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  #2501  
Old 12.12.2017, 11:36
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Nope, it's still not funny...
Tough crowd.

A vampire bat comes flapping into its cave covered in fresh blood. All the other bats smell the blood and start hassling him about were he got it.

"Ok follow me" he says and flies out of the cave with hundreds of bats in pursuit. Down through a valley they go, across a river and into a forest.
Finally, he slows down and all the bats start to mill around him filled with excitement.

"Now do you see that tree over there?" he asks.

"Yes, yes, yes" they scream.

"Good" says he "Because I did not."
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  #2502  
Old 12.12.2017, 12:05
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Nope, it's still not funny...
Did you not read the thread title?
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  #2503  
Old 12.12.2017, 13:45
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Nope, it's still not funny...
Check thread title
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  #2504  
Old 12.12.2017, 14:03
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Two quantum particles bump into each other. The first one shouts "Watch where you're going!" The other one shouts "Where am I?"
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  #2505  
Old 12.12.2017, 17:23
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A hot summer's day finds a queue by an ice cream van at a school sports day. The man at the front of the queue is crying. The man behind him says "What's the matter mate? I notice you've got a Guardian tucked under your arm and was going to ask if you'd like to swap for my Independant - once you've finished reading your paper, of course..."

"Oh, don't mind me," says the Guardian reader "I always get emotional on days like this. It's what being English is all about isn't it? Swallows in the sky, children having fun, deck chairs and ice cream. I know people might scoff, but I'm so proud to be English. You know, the happiest day of my life was when my son was born on Saint George's Day. I had to name him George, that's him over there in the sack race."

"Well," says the Independant reader, "That's amazing! I'm a proud Scot myself, but can see where you're coming from. When my son was born on Saint Andrew's day, I was the happiest man on Earth - that's Andy over there in the egg and spoon race..."

The third man in the queue taps the second on the shoulder and says "Forgive me, but I couldn't help overhearing and was just about to chip in with the offer of a read of my Financial Times once you guys have finished with your papers, but the amazing thing is that there's no prouder Welshman than myself, and that when my son was born on Saint David's day, I nearly burst with pride. That's David over there in the three-legged race...this calls for a drink, eh?"

"I think we should," says the fourth man in the queue "I was going to offer my Telegraph once you chaps had finished with your papers - but believe it or not, I'm a proud Irishman, and my son was born on Saint Patrick's day! That's Pat over there in the high jump."

The fifth man in the queue can contain himself no longer. He flourishes his Daily Mail and says "Incredible! That's my boy Pancake over there by the tombola stall!"
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  #2506  
Old 12.12.2017, 17:24
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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The Greek god Thor was one day up in the heavens looking down upon the earth when he happened to notice that nobody seemed to be out and about. Curious to know what was going on he decided to come on down to investigate. After wondering about for some time, he finally came to a large building from which came much laughter and rapture . So he went on inside. There to his surprise was a huge party where the earthlings were drinking and being merry. Before long he met a very pretty women that caught his attention and one could say it wasn't long before the two of them hit it off. Days later he was back home in his heavenly abode, but he just couldn't get her out of his mind. Thor said to himself, you know, I should really go back down and let her know who I really am. So after a bit of hesitation, he finally decided to return to earth to let her know. Upon arrival at the women's home, he said to her. My lady, I think its only fair to let you know that I am the one known as Thor. Upon hearing this, she replied, U dink u r Thor, how u dink I feel?
The thunder god went for a ride
upon his favourite filly.
"I'm Thor!" he cried, his horse replied,
"You forgot your thaddle thilly."
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  #2507  
Old 12.12.2017, 17:29
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Teacher: "What is your favourite letter of the alphabet?"

Student: "The letter G, Miss"

Teacher: "Why is that, Angus?"
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  #2508  
Old 12.12.2017, 19:39
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I got my own back on my wife for Christmas shopping.


I took her into 8 different pubs without having a drink, then took her back to the 1st one and bought a pint.


Ho, ho, ho!
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  #2509  
Old 13.12.2017, 10:42
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.

But I laugh more.
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  #2510  
Old 13.12.2017, 13:02
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. Whilst he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he suffers a heart attack and dies.

The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him, "You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100".

The diplomats have a discussion for a few minutes and then tell the undertaker that they want Donald Trump shipped home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, "Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?".

The Americans reply, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk".
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  #2511  
Old 13.12.2017, 21:00
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2512  
Old 14.12.2017, 17:53
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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How well do you get jokes in German?
Wie bestellt ein Deutscher, der in Zürich lebt, ein Bier?

Ein Bier, bitte äkkkkh.
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  #2513  
Old 14.12.2017, 18:52
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2514  
Old 19.12.2017, 20:13
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2515  
Old 20.12.2017, 09:32
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Daily Mail delivered this corker today as part of a sob story

-----------------------------------------------------------------

'What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist have in common?'





'They both have to smell it, but neither of them get to eat it.'




------------------------------------------------------------------


I think they win "terrible 2017"
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  #2516  
Old 21.12.2017, 13:48
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2517  
Old 21.12.2017, 14:30
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2518  
Old 21.12.2017, 16:12
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Feeling Cold?

Go stand in a corner for a bit. They are usually around 90 degrees.


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  #2519  
Old 21.12.2017, 16:19
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What do you call a guy with no head, no arms, no legs and he floats in the water?
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  #2520  
Old 25.12.2017, 14:57
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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