Girls jokes huh?

(I am a man, but these are my favourites)
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What do you call the useless piece of skin at the end of a penis?

Man
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What do you do if you find your husband rolling around on the floor in agony?

Shoot him again
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What does a womans arsehole do during an orgasm?

I don't know either, he's usually at home minding the kids

Q. How do you make your wife scream during sex?


A. Call her



Q. How do you make your wife scream after sex?


A. Wipe yourself on the bedroom curtains

A man is going 45 mph and a woman is going 2 mph when they collide. Who's fault is it?





The man's: He shouldn't have been driving in the kitchen.

Why do women have small feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink.



What do you do when you're watching the football on the couch and your wife is nagging in your ear?

Shorten the chain from the kitchen

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?













"That's not funny."

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

Q: What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
A: Iron Man is a super hero Iron Woman is an instruction.

Q: Whats the difference between a fly and a mosquito ?

A: A Fly can fly. A Mosquito cannot mosquito.

Q. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?












A. Christopher Walken

Why didn't superman save the twin towers on 9/11 ?






He was a quadraplegic



(this joke used to be low, and now he's dead it's worse - but this is the 'bad joke' thread)

This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal's office in West Vancouver after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift.


Dear Lions Bay School ,


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.


She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to off.


Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.

Sincerely,


Edna

Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.

Buttocks clenched Mick performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right welly, followed by the left.

He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers .

Grabbing both sides of his checked shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.

'What on earth are you doing Mick' says Paddy

'Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me' says an obviously embarrassed Mick, 'but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor . "

__________________
That's for me to know.......and you NOT to find out!

How is a 9v battery similar to a women's *******?

Even though you know it's a bad idea, you're gonna eventually put your tongue on it.

What's the most painful city in Switzerland?

Bern

I drew a picture of Yogi Bear, but made him too small. Have I made a Boo Boo?

Where do you find a turtle with no arms or legs?

Right where you left it.

(is it possilbe to groan at your own posts??)

No groans necessary here. The title does say terrible jokes

All trains in Liverpool are at a standstill. Apparantly, it is something to do with a points failure at Anfield.

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born ?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with yourMom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your motheragreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button ,nine months later a little Pop-Upappeared that said:


Scroll down...........

A blonde calls her Fixed phone company, and asks:
Our wire to the phone is too long, Could you please pull it a little from your side