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  #2621  
Old 31.08.2018, 23:28
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

My mate, the gravedigger, is off work this week so I’m filling in for him.
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  #2622  
Old 11.09.2018, 13:33
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

There's a special place in Hull for the man who invented Autocorrect.
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  #2623  
Old 11.09.2018, 13:39
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Nelson was 5' 6" in real life.

His statue in Trafalgar Square is 17'4"

That's a Horatio of around 3:1
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  #2624  
Old 11.09.2018, 13:39
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob View Post
There's a special place in Hull for the man who invented Autocorrect.
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  #2625  
Old 11.09.2018, 16:00
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob View Post
There's a special place in Hull for the man who invented Autocorrect.
Once you've driven through Hull, then you are on your way to Hedon
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  #2626  
Old 11.09.2018, 16:14
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Some of my work's management team are having a week-long leadership workshop and one of the team-building activities is axe throwing (for some reason). I had to remind my manager that "to bury the hatchet" is an idiom, not an SOP.
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  #2627  
Old 16.09.2018, 04:31
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Someone said yoga can cure scoliosis.
I a hunch it was too good to be true.
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  #2628  
Old 25.09.2018, 13:08
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Freddie Mercury was at a celebration meal in a Greek restaurant. It had got to that stage in the night when everybody was ready to join in the famous Greek custom of smashing crockery, and waiters were distributing plates to all the diners in readiness.

A waiter came up to Fred and handed him two dinner plates.

Said Fred "Could you please get me another plate?"

"What for?" asked the waiter.

Said Freddie "I want to break three."
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  #2629  
Old 01.10.2018, 15:39
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I saw my friend coming out of the GP's surgery the other day
"Alright Jon?, Haven't seen you in ages, everything ok?"
"Not really, Rich", he replied, "I've just been diagnosed with The Big 'C'..
"Oh no", I replied, "Not cancer"..
"No," he said, "Dyslexia"
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  #2630  
Old 02.10.2018, 12:28
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Are Creationists really just Primate Change deniers?
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  #2631  
Old 06.10.2018, 11:25
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said “Thanks”
I said “Don’t mention it”
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  #2632  
Old 06.10.2018, 11:27
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I said “40”
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  #2633  
Old 06.10.2018, 11:28
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
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  #2634  
Old 06.10.2018, 11:29
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
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  #2635  
Old 08.10.2018, 00:47
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob View Post
There's a special place in Hull for the man who invented Autocorrect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by toastmonster View Post
Once you've driven through Hull, then you are on your way to Hedon
Autocorrect has become man's worst enema.
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  #2636  
Old 08.10.2018, 08:32
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Bono and the Edge walk into a bar. The barman say "Oh no, not you two again".

Last edited by NotAllThere; 08.10.2018 at 09:35.
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  #2637  
Old 08.10.2018, 08:34
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

From the great punster Milton Jones.

My daughter was born, and she had jaundice. So there she is, small, round and yellow.

We called her Melonie.
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  #2638  
Old 08.10.2018, 09:22
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
Originally Posted by NotAllThere View Post
Bone and the Edge walk into a bar. The barman say "Oh no, not you two again".
I thought I was being thick but I finally understand the joke. You need to spell Bono right for that to work.
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  #2639  
Old 08.10.2018, 09:35
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kreeeee View Post
I thought I was being thick but I finally understand the joke. You need to spell Bono right for that to work.
Corrected. Darn this auto-correct!
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  #2640  
Old 09.10.2018, 09:33
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I used to have a job in a calender factory but I got to the sack because I took a couple of days off...
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