017, 19:16
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

For your inner geeky 5th grader.
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  #2239  
Old 20.03.2017, 21:50
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach?

It's not hard.


Why did the partially blind man fall down a well?

He couldn't see that well.


What did the grape say when it got stepped on?

Nothing.. It just let out a little wine.


What did the doctor say to the dwarf in his waiting room?

You're just going to have to be a little patient.
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  #2240  
Old 21.03.2017, 00:46
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

This meme could very well be in the homeopathic thread, too.
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