Q: Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

A: She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.



bring on the groans!

Q:Why did Elton John sing at Princess Diana's funeral?
A: Because the Crash Test Dummies were unavailable..

Ha de ha ha....ha

Q: Who are the "coolest" people in a Hospital?

A: the Ultra Sound people of course!!

If it starts as a really bad joke some years ago, but now everyone has heard it, has it groan up??

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together

Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery

Son asked his mother, "Mum, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

He thanks his mum and goes off to double-check with his father.

"Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and takes him on a walkabout. He shows him the fridge and asks him what colour it is. The son replies, "White".

He does the same for the dishwasher, the washing machine, and the dryer. Each time the boy replies, "White."

"So you see son, all household appliances come in white."

apologies for this as it's rude and sexist:
"A bird in the arse is worth two in the bush"

why didn't Superman save Princess Diana?

.... try catching a Mercedes with a wheelchair

I got the wife a bag and a belt for her birthday.

She wasn't happy, but at least the hoover works now.

I gave the wife a ring for our anniversary.

I said, "Happy Anniversary. I'm finishing early today so have my tea ready for 5."

wow.just wow.

Made me sit up straight, that's for sure.

I think this is the winner so far on this thread, it really is terrible, in so many ways, like the one about what it would take to get the Beatles back together...
Not condemning it at all, I can appreciate the sharp wit, just couldn't help feeling it's a bit wrong somehow, which probably makes it a good joke actually, but,,, oh dear,now I'm all confused.

Edit, Mirfield, your last ones were pretty darn good as well, in a Tommy Cooper type of way.

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant! He shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

__________________
Resist, support, donate: ACLU
They tried to bury us, they did not know that we are seeds (Mexican proverb)

I asked the wife if we could spice up our sex life with some fantasy rape etc.

She said "no"

That's the spirit

The squirrels are looking for you, they think you're nuts.

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

- An offer you can't understand.

Why do women wear make-up and perfume?

'Cos they're ugly and they smell

Three retired Swiss women were flashed at a senior citizen home today in Wallis. Two got a stroke, the other could not reach that far.

Why have scientists started using bankers for experiments instead of rats?

So that they don't become emotionally attached.