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Old 12.08.2011, 14:10
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Please, can you help me with an English text?

Hello dear English mother tongues,
I'd need an help for a text in English.
I am organizing a yoga workshop (I will also write a topic on the "social events" section, when project will be better defined), and I am drafting a text for the flyers. I would like to be sure that there aren't mistakes or it doesn' sound "clumsy" (I always put too many "the", for instance).
Would you please help me?
Thank you very much in advance!

Here is the text (I canceled names and negligible details):


Hatha yoga is the representation of the dance of Shiva and Parvati, the sacred dance of manifestation.
Every single gesture, every position “must” arise with the natural grace of a blooming flower. The aim of the Hatha yogin’s practice is the resolution of psychophysical blocks which prevent the free expression of energies.
Concisely, it has to do with:
1) Natural posture: the condition in which our body is in a state of “active relaxation”;
2) One own's natural respiratory rhythm: when inspiration and expiration seem to arise without the intervention of the will;
3) The right mental condition: the condition in which inner dialogue is suspended.

Objective of this workshop is to learn how to perceive the tensions of subtle muscles and their relaxation. This is accomplished by aligning the joints, armonizing breath and movements, and using specific techniques of visualization and meditation.

BIO
Xxx Xxx is involved into Yoga and oriental Martial Arts since 1974.
He has studied and worked in Hong Kong, Singapore and Bangkock.
He has studied and worked with Tibetan monks Xxxx, with Chinese teachers Xxxx, with the Japanese Sensei Xxx, with Xxx from US and with the Indian teacher Xxx.
Personal website: Xxx.

When: Sunday September 11th, from 10.00 to 18.00,. Lunch pause between 13.00 and 15.00. (lunch consists of Italian vegetarian food.).
Where: Hous der Vereine, Baselstrasse 43
CH-4125 Riehen (in front of the bus stop Riehendorf tram #32).
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Old 12.08.2011, 14:15
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Re: Please, can you help me with an English text?

One own's -> One's own
Objective of this workshop -> The objective of this workshop
XXX is involved into Yoga -> XXX has been involved in Yoga
lunch pause -> lunch break

Other than that, very nicely written.
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Old 12.08.2011, 14:19
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Re: Please, can you help me with an English text?

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Hello dear English mother tongues,
I'd need an help for a text in English.
I am organizing a yoga workshop (I will also write a topic on the "social events" section, when project will be better defined), and I am drafting a text for the flyers. I would like to be sure that there aren't mistakes or it doesn' sound "clumsy" (I always put too many "the", for instance).
Would you please help me?
Thank you very much in advance!

Here is the text (I canceled names and negligible details):


Hatha yoga is the representation of the dance of Shiva and Parvati, the sacred dance of manifestation.
Every single gesture, every position “must” arise with the natural grace of a blooming flower. The aim of the Hatha yogin’s practice is the resolution of psychophysical blocks which prevent the free expression of energies.
Concisely, it has to do with:
1) Natural posture: the condition in which our body is in a state of “active relaxation”;
2) One own's natural respiratory rhythm: when inspiration and expiration seem to arise without the intervention of the will;
3) The right mental condition: the condition in which inner dialogue is suspended.

Objective of this workshop is to learn how to perceive the tensions of subtle muscles and their relaxation. This is accomplished by aligning the joints, armonizing breath and movements, and using specific techniques of visualization and meditation.

BIO
Xxx Xxx is involved into Yoga and oriental Martial Arts since 1974.
He has studied and worked in Hong Kong, Singapore and Bangkock.
He has studied and worked with Tibetan monks Xxxx, with Chinese teachers Xxxx, with the Japanese Sensei Xxx, with Xxx from US and with the Indian teacher Xxx.
Personal website: Xxx.

When: Sunday September 11th, from 10.00 to 18.00,. Lunch pause between 13.00 and 15.00. (lunch consists of Italian vegetarian food.).
Where: Hous der Vereine, Baselstrasse 43
CH-4125 Riehen (in front of the bus stop Riehendorf tram #32).
Looks pretty good! Just a couple more things that jumped out at me:
"harmonizing"
"Bangkok"
"from the US"
"Lunch break" is the usual term (outside Switzerland anyway!)
"(Lunch consists of ... food.), i.e. you don't need the extra "." afterwards
and is it really "Hous" or "Haus"?
The bus stop should be two words: "Riehen, Dorf", and it's the #32 bus or the #6 tram; there is no #32 tram.
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Old 12.08.2011, 14:29
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Re: Please, can you help me with an English text?

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Hatha yoga is the representation of the Dance of Shiva and Parvati, the sacred dance of manifestation.

Every gesture, every position must arise with the natural grace of a blooming flower.

The aim of the Hatha yogin’s practice is the resolution of psychophysical blocks which prevent the free expression of energies.

Concisely, it has to do with:

1) Natural posture: The condition in which our body is in a state of “active relaxation”.

2) One`s own natural respiratory rhythm: When inspiration and expiration seem to arise without the intervention of the will.

3) The right mental condition: The condition in which inner dialogue is suspended.

The object of this workshop is to learn how to perceive the tensions of subtle muscles and their relaxation. This is accomplished by aligning the joints, harmonizing breath and movements, and using specific techniques of visualization and meditation.

BIO
Xxx Xxx has been involved in Yoga and oriental Martial Arts since 1974.
He has studied and worked in Hong Kong, Singapore and Bangkok,
studying and working with Tibetan monks Xxxx, Chinese teachers Xxxx, the Japanese Sensei Xxx, Xxx from US and with the Indian teacher Xxx.

Personal website: Xxx.

When: Sunday September 11th, from 10.00 to 18.00,. Lunch break between 13.00 and 15.00. (lunch consists of Italian vegetarian food).

Where: Hous der Vereine, Baselstrasse 43
CH-4125 Riehen (in front of the bus stop Riehendorf tram #32).
There, I just corrected your own writings.... making it flow more easily.
Leave some spacings to make reading easier too.
Too many "with"s in your testimonials of studying and working.

Now let the english teachers lambaste my posting!
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Old 12.08.2011, 14:30
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Re: Please, can you help me with an English text?

WOW!
I have no words to thank you both! so quick and precise and helpful!
Thank you very much, I love you
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Old 12.08.2011, 14:32
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Re: Please, can you help me with an English text?

and thanks Smoky too!
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Old 12.08.2011, 15:09
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Re: Please, can you help me with an English text?

No, really, I am seriously impressed!
And Mathnut, you also saved my butt, you're right: tram #32 doesn't exist, it's number 6
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Old 12.08.2011, 15:12
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Re: Please, can you help me with an English text?

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No, really, I am seriously impressed!
And Mathnut, you also saved my butt, you're right: tram #32 doesn't exist, it's number 6
Cool site this..... hey?
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Old 12.08.2011, 16:07
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Re: Please, can you help me with an English text?

über cool!
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