Donald Trump on a field trip visiting a sausage factory:

The owner proudly explains the level of automation.....

"You need to push the pig inside. The machine does all the work..
Lo, you have the sausage come out"

Trump: "I want to make America Great Again! Is it possible to push the
sausage in, the pig comes out....?"

Factory Owner: "Yes it is possible. Your father tried it years ago, and he
succeeded...!"

Exactly 71 years ago!!!!!

Donald Trump has announced that now he’s President he’s going to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
.
He wants to make America grate again

What’s the difference between Donald Trump and an orange?

An orange has a thick skin.

My friend said to me, “I hear the FBI have foiled a terrorist plot to kill Donald Trump.”

“What, a suicide bomber? ” I asked.

“No, a surface to hair missile.”

How many Donald Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

Look, we can change the light bulb. That I will tell you. We’re changing it, ok? And I understand what you’re saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say “Is the light bulb really dead?”. That’s what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The light bulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.

__________________
We fought them until Hell froze over. And then played hockey on the ice.

Donald Trump walks into a bar...

Who's Donald Trump

Donald Trump's library burnt down.

He was really upset as he lost both of his books and he hadn't even finished colouring in the second one.

... because there was a button on the page that he pushed prematurely, and the pretty pictures just somehow filled themselves!!!

A friend and I were discussing this week, why there aren't many Trump jokes around? We agreed the problem is that people won't believe any story is in fact a joke....

Donald Trump walks into a bra ...

Lunch with the Pope

President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope
accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off,
right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind
died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go
get it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get
it."

The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to
the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the
yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.

The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage
were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.

But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN, The SUN reported:

Trump can't swim!
.

Donald Trump was asked if he knew any bible verses.
He replied, “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Deport him and you don’t have to feed him again.”

Saw this and just had to share on this thread....

CNN: Trump is new US president
NASA: SH*t

a few weeks later..

NASA: We found 7 planets, 3 we can live on and there is plenty of room for every one.

Attached Thumbnails

 

Monk Trump

Melania suddenly writes a diary!


January 7th - Actually, I wanted to stop writing my diary. But too much happened and it was really exciting. It's quiet now, strangely quiet, but yesterday they stormed the Capitol. Donald is that popular. Even I didn't realize that. The whole thing disturbed my last shoot in the White House, the photographer was completely unfocused. I had to yell at him not to neglect my pictures because of this stupid storm. I'm sure I won't let that spoil me, no matter how much they can storm.

January 8th - Donald is so proud. No president has ever achieved anything like this, he keeps saying. But outwardly, of course, he has to pretend that he is terrified because of the violence. I'm also almost a little proud to have such a powerful man. Years ago, Carla Bruni said that she could really only live with a man who had nuclear power. I understand that, somehow.

January 9th - Now they have banned him from Twitter. He is furious. Today he just slumped down next to the chest of drawers, sat on the floor and uttered some kind of threats, how he will get revenge, that whoever doesn't stick to him now will die and all that kind of stuff. I was scared he'd die himself. No, that's not honest, I wasn't scared. Because if I imagine what's in store for us now, including myself, until the divorce is over, maybe dying would be the better option. At least for him.

Jan 12 - He's going to be impeacht, I'm pretty sure. I don't know where I'll be able to show myself if that really happens. What a shame!

January 15th - All the boxes are gone. The movers were there all day, it's liberating, only Ivanka had a total breakdown, this chick. No style, no dignity. Donald works. He's finally signed the death sentences for the worst criminals, that's good, there are a few less bad people in America. They asked me to have tea with this Jill, who has to call herself a doctor. What would I have to talk to her? Although she could do with a few styling tips. But Donald banned it anyway.

January 19th - That's it. Now we're leaving. Last time with the Air Force. I am suddenly scared. And homesickness for Slovenia. How strange. Maybe I should go back there and become a handicraft teacher. Or so.