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Old 08.02.2011, 11:44
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Btw do police keep the information confidential or can the person find out who called? Do I have to then testify? What happens if the woman denies any beating? What if the guy then makes my life difficult as he is from the area? It's not all black and white like Nil's perfect world.
Another alternative - that I've not seen mentioned - is to go to the address and see if you can talk to the woman, to say that you saw the incident and that you would like to help if you can.

As I understand it from your past posts, you are a stay-at-home dad, so assuming that the (other) man works, there should be an opportunity to approach the woman during the day time.
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Old 08.02.2011, 11:50
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Another alternative - that I've not seen mentioned - is to go to the address and see if you can talk to the woman, to say that you saw the incident and that you would like to help if you can.

As I understand it from your past posts, you are a stay-at-home dad, so assuming that the (other) man works, there should be an opportunity to approach the woman during the day time.
No no no! No! Don't do that! Because you don't know what is the woman's life condition, you don't know if she is being watched by someone, etc. She might be in a relation when the guy lose it once in a while but she can also be in a worst situation as well. Let's assume the worst here.

By having a man showing up at her door in the middle of the day can put her into more trouble.
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Old 08.02.2011, 11:52
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

I agree, have you seen the movie "Derailed"...? just saying...

Not only it might endanger her situation but what if you become victim of some sort of conspiracy theory? Have you thought about that one?

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  #64  
Old 08.02.2011, 11:54
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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I am disappointed too. Because of what I understood, yes I agree with others, that he shouldn't get involve himself directly. BUT what I don't understand is when someone says to not feel bad about it to not have called the police. I believe it is a civil obligation to intervene in such a situation. I am trying to find if it is a law about it here in Switzerland.
Well, simply because no one is perfect.

I told WhySoSerious? not to beat himself up over it (pun fully intended!) because watching such incidents unfold is not something you see everyday, and when something this shocking happens in front of you, it does freeze the brain for many. some people will react faster whilst for some others, it takes time to sink in. Nothing wrong with that.
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  #65  
Old 08.02.2011, 11:55
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

Hmm...

It's relevant that the guy looked like he was foreign because a lot of non-Western cultures have more primitive ideas of male/female roles and machismo than domestic/Western European cultures.

It's relevant that this was domestic abuse rather than a crime between strangers/an assault, because intervening in domestic abuse is much more likely to constitute a dramatic escalation of the scenario, again due to the concepts of honour and machismo so often interlaced with domestic violence.

Calling the police now is still a good thing to do, but will almost certainly not result in any meaningful action. To address Nil's point, the guy won't get a police record or anything of the sort. Domestic violence is notoriously difficult to prosecute and the OP is right: in the event of a failed prosecution (usually because the abused party is unwilling to give evidence against the abuser) the OP has to go back to living in the same area as an obviously violent person who has now seen the OP give evidence against him. Not a good situation at all.

So yeah, call the police now if you like, but it doesn't seem to be so cut and dried as some people are making out.
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Old 08.02.2011, 11:57
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Another alternative - that I've not seen mentioned - is to go to the address and see if you can talk to the woman, to say that you saw the incident and that you would like to help if you can.

As I understand it from your past posts, you are a stay-at-home dad, so assuming that the (other) man works, there should be an opportunity to approach the woman during the day time.
Bad idea man - you do not want to put yourself in the middle of this situation! Never approach either of them.
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  #67  
Old 08.02.2011, 12:09
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Calling the police now is still a good thing to do, but will almost certainly not result in any meaningful action. To address Nil's point, the guy won't get a police record or anything of the sort. Domestic violence is notoriously difficult to prosecute and the OP is right: in the event of a failed prosecution (usually because the abused party is unwilling to give evidence against the abuser) the OP has to go back to living in the same area as an obviously violent person who has now seen the OP give evidence against him. Not a good situation at all.

So yeah, call the police now if you like, but it doesn't seem to be so cut and dried as some people are making out.
I wasn't thinking of a police record itself, but at least a piece of paper with something written on it perhaps? Even if it is a post-it.

For the guy seeing the OP, I will guess the guy was enough busy already to realised who was the OP. And since it happened in the street where a bus and other people were around, the OP is certainly not the only witness.

I can understand the shock he dealed with when he saw the scene, but the shock is passed now and he could still ring the police and have a little talk. Maybe it will be for nothing, but it is better to try than not trying at all.
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  #68  
Old 08.02.2011, 12:09
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Probably more useful than talking about it in here and not doing anything about it, at all!
Coming from you that is really funny.
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Calling the police doesn't put yourself in danger, especially when the scene happened in public where many people could witness it. But now, if everyone think to not do something hoping someone else will do it, nothing will be done.
Talk about beating a dead horse! Everyone agrees that police should have been called. It happened in the dead of night and in a very dark location of the car park area. So I was probably the only person who saw it.

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Another alternative - that I've not seen mentioned - is to go to the address and see if you can talk to the woman, to say that you saw the incident and that you would like to help if you can.
Carlos the entrance to the two story flats did not face where I was standing. So I did not see where exactly the lady came out from. I would not be able to recognize the lady as it was too dark. The man I could recognize because I saw him clearly in the car. I can recognize his car too if I see it again. Frankly I don't want to get involved as I know how these things go where domestic violence and cultural barriers are involved. I will end up getting grief from the man, his wife and the child when he gets older
  #69  
Old 08.02.2011, 12:18
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Woohoo! Give the guy a medal. Did you work that our yourself or read it in a book?
No need, good way to deflect the real issue though
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Old 08.02.2011, 12:20
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Everyone agrees that police should have been called.
I don't.

Bullshit heroics aside, experience has taught me to never get involved, even by calling the police.

It'll always bounce back to you - and the people you love. Always.
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  #71  
Old 08.02.2011, 12:30
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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I don't.

Bullshit heroics aside, experience has taught me to never get involved, even by calling the police.

It'll always bounce back to you - and the people you love. Always.
Did someone answer whether an anonymous call can be made? Or are they permitted but in reality ignored (how would you find that out?)?

I brought a small briefcase to the cops I found next to the pay machine in a parking garage, first thing they did was ask for my ID, which I gave without thinking. Then a lot of questions, then they let me go about 10-15 minutes later. A few weeks after I got a Thank You card from the owner... which was nice . But I wonder about DB's scenario above- I would only call if I could remain totally out of the equation. Not a coward, I just wouldn't want some nutball targeting my family, doubt it would be a thank you note...
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  #72  
Old 08.02.2011, 12:31
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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I don't.

Bullshit heroics aside, experience has taught me to never get involved, even by calling the police.

It'll always bounce back to you - and the people you love. Always.
Maybe an anonymous phone call with number withheld??

People seem to think that police are like in some Hollywood super hero flick. Wrong! Police equals just some man or woman miles away from you who will always arrive long after you have faced chin music. You will always be on your own and no amount of sweet talking from people online or from the police themselves will protect you when shit hits the fan.
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  #73  
Old 08.02.2011, 12:33
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

In the ways that my post and Mud's above describe.
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Old 08.02.2011, 12:33
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

This thread needs a poll
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Old 08.02.2011, 12:34
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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How?)
Because violent people are rarely stupid, whereas, unfortunately, the police often are.

If you call the police, the attacker will find out who called, sooner or later, and is very likely to want to teach the caller a lesson.

And if the caller is unavailable for a lesson, then perhaps his children or his wife or his car or his letterbox will be.

Being stalked by someone who wants to teach you a lesson isn't a very nice experience. I wouldn't recommend it.
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Old 08.02.2011, 12:38
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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I don't.

Bullshit heroics aside, experience has taught me to never get involved, even by calling the police.

It'll always bounce back to you - and the people you love. Always.
No it doesn't. You're supposed to call the police in such cases.
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Old 08.02.2011, 12:38
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Did someone answer whether an anonymous call can be made? Or are they permitted but in reality ignored (how would you find that out?)?

I brought a small briefcase to the cops I found next to the pay machine in a parking garage, first thing they did was ask for my ID, which I gave without thinking. Then a lot of questions, then they let me go about 10-15 minutes later. A few weeks after I got a Thank You card from the owner... which was nice . But I wonder about DB's scenario above- I would only call if I could remain totally out of the equation. Not a coward, I just wouldn't want some nutball targeting my family, doubt it would be a thank you note...
If he was the only witness of entire incident and police came on time, he would have preserved anonymity. I doubt it though if he had reported it later he would have been called again as a witness , maybe required to give testimony in court. You get involved weather you like it or not. Once you have decided to intervene then you might need to take full responsibility of being involved (not physically).

It is conspiracy theory, if the culprit would want to chase you down later out of jail to retaliate... Just paint the possible picture

It also make sense not to get involved at all... but my consciousness would have hunted me, if I didn't
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Old 08.02.2011, 12:42
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Did someone answer whether an anonymous call can be made? Or are they permitted but in reality ignored (how would you find that out?)?

I brought a small briefcase to the cops I found next to the pay machine in a parking garage, first thing they did was ask for my ID, which I gave without thinking. Then a lot of questions, then they let me go about 10-15 minutes later. A few weeks after I got a Thank You card from the owner... which was nice . But I wonder about DB's scenario above- I would only call if I could remain totally out of the equation. Not a coward, I just wouldn't want some nutball targeting my family, doubt it would be a thank you note...
And if somebody in your family is duffed up in the street and others just stand by? I can so understand that getting involved is too dangerous - clearly. If it was your wife or daugher, father, grand-son - wouldn't you be grateful somebody called the police AND was prepared to stand testimony?

I saw an old man being beaten up by a group of very well-dressed young men in the town centre where I lived in UK. I was on my own, so realised I couldn't do anything- but I drove around the corner and phoned the cops. they rang me back later to say they had found the old man, who was alive and in the local Hospital. They thanked me as he would probably have died of his injuries if left were he was dropped. They visited the next day to get all details - but sadly the culprits were never found.
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Old 08.02.2011, 12:42
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No it doesn't. You're supposed to call the police in such cases.
You're supposed to buy a ticket when you catch a train, too, but some people prefer to decline for their own reasons.

Please feel free to be the big brave hero if you want, but don't condemn those who choose to spare themselves and their families from further grief.
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  #80  
Old 08.02.2011, 12:43
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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And if somebody in your family is duffed up in the street and others just stand by? I can so understand that getting involved is too dangerous - clearly. If it was your wife or daugher, father, grand-son - wouldn't you be grateful somebody called the police AND was prepared to stand testimony?
Not for some people..that's just bullsh*t heroics.
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