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Old 27.08.2014, 01:23
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(Joke) Going to heaven

A man gets to heaven, meets God and asks to have a look around.
God appoints him an assistant and together they go off to explore heaven.

Man says, "So who are those people over there?"

Assistant replies "They are the Muslims"

Man says "And those over there?"

Assistant says "We have all sorts here, over there are the Jews, then there are the Buddists, the Hindus, the Protestants, the..."

Man interrupts "What is that big wall for?"

Assistant: "Shshshhh... behind that wall are the Catholics. They think they are alone here!"

.

Last edited by Sbrinz; 27.08.2014 at 01:52.
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Old 27.08.2014, 08:45
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Re: (Joke) Going to heaven

After a fatal road accident on the planet Earth a group of Roma are standing in front of the Pearly Gates waiting for Peter do give instructions as to their future.


Peter, unsure himself goes into his office to phone God for further information.


He tells God about the Roma and God asks how many people are in the group. Peter looks out of the window then says ' Oh, they've gone'.


God asks, 'all of them?'


Peter says,'No, .... the pearly gates'.
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Old 30.08.2014, 11:00
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Re: (Joke) Going to heaven

Guy walks into a bar and stands at the counter waiting to order a beer..... as you do.
He was shortly joined by the most amazing male body physique he had ever met but which hosted the tiniest head he had ever seen.
He tried all in his power to avoid staring. But could not avert his gaze.
He felt really embarrassed when he made prolonged eye contact was his misshapen neighbour.
These were the eyes of somebody who had had everything anybody could ever want but let it slip from his grasp.
They exchanged pleasentries and began to tentatively converse.

The subject inevitably turned to the misfortune that befell the pinhead...sorry.
Apparently he had found an exotic strangely shaped bottle by Lake Zurich some days earlier.
Upon removing the lid from the bottle a stunningly beautiful redhead (ok, all the best parts are already taken by blondes) appeared beside him.
He was completely startled, but was soon put at ease when she explained that she was a genie who had been locked in the bottle for several millennia.
She promised that she would be eternally grateful for what he had done.
As is usual in these circumstances he was duly offered his three wishes of anything he desired which would instantaneously be granted without question.
After some careful thought he decided that he would like to be the richest person in the world and requested a bank account whose balance would automatically double overnight, every night, forever, (just like derivative traders virtual accounts) and would start with a ten figure balance.
Before he could blink an eyelid an account booklet appeared in his hand showing a Swiss account which was exactly what he had requested.
As he contemplated the possibilities with a wild glint in his eyes he was interrupted by the genie who asked him to hurry with his next request as she had not seen her love for such a long time and wished to be away.
He thought very long and hard on the second wish... weighed up all the possibilities and decided that there was no material thing to be further desired....
Ok, he said. My second wish is for eternal youth and good health and for a set of equipment that any woman in the world would love to hold and behold.
Boing!!
His muscles instantly bulged and he felt like never before in his life!! Powerful, Vigorous, Glowing.
He flexed himself and was astounded at his enormous physique.
After several minutes he was again prompted by the genie to please quickly choose his third wish as she was now become moist with longing.
The blood pulses through his veins and he began to look longingly and lovingly at her and the hormones began to flood his brain....
OK, he said..................How about a little head!
BOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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