Murphy's law:

No matter how long you keep on shake it, the last drop is always for your underwear

Da hilft kein schütteln und auch kein klopfen.. In die Hose geht dein letzte Tropfen.

Two guys on a hike in the alps. After some time one of them starts falling back. The other one asks him if he is allright.


"Not at all, I've got to shit and I'm freezing my ass off".


The other one tells him that there is a small hut about 20 minutes away where they can sit inside to get warm and where he can use the toilet.

5 mins later, the slower one catches up, with a smile on his face.

"You feeling better now?"


"Oh yes, I my ass feels a lot warmer and I don't have to shit anymore..."

A blind man, right?
He was feelin' his way down the street with this stick, right?
He walked past a fish market
He stopped, he took a deep breath, he said:
Woo, good morning ladies!!!

What did the Pakistani lady say to the other Pakistani lady?

Do these jeans make my bomb look big?

Steven and Christian are best of mates, they are also prawns. They are swimming around one day when a magic underwater genie appears before then and grants Steven a wish. He decides that he is sick of being a lowly prawn and wants to be a great white shark. Which the genie grants.

So Steven spends his days at the top of the food chain devouring anything he comes across, but soon gets tired of the carnivourous lifestyle. Luckily he comes across the magical underwater genie again who grants him another wish. Steven says he is sick of being a great white shark and wants to change back to a prawn. Which the genie grants.

Steven tracks down his old mate, but Christian doesn`t recognise him.
"Its me Stephen"
"Stephen who?"
"I`m a prawn again Christian!"

Little Pauly was misbehaving and was sent to bed.

Uncle Perfesser, who was having dinner with the family, went to see
Pauly in his bedroom and told him, "If you ask God to help you about
your misbehaving, He will help you."

Pauly immediately took his uncle's advice and started praying, "Dear
God, please help me not to get caught quite so much."

Why did the girl fall off the swing set?

Because she had no arms.

Why did the airplane crash into the mountain?

Because the pilot was a bagel.

Can't get any worse than that...

What's brown and sticky?







A stick.

A termite walks into a bar and says "Is the bartender here?"

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?












A carrot.

How can you find Will Smith in the snow?








Look for the fresh prints.

What's red and invisible?








No tomatoes.

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?



Puff Daddy.

...and 1 more:

I went into a French restaurant but all they had on offer was a boiled egg. The waiter asked if that was ok and I replied: "Yes, un oeuf's as good as a feast".

Sorry.

I liked this joke a lot. Although it would have been better as Dr Dre or someone westcoast.
Puff Daddy doesn't work with Snoop

Damn... You're right... It is supposed to be Dr Dre... My mind drew a blank with the punchline.

My bad.

And sure Puff Daddy's been rebranded for years.

"No matter how much you shake and dance,
the last little bit drips in your pants"

(boom tish)

One for the girls : 'how many men does it take to paper a bathroom?'

'Depends how thinly you slice them!'.