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Old 26.06.2012, 14:59
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German to English please help! Or, the rules of ATTENTION GRABBINGLY good copy

i want to say

Ich bin bereit!
Wann starten wir um gemeinsam die Erfolgsgeschichte der XXX fortzuschreiben?

i attempt is: i am ready! when do we start to carry on forward the success story of XXX together?

to me it does not sound good, any tips? thx!
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Old 26.06.2012, 15:08
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Re: German to English please help!

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i want to say

Ich bin bereit!
Wann starten wir um gemeinsam die Erfolgsgeschichte der XXX fortzuschreiben?

i attempt is: i am ready! when do we start to carry on forward the success story of XXX together?

to me it does not sound good, any tips? thx!
Who are you writing this to?

Depending on how hyped up you want it to sound I would say something like this:

"I'm ready when you are! Let's take the XXX success story to the next level!"

If you want it to sound more formal then hmm:

"I believe it is time to take the XXX success story forward by <insert 1 or 2 logical reasons>

I look forward to working on this together with you.
"
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Old 26.06.2012, 15:14
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Re: German to English please help!

i need this for my application, work samples. it will be reviewed by the HR guy and (my maybe future) manager. i send in samples of campaigns i did for (errrrm) the competitors. this I'm ready when you are! Let's take the XXX success story to the next level! fits best! thx!
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Old 26.06.2012, 15:20
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Re: German to English please help!

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i need this for my application, work samples. it will be reviewed by the HR guy and (my maybe future) manager. i send in samples of campaigns i did for (errrrm) the competitors. this I'm ready when you are! Let's take the XXX success story to the next level! fits best! thx!
Ah ok.

Then in that case it would be more appropriate to say something along the lines of...

"It would be a great opportunity to work together on XXX and increase its success by <insert how you would affect this>"

I am not great with words so hope this helps a little...
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Old 26.06.2012, 22:51
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Re: German to English please help!

Quote:
View Post
i want to say

Ich bin bereit!
Wann starten wir um gemeinsam die Erfolgsgeschichte der XXX fortzuschreiben?

i attempt is: i am ready! when do we start to carry on forward the success story of XXX together?

to me it does not sound good, any tips? thx!
Nobody gives a toss* about whether you're ready or not until they're emotionally engaged in joining in with you, so it'd be neater to refer to the project first, then boost their fledging enthusiasm with your commitment and finish with a closed statement. So rather than asking "Fancy a cup of tea?" hype the tea itself, then gush how much you're so freaking into tea it's unreal and finish with the money shot: Join me for tea.

Engage the emotions, handsome.



*Unless they're 7 years old.
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Old 27.06.2012, 12:27
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Re: German to English please help! Or, the rules of ATTENTION GRABBINGLY good copy

well, i have been requested to send in materials, its a layoutet pdf of my portfolio and it has a theme, red thread to it. so the ending image, last page connects to the whole application and the portfolio. from my perspective it makes sense. and the request tells me that theyre "ready", liked the hard facts, now want to see the proof. lets see if theyre ready or not. they better are...
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