Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Off-Topic > Off-Topic > Jokes/funnies  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #2721  
Old 01.03.2019, 17:55
MusicChick's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 17,488
Groaned at 414 Times in 275 Posts
Thanked 20,435 Times in 10,578 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

"We are vegans. What can we order in your restaurant?"

"A cab."
Reply With Quote
  #2722  
Old 20.03.2019, 13:39
starmir's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Kanton Zurich
Posts: 527
Groaned at 7 Times in 4 Posts
Thanked 572 Times in 244 Posts
starmir has a reputation beyond reputestarmir has a reputation beyond reputestarmir has a reputation beyond reputestarmir has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Name:  vincent.jpg
Views: 806
Size:  14.1 KB
Reply With Quote
  #2723  
Old 20.03.2019, 15:04
MusicChick's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 17,488
Groaned at 414 Times in 275 Posts
Thanked 20,435 Times in 10,578 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why do the French eat snails?

They don't like fast food.
Reply With Quote
  #2724  
Old 22.03.2019, 16:40
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Her: Undress me with your words...

Him: I saw a spider in your bra.
Reply With Quote
  #2725  
Old 26.03.2019, 17:43
MusicChick's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 17,488
Groaned at 414 Times in 275 Posts
Thanked 20,435 Times in 10,578 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Reply With Quote
  #2726  
Old 23.05.2019, 01:01
JagWaugh's Avatar
RIP
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Eglisau
Posts: 7,248
Groaned at 46 Times in 45 Posts
Thanked 14,131 Times in 5,506 Posts
JagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A man buys a talking centipede for 5000GBP, and takes it home in a small box.
After 30 minutes he opens the box and asks "Would you like to go for a pint?"
The centipede doesn't answer. Raising his voice he repeats the question, still no reply.

Thinking he's been tricked the man shouts the question again loudly.

The centipede puts his head out of the box and says "I heard you the first time. I'm putting my effing shoes on!"

Last edited by JagWaugh; 23.05.2019 at 01:23.
Reply With Quote
  #2727  
Old 29.05.2019, 15:12
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: CH
Posts: 11,434
Groaned at 407 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 17,514 Times in 8,868 Posts
greenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I used to be an engineer, but now I am fine.
Reply With Quote
  #2728  
Old 30.06.2019, 09:13
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: CH
Posts: 11,434
Groaned at 407 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 17,514 Times in 8,868 Posts
greenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I found this joke in a newspaper from back home, I'm not sure if translated sounds as amusing

A drunkard who was spreading a dreadful scent of cheap drink and was carrying a dirty bag, climbs with difficulty into the bus and sits down next to a Catholic priest with a very honourable look.

He takes out of the bag an almost empty bottle and starts drinking with great satisfaction down to the last drop. Then drops the bottle down the aisle and takes out a newspaper.

After a few minutes of reading, he addressed the priest:

"Excuse me, Father, do you know what causes spondylosis?"

"Of course," said the priest, feeling a growing discomfort, on a cold and sarcastic but polite tone. "The factors that lead to spondylosis are: a disorderly life, the companionship of women of questionable quality, the exaggerated consumption of tobacco and alcohol, drunks ending with nights spent in brothels, all of these lead to spondylosis ..."

- "Wooooow! I would have never thought", says the drunk and returns to his newspaper.

The priest, a very kind person though, after thinking of what he said, is addressing the drunk again, this time in a gentle and peaceful tone:

- Excuse me, I did not mean to offend you, since when do you suffer from spondylosis, son?

- Me? Father ... I never suffered like this. I just read in the paper that the Pope has spondylosis.
Reply With Quote
  #2729  
Old 30.07.2019, 08:42
MusicChick's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 17,488
Groaned at 414 Times in 275 Posts
Thanked 20,435 Times in 10,578 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Reply With Quote
  #2730  
Old 08.08.2019, 21:24
robBob's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Zurich
Posts: 3,290
Groaned at 67 Times in 52 Posts
Thanked 3,281 Times in 1,747 Posts
robBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

repertoire-terrible-jokes-i-challenge-you-image1-760389.png
Reply With Quote
  #2731  
Old 23.08.2019, 10:38
RTN RTN is offline
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Uetikon am See
Posts: 1,482
Groaned at 13 Times in 9 Posts
Thanked 1,691 Times in 757 Posts
RTN has a reputation beyond reputeRTN has a reputation beyond reputeRTN has a reputation beyond reputeRTN has a reputation beyond reputeRTN has a reputation beyond reputeRTN has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I just read in the paper a dwarf got pickpocketed.

"Who would stoop so low?"
Reply With Quote
  #2732  
Old 16.09.2019, 16:56
pilatus1's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 1,803
Groaned at 152 Times in 103 Posts
Thanked 4,789 Times in 1,886 Posts
pilatus1 has a reputation beyond reputepilatus1 has a reputation beyond reputepilatus1 has a reputation beyond reputepilatus1 has a reputation beyond reputepilatus1 has a reputation beyond reputepilatus1 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

“Yesterday was a beauty. I put on my shirt and a button fell off...

I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off...

I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.”

-Rodney Dangerfield
Reply With Quote
  #2733  
Old 16.09.2019, 20:32
Dinivan's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Geneva
Posts: 207
Groaned at 35 Times in 24 Posts
Thanked 254 Times in 132 Posts
Dinivan is considered knowledgeableDinivan is considered knowledgeableDinivan is considered knowledgeable
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What do you get when you mix a locomotive with bubblegum?

A chew chew train
Reply With Quote
  #2734  
Old 27.09.2019, 18:31
MusicChick's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 17,488
Groaned at 414 Times in 275 Posts
Thanked 20,435 Times in 10,578 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
View Post
What do you get when you mix a locomotive with bubblegum?

A chew chew train
That's a great one, Dinivan.

Reply With Quote
  #2735  
Old 27.09.2019, 19:03
aSwissInTheUS's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Zurich area
Posts: 13,025
Groaned at 101 Times in 90 Posts
Thanked 19,970 Times in 8,852 Posts
aSwissInTheUS has a reputation beyond reputeaSwissInTheUS has a reputation beyond reputeaSwissInTheUS has a reputation beyond reputeaSwissInTheUS has a reputation beyond reputeaSwissInTheUS has a reputation beyond reputeaSwissInTheUS has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What do you get when you cross a tape worm with a sea urchin?

Barbed wire.
Reply With Quote
  #2736  
Old 27.09.2019, 19:56
robBob's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Zurich
Posts: 3,290
Groaned at 67 Times in 52 Posts
Thanked 3,281 Times in 1,747 Posts
robBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Graveyards are so popular that everyone is just dying to get in.
Reply With Quote
  #2737  
Old 27.09.2019, 21:20
MusicChick's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 17,488
Groaned at 414 Times in 275 Posts
Thanked 20,435 Times in 10,578 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Hahahaha...

Reply With Quote
  #2738  
Old 29.09.2019, 21:29
araqyl's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Zurich, West-side
Posts: 2,203
Groaned at 8 Times in 7 Posts
Thanked 1,343 Times in 709 Posts
araqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond reputearaqyl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What's yellow and dangerous?


Shark-infested custard.
Reply With Quote
  #2739  
Old 02.10.2019, 16:21
MusicChick's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 17,488
Groaned at 414 Times in 275 Posts
Thanked 20,435 Times in 10,578 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Reply With Quote
  #2740  
Old 09.10.2019, 20:16
FunnyBone's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Earth
Posts: 902
Groaned at 41 Times in 28 Posts
Thanked 1,341 Times in 581 Posts
FunnyBone has a reputation beyond reputeFunnyBone has a reputation beyond reputeFunnyBone has a reputation beyond reputeFunnyBone has a reputation beyond reputeFunnyBone has a reputation beyond reputeFunnyBone has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?" The horse replies "I don't think I am." And poof! it disappears from existence.

This joke is a reference to the philosopher Descartes and his famous line "I think, therefore I am."

I could have explained this first, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
funnies, punography




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
EF Challenge: Number plate cushions litespeed Transportation/driving 42 30.08.2013 22:54
Website Challenge Lob Jokes/funnies 38 01.07.2008 21:01
I think I may be making a terrible mistake !! gypsy21 Daily life 66 26.04.2007 23:09
Ski Challenge Nickj General off-topic 0 04.12.2006 12:33


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 07:57.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0