Some Tweets from my friend:
• Why is it that people who snore always fall asleep first?
• Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
• Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. ~ Woody Allen (...and he should know)
• Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
• All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
• There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.
• Life is just a phase you're going through... you'll get over it.
• Dunkin' Donuts Cashier used Drive-Thru to offer her "Services": http://t.co/aqjcTL9
via @AOL ... and that's why America runs on Dunkin!
• How blirtatiousness are you? http://huff.to/q5JWsk
• Killer Shoes: Thelma Carter Accused of Killing Boyfriend with Stiletto: http://huff.to/pBNv6P
• How stupid is a system that would even consider giving custody of 2 boys to a woman who killed her 2 daughters? http://huff.to/nuJxZB
• What makes politicians think we want to see them naked? Most of us would prefer to see them wearing orange jumpsuits. http://huff.to/oPuJQz
• Never underestimate the power of nagging.
• If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war… just a couple of nations not talking with each other.
• I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
• Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilt and I’ll show you a man.
• When women go wrong, men go right after them.
• Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
• My shopping buddy is always holding up super ugly clothes & saying the same thing: "This looks so much better on." On what? On fire?
• A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s because she changes it more often.
• Men: Can’t live with them & can’t bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing and/or their damned dogs digging 'em up.
• I like my whisky old and my men young.
• If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
• Rotten Congress' Rotten Rating: http://bit.ly/oWX4qb
This is what comes of living high off of the working poor they keep kicking in the ass.
• If at first you don’t succeed then you're probably a politician.
• What does Congress and clouds have in common? The absence of both signifies a real nice day.
• The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.
• The ideal politician is humble, cares deeply, works hard, goes straight home, doesn’t lie, doesn’t cheat, doesn’t steal and doesn’t exist.
• Congress only has two faults, everything they say and everything they do.
• The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs…
• Men marry women with the hope they'll never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Thus, they're both disappointed.
• Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
• Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
• Restaurant bans kids: Is it fair?: http://t.co/n3NM0hN
via @todayskitchen I love kids... with ketchup.